Ministry for Change

UK needs the Japanese 'Koban'...

Plans for a new policing 'Green Paper' were unveiled today. Lauded by Gordon Brown for the amount of bureaucracy that they will cut down on, it is expected that the move will result in the boys in blue spending more time patrolling our streets and less time messing around with… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 18 Jul 2008 2:52 PM. There are 3 comments so far. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Balls inspected...

Ed Balls has spent the past four months under investigation for his expenses. The Times. Yorkshire Post. North Korea is set to hand over a declaration of its nuclear activities. BBC. Reuters. The Government has been warned to take biosecurity more seriously. Yorkshire Post. Britain's top Asian policeman has accused… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 26 Jun 2008 10:50 AM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

No money, no problems...

Chancellor Alistair Darling has urged UK citizens to accept pay rises only if they are in line with the Government's 2% inflation target. The Guardian. As predicted, Gordon Brown's emergency oil talks in Jeddah achieved about as much as a stale fart in an elevator. BBC. The Times. Eighteen police… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 23 Jun 2008 8:00 AM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Police unveil controversial new targets...

A policeman has been shot dead by a colleague during a firearms training exercise. The Times. Former Conservative Leader, Michael Howard, has become the new boss of racecourse group Northern Racing. The Guardian. MPs have criticised a group of former MoD staff for behaving dishonourably after they managed to earn… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 10 Jun 2008 7:49 AM. Permalink

Shit Hits The Fan Dept.

Ken Livingstone's mysterious missing millions

Train-based alcohol ban aside, Boris Johnson has been keeping a remarkably low profile since his installation as Mayor of London a few weeks back. Theories have run rampant around the Westmonster office as to what he's been up to, and we managed to come up with two relatively convincing… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 7 Jun 2008 10:20 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Crime Fighting

Party over for celebrity drug users, says police chief

In a cultural climate in which even minor celebrities are increasingly untouchable (seriously, how long before we're all opening chapels dedicated to Barry Scott and passing laws that make it illegal not to look like Vernon Kay?) the head of the metropolitan police has decided that enough is enough.… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 6 Jun 2008 5:44 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Bleak Outlooks

Young people unhappy with police...

A new poll conducted by the BBC has suggested that up to 70% of UK residents consider themselves to be 'happy' with the police. Conducted by Radio 5 Live, the research discovered that the majority of people thought the police were doing a good job, and that 60% felt that… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 2 Jun 2008 6:16 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Crime Fighting

Police given personal handheld computers

Paperwork can be so stressful sometimes. Imagine that you were Satan himself, Prince of Darkness and Great Overlord of the Underworld, and you were trying to frantically remember who was lined up for your 3 o' clock torture appointment. Shuffling through the reams of documents on your desk, you… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 26 May 2008 8:18 PM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Panic on the streets of London...

Police had to stick their riot gear on again last night after Chelsea supporters in West London got angry about something. The Times. If you hadn't heard about it, the Crewe and Nantwich by-election takes place today. BBC. ePolitix. The suits at the UN have warned that the Beijing Olympics… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 22 May 2008 7:45 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Memories

Tories unveil plans to improve CCTV usage...

David Davis, the Shadow Home Secretary, has pledged to do something about the millions of CCTV cameras that haunt the cities and towns of England: Warning that the current system is useless, due to the poor quality and ineffective video that it produces, Davis stated that he'd like to take… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 21 May 2008 10:39 AM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Prince Charles likes trees...

Prince Charles has concluded that putting an end to rainforest logging is the only way to solve climate change problems. BBC. Gordon Brown has been advised by MPs to give up his idea for 42-day detention without trial. The Guardian. The UK economy could be about to go through a… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 15 May 2008 7:44 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Retro-futurism

Taeser usage up, lightsabers in the post...

Figures released by the Home Office today have shown an increase in the use of Taesers by police officers, detailing that between September 1st 2007 and February 29th 2008, Taesers were used a total of 252 times (236 of which were in the last three months). Of this there… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 13 May 2008 3:34 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Bleak Outlooks

The pen is mightier than the truncheon...

The Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith, will announce plans today that give police the power to openly harass antisocial youth by hounding them at their homes, following them about, and also arbitrarily filming them in the streets. It certainly sounds a little bit drastic, but is part of the government's plans… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 8 May 2008 10:02 AM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Bye Bye Brown..

Latest polls forecast big losses for Labour of up for 200 council seats in England and Wales. The Guardian. A family who dialled 999 after axe brandishing masked raiders entered their house were told by police that they were 'too busy' to come and help. The Times. Interest rates in… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 29 Apr 2008 7:42 AM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Unhappy cops, detention flops

The sound coming from our brave police force? It's an unhappy one. Their "trust, morale and goodwill" are all going downhill. The strike ballot's happening today. Labour ministers think Jacqui Smith's a right meanie. There's also the possibility that local council leaders could gain the power to sack police commanders.… read more…

Written by Westmonster on 12 Dec 2007 9:32 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Things We'd Like To Know

Smith to defend the number 42

Jacqui Smith is appearing before the Home Affairs Select Committee today, and it looks like she has two über-fun topics to chat about:So, why 42? It's something Westmonster and many others have wondered, not least the copyright holders of The Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy, as well as the chief… read more…

Written by Westmonster on 11 Dec 2007 10:00 AM. Permalink

Don't Look Ethel!

Do you trust the police to keep you safe?

So queries the Telegraph of its readers. And they? Well, what do you think? The police no longer serve the people but instead are tame servants of lying power-crazed, corrupt political masters in and out of the force who use them to control, not protect, the masses. Why should we… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 2 Nov 2007 10:30 AM. Permalink

Westmonster: “police”