Official figures released today suggest that the current panic surrounding the ostensible rise in knife crime has more to do with an increase in news reports than actual incidents involving knives. The British Crime Survey, which acquires figures via interviews with members of the public, claims that, despite the popular… read more…

The U.S. looks like it has plans to establish a diplomatic presence in Iran sometime within the next month. BBC. Official figures suggest that incidents of knife crime in the UK over the last year have topped 22,000. The Telegraph. Whitehall has announced that it is to be the first… read more…

Posh Boris Johnson has confused thousands throughout the nation by blaming William Shakespeare for the recent wave of knife crime that has swept the nation. According to today's papers, the rotund London mayor expressed in his famously eloquent tones that knife crime should be seen as 'moronic' - not with… read more…

David Cameron has called for U.S. style bankruptcy rules in a bid to protect the economy. The Times. US car firm General Motors has revealed that it is to cut jobs due to decreased sales. BBC. It looks like knife crime may not be just an English avocation but one… read more…

Gordon Brown is to vacation in the English town of Southwold in Suffolk. Channel 4. Tony Blair is to visit Gaza for the first time in his new role as Middle East envoy. BBC. Jacqui Smith is wishing she had never said anything about knife offenders visiting people in A&E… read more…

Three categories, three news snippets. GOOD The dinosaur-ridden House Of Lords is due for a long overdue shake-up. BAD People everywhere are attacking Labour's speedy U-turn on their knife crime policy. MAD Brits abroad continue to make this nation proud.… read more…

It does what the headline says. GOOD Knife crime may not quite be the 'epidemic' many are claiming, says Sunny Hundal at The Guardian. BAD The SNP's Nicola Sturgeon reckons that poor people are pretty much screwed. MAD A couple of days old now, but so genuinely insane we… read more…

The suits in Westminster, Whitehall to be precise, look like they've finally tapped into the well of secret knowledge that separates the clued-in from mere mortals. In the fight against youth knife crime it seems that it may finally have dawned upon campaigners that young Britons don't acquire information from… read more…

Hospital staff have had to start wearing stab-proof vests in order to stand a chance of surviving the knife-riddled English night. The Guardian. Labour suffered another bout of confusion over the weekend, this time due to the Scottish by-election. ePolitix. Young people seem to becoming more Conservative in than they… read more…

Poverty in the UK is getting worse, with 2.9 million children living below the poverty line, and 2.5 million pensioners. The Guardian. The Times. ePolitix. The International Energy Agency has lowered its forecasts for this year's global oil demand due to price increases. IHT. A poll for The Times has… read more…

Gordon Brown has announced tough new laws on knife crime (probably in the hope that he won't be stabbed in the back as often). The Guardian. MPs and their generous expense accounts are still annoying the proletariat. The Times. A new law will allow cyclists to go the wrong way… read more…

Westmonster was stabbed thirty-seven times on the way to the shops the other day. Luckily we'd invested in a blade-proof vest only hours previously, otherwise that dash to the corner shop to stock up our supplies of Irn Bru and Salt And Vinegar Space Raiders could have ended in… read more…