Ministry for Change

UK needs the Japanese 'Koban'...

Plans for a new policing 'Green Paper' were unveiled today. Lauded by Gordon Brown for the amount of bureaucracy that they will cut down on, it is expected that the move will result in the boys in blue spending more time patrolling our streets and less time messing around with… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 18 Jul 2008 2:52 PM. There are 3 comments so far. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

10 reasons to jump ship...

Crime rates are expected to soar as the economy deteriorates. The Guardian. Gordon Brown and Alistair Darling have decided that England should borrow its way out of the economic crisis. The Times. Al Gore has challenged Americans to give up fossil fuels within the next ten years. BBC. Plans for… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 18 Jul 2008 8:44 AM. Permalink

Good, Bad And Mad

The Good, The Bad and The Mad: July 17

Three stories - one pleasing, one displeasing, and one just plain batshit. GOOD Gordon Brown wants to help inject some order and stability into the lawless Niger Delta region. The oil-rich lawless Niger Delta region. BAD Max Hastings writes possibly the most depressing column we've ever, ever read. MAD… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 17 Jul 2008 3:00 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Change

Whitey not on the moon...

Back in 1969 a seminal hip hop group called The Last Poets released Whitey On The Moon. It was a reactionary piece that expressed the divisive nature of a society in which the American black man was still worrying about paying the rent, putting food on the table, or generally… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 15 Jul 2008 2:05 PM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

10 reasons to quit...

Gordon Brown is to vacation in the English town of Southwold in Suffolk. Channel 4. Tony Blair is to visit Gaza for the first time in his new role as Middle East envoy. BBC. Jacqui Smith is wishing she had never said anything about knife offenders visiting people in A&E… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 15 Jul 2008 8:28 AM. Permalink

Poll

Lunchtime Poll: Clare Short vs Gordon Brown

Yesterday we asked you if you thought Iran represented a threat to worldwide peace. Unfortunately only a handful of you responded - the rest of you presumably too busy cowering in your missile shelters with your laptops clicked over to howtosurvivetheupcomingapocalypse.com. Anyway, those of you who did take part… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 11 Jul 2008 12:00 PM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

10 reasons to despair...

Gordon Brown has insisted that he has much in common with Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights. The Guardian. Today apparently marks the 50th anniversary of the beloved parking meter. The Times. Ministers are to bribe people out of their apathy when it comes to local elections by offering them the chance… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 10 Jul 2008 6:47 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Crime Fighting

Superheroes fight for fathers' rights...

Comic book fans are anxious to discover if reports that Spiderman and Batman have joined forces by climbing on to the roof of home secretary Harriet Harman to fight for fathers' rights are true. If correct, it will be the second time this year that the two superheroes have made… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 9 Jul 2008 1:27 PM. Permalink

Poll

Lunchtime Poll: is the NHS the 'pride of Britain'?

How do you normally spend your lunchtime? Sat at your desk, staring numbly at the spreadsheet in front of you, weeping silently into your Pot Noodle as you ponder the soul-crushing mediocrity of your day-to-day life? Well, boy oh boy - has Westmonster got a thirty-second diversion for you!… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 8 Jul 2008 12:00 PM. There are 2 comments so far. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

10 reasons to go tombstoning...

David Cameron has pointed out that modern British values are 'twisted'. The Guardian. Most Labour voters apparently consider Gordon Brown to be a loser. The Times. After the proposed ban, the U.S. government has decided to invest in 'safer' cluster bombs. Channel 4. The government has published a new report… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 8 Jul 2008 8:14 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Profligates

The new adventures of Fudge Gordon...

Downing Street has been forced to deny accusations that Gordon Brown 'ducked' a vote on the reform of MPs expenses. According to his Tory enemies, Brown went 'AWOL' on the determinant vote, which, if passed, would have scrapped the controversial second home allowance. Instead, all that's really changed is… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 4 Jul 2008 1:16 PM. Permalink

Poll

Lunchtime Poll: Boris Johnson...

Legions of Westmonster readers came together yesterday to vote in what could be one of the most ground-shaking changes to the political scene in years. The Westmonster Shine Week poll attracted an impressive number of voters (9), 89% of whom decided that the Shine Week beloved so much by Ed… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 4 Jul 2008 12:41 PM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

10 reasons to forget about it...

Gordon Brown has described his job as being the 'best in the world', suggesting that the nervous breakdown we were expecting may not be about to happen. The Guardian. The PM has also hinted that his plans for a 2p rise on fuel duty may be abandoned. The Guardian. The… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 4 Jul 2008 8:25 AM. Permalink

Poll

Lunchtime Poll: Shine Week...

Ladies and Gentleman, it's still Shine Week. If you're wondering what we're talking about, you should've read yesterday's post. Basically though, Ed Balls and Gordon Brown have decided that the dates of June 30th to 4th of July 2008 shall forever after be known as Shine Week. It's all part… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 3 Jul 2008 1:01 PM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

10 reasons to keep on truckin'...

More than 50% of people surveyed said that they would support the proposed 'opt-out' scheme for organ donation. BBC. The Government has offered a £20,000 prize to anybody that can think of an innovative way for them to use the public data that it has amassed over the years. BBC.… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 3 Jul 2008 8:33 AM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

10 reasons to jack it all in...

The Tories have accused Gordon Brown of bribing his Labour minions in order to get the results that he wanted on 42 days. The Guardian. G8 countries have been accused of being too slow in the race against climate change. WWF. Oil prices have reached yet another new high, this… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 3 Jul 2008 7:49 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Interspecific Relations

Cameron gets with the Shine Week spirit...

David Cameron has found himself overcome by the festive spirit of Shine Week by hanging out with Simon Cowell at a children's party in celebration of 60 years of the NHS. The two were spotted having a jolly old time at Evelina Children’s Hospital in London whilst inspiring youngsters to… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 2 Jul 2008 6:37 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Shining

Non-Sunbeam teaches kids to shine...

Gordon Brown and Ed Balls have blown critics of taste and decency out of the water by announcing that this week (June 30th to July 4th) is to go down in the history books as Shine Week. According to the Prime Ministerial website, the event doesn't involve the literal 'Shining'… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 2 Jul 2008 11:37 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Taste and Decency

Gordon Brown isn't a sunbeam...

Gordon Brown is still at risk of bankruptcy, according to recent reports, due to the £7.45m in unpaid debts that the Labour Party still has to contend with. Today marks the day that the debts are to either be reviewed or repaid, with added pressure coming in the form of… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 1 Jul 2008 4:10 PM. There are 2 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Anglophilia

American style border control to save our souls...

The Tories have renewed interest in the idea of a dedicated border police force, describing the current system as being inadequate. In a new report commissioned by former Metropolitan Police commissioner Lord Stevens, the case was put forward for a special force, complete with its own chief constable, to combat… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 1 Jul 2008 3:32 PM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Tesco goes political...

Tesco has stated that it is to stop sourcing products from Zimbabwe, due to the political crisis. BBC. Gordon Brown's 'once-in-a-generation' reform plans will make the NHS one of the best health systems in the world. ePolitix. Four Iraqi men are planning to sue U.S. military contractors after being tortured… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 1 Jul 2008 8:35 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Change

Blair defends Brown...

Tony Blair has defended Gordon Brown's perceived ineptitude by stating that we were living in a 'tough time' for all world leaders in which members of the public were seeking domestic solutions to global problems, such as rising fuel and food prices. "The problems of many political leaders are driven… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 27 Jun 2008 4:51 PM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Cheapshots

'Terrified' Brown probably not bothered...

Cheeky David Davis has stated that the Prime Minister (Gordon Brown) is 'terrified' of voters for refusing to put a candidate to run in the upcoming by-election. Speaking at the official launch of his campaign this morning, the detention hating ex-shadow Chancellor accused Mr. Brown of having 'lost his nerve'.… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 27 Jun 2008 3:31 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Mass Appeal

Brown to follow through after pushing wind...

Gordon Brown has upped his eco credentials by pushing the expansion of wind power turbines throughout the nation. Over the coming decade, the £100bn plans will hopefully see that the UK becomes in leader of renewable energy, with a targeted 15% of its power coming from renewable sources by 2020.… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 26 Jun 2008 1:51 PM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Department for Donors

Labour all set to go bust?

We've all got debts coming out of our ears - be they student loans, gas bills that you've sellotaped to the fridge for three months and ignored completely, or the owners of several local bars hunting you down and informing you that the tab you've been keeping for the… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 25 Jun 2008 12:00 AM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Poll

Lunchtime Poll: Is Gordon Brown doomed?

So. According to our poll the other day, 68 percent of Westmonster readers reckon that we should take immediate 'aggressive action' in Zimbabwe. Honestly - you're like Chuck Norris, you lot are. We've actually decided that we like harvesting your opinions, if you don't mind. So we're going to… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 24 Jun 2008 12:00 PM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

No money, no problems...

Chancellor Alistair Darling has urged UK citizens to accept pay rises only if they are in line with the Government's 2% inflation target. The Guardian. As predicted, Gordon Brown's emergency oil talks in Jeddah achieved about as much as a stale fart in an elevator. BBC. The Times. Eighteen police… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 23 Jun 2008 8:00 AM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Where's the beef?

South Korea and America are getting ever closer to making a 'beef deal'. BBC. Gordon Brown has been told to give UK cities more elected mayors. Channel 4. Ministers are to revisit the GM debate in order to discuss whether genetically modified crops will be able to combat the global… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 20 Jun 2008 6:09 AM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

The future's not orange...

The orange abomination that is fake tan has been banned from Royal Ascot. BBC. It was discovered that an average of eight new laws come into effect each day in the UK. The Times. David Cameron has questioned Gordon Brown about the command structure in Afghanistan after the deaths of… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 19 Jun 2008 8:34 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Bets Being Off

Labour definitely not running against Davis...

Labour today confirmed that they won't be running against cheeky David Davis in the by-election forced by his resignation last week, despite his calling Gordon Brown 'gutless' for not even thinking about competing. The announcements were made after Davis formally resigned as the Conservative's shadow home secretary, in a move… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 18 Jun 2008 4:26 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Division

McCain and the modern insult...

The John McCain team has allowed its wrinkled lips to utter what must surely be one of the greatest insults of the modern age by referring to rival Barack Obama as "a perfect manifestation of a September 10th mind-set". The criticism came yesterday whilst McCain's Republican campaign criticised Obama for… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 18 Jun 2008 1:55 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Retro-futurism

Futuristic car plans unveiled...

The future is all we've really got if you think about it. Which is why it's more than a little daunting that we should entrust it to a man like Gordon Brown who seems to think that 'good' means 'fines' and that 'better' means 'more'. It's really quite confusing. In… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 17 Jun 2008 11:55 AM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Change

Pigs have feelings too...

We should rue the pigs for, of all the animals, it is they whose name is most often taken in vain. Perhaps there is a portly woman walking down the street, for example, with her greasy fingers lovingly wrapped around a Cornish pasty. Or an overbearing male chauvinist pinching the… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 17 Jun 2008 10:41 AM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Brown's imperial treasury eyed by Osborne...

George Osborne, the Conservative shadow chancellor, has announced plans to shrink Gordon Brown's imperial treasury. The Telegraph. UN officials have been given rare access to North Korea's countryside so that they can assess the severity of the country's food shortage. BBC. Refugee Week kicked off yesterday, though most people seem… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 17 Jun 2008 8:09 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Bleak Outlooks

Close your eyes and let's pretend...

Oil has found itself to be even more newsworthy than usual today, what with the teamsters on strike and Gordon Brown planning to take an expensive sojourn down to Jeddah in an attempt to try and pull a few strings with Saudi oil chiefs. Whether or not he'll achieve anything… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 13 Jun 2008 1:20 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Bets Being Off

Gotcha?

Ex Sun editor (1981 - 1993) and man of the people, Kelvin MacKenzie, looks like he might be in the running to challenge cheeky David Davis in the by-election triggered by yesterday's decision on 42 day detention. Speaking on Radio 4's today programme, Rubert Murdoch's old lapdog went on… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 13 Jun 2008 9:42 AM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Gordon Brown to solve oil problems...

Gordon Brown is to head to Jeddah in order to talk about rising oil prices. The Guardian. The Times. Tanker drivers are due to start a four day strike today. Panic buying of petrol is expected. The Guardian. The Telegraph. Ministers have announced plans to allow popular schools to take… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 13 Jun 2008 7:55 AM. Permalink

Roundup

Media roundup: Brown's 42 day victory

The big day has come and gone, and Gordon Brown must surely be shambling around, confused and bewildered, senses reeling with the bold unfamilar shock of a strange new feeling. It's called success, Gordon. But something tells Westmonster you'd better not get too attached to it. Why not? Because -… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 11 Jun 2008 11:09 PM. Permalink

Roundup

Media roundup: Labour's latest poll disaster

Ignore what Forrest Gump said about life being 'like a box of chocolates.' Life is more like your local independent grocery store: it's overshadowed by market influences and nearer to closure with every passing day. A depressing thought, sure, but we're just helping the Labour-voting readers out there to… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 10 Jun 2008 12:25 AM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

The kids aren't all right...

A new report has claimed that UK children are being demonised by the other members of society. BBC. Gordon Brown is set to lose on the 42-day detention plans. The Times. House prices are expected to fall by up to 50% over the next four years. The Guardian. There is… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 9 Jun 2008 7:53 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Backbench Bitching

PM to entire party: 'agree with me on terror'

28 days or 42? That's the big question, isn't it? Just how long has Gordon Brown got left in office? Ah, we're just being cruel. Maybe Gord is actually learning lessons from his disastrous reign as Prime Minister so far. He does seem to have become a more communicative… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 7 Jun 2008 10:0

Westmonster: “gordon brown”