Meedja on the Insanity Pills

10 reasons to party like it's 1999...

David Cameron has called for U.S. style bankruptcy rules in a bid to protect the economy. The Times. US car firm General Motors has revealed that it is to cut jobs due to decreased sales. BBC. It looks like knife crime may not be just an English avocation but one… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 16 Jul 2008 8:44 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Mashed Potato

NHS announces fat camps for chubby kids...

Though David Cameron yesterday asserted that the UK is quickly becoming a nation of fat slackers it seems that things may be looking up. According to reports, the NHS has resolved to solve the problem of child obesity via a 'pioneering initiative' that will see portly northern youngsters being sent… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 9 Jul 2008 1:12 PM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

10 reasons to go tombstoning...

David Cameron has pointed out that modern British values are 'twisted'. The Guardian. Most Labour voters apparently consider Gordon Brown to be a loser. The Times. After the proposed ban, the U.S. government has decided to invest in 'safer' cluster bombs. Channel 4. The government has published a new report… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 8 Jul 2008 8:14 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Change

Anglers OK in Cameron's eyes...

David Cameron has declared that he'd like to toughen up the UK's laws on knife crime. During an interview for the Sun, the Conservative leader stated that he believes anybody who is caught carrying a knife without lawful reason should automatically be jailed. Labour are also reported to be calling… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 7 Jul 2008 3:12 PM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

10 reasons to jack it all in...

The Tories have accused Gordon Brown of bribing his Labour minions in order to get the results that he wanted on 42 days. The Guardian. G8 countries have been accused of being too slow in the race against climate change. WWF. Oil prices have reached yet another new high, this… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 3 Jul 2008 7:49 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Interspecific Relations

Cameron gets with the Shine Week spirit...

David Cameron has found himself overcome by the festive spirit of Shine Week by hanging out with Simon Cowell at a children's party in celebration of 60 years of the NHS. The two were spotted having a jolly old time at Evelina Children’s Hospital in London whilst inspiring youngsters to… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 2 Jul 2008 6:37 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Division

David and David make up...

Has David Cameron kissed and made up with ex-partner David Davis? The couple, who decided to go their separate ways last month after Davis revealed that he had fallen out of love with Cameron's 42 day detention policy, today hinted that their relationship could be back on. In a shock… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 2 Jul 2008 4:57 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Anglophilia

American style border control to save our souls...

The Tories have renewed interest in the idea of a dedicated border police force, describing the current system as being inadequate. In a new report commissioned by former Metropolitan Police commissioner Lord Stevens, the case was put forward for a special force, complete with its own chief constable, to combat… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 1 Jul 2008 3:32 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Body Swaps

David Cameron wants to be Boris Johnson...

Lucky David Cameron has managed to recruit Boris Johnson's former PR advisers, Inhouse PR, in order to deal with any media and communication issues that he may face in the future. Over the coming months, the company will promote a series of reports that will be used in the Conservative… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 24 Jun 2008 1:23 PM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Shot in the arm...

A UN official has claimed that the Taleban made $100m (£50m) from the sale of opium in 2007. BBC. Energy bosses are preparing to justify their upcoming price increases to MPs. BBC. The ambulance service has admitted to losing a computer disk containing the personal information of a million 999… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 24 Jun 2008 7:57 AM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

The future's not orange...

The orange abomination that is fake tan has been banned from Royal Ascot. BBC. It was discovered that an average of eight new laws come into effect each day in the UK. The Times. David Cameron has questioned Gordon Brown about the command structure in Afghanistan after the deaths of… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 19 Jun 2008 8:34 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Bets Being Off

Labour definitely not running against Davis...

Labour today confirmed that they won't be running against cheeky David Davis in the by-election forced by his resignation last week, despite his calling Gordon Brown 'gutless' for not even thinking about competing. The announcements were made after Davis formally resigned as the Conservative's shadow home secretary, in a move… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 18 Jun 2008 4:26 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Division

McCain and the modern insult...

The John McCain team has allowed its wrinkled lips to utter what must surely be one of the greatest insults of the modern age by referring to rival Barack Obama as "a perfect manifestation of a September 10th mind-set". The criticism came yesterday whilst McCain's Republican campaign criticised Obama for… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 18 Jun 2008 1:55 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Change

Pigs have feelings too...

We should rue the pigs for, of all the animals, it is they whose name is most often taken in vain. Perhaps there is a portly woman walking down the street, for example, with her greasy fingers lovingly wrapped around a Cornish pasty. Or an overbearing male chauvinist pinching the… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 17 Jun 2008 10:41 AM. Permalink

Our American Cousins

Bush and Cameron: the not-at-all secret meeting

In yet further evidence that pretty much everyone in the world knows that Labour are lagging disastrously behind the Tories, George W. Bush thought it prudent to arrange a meeting with David Cameron while he was in the country. The practice of a visiting US President meeting opposition leaders… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 17 Jun 2008 12:28 AM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Cameron seeks open discourse on Afghanistan...

David Cameron has called for a 'frank and candid assessment' of the UK's role in Afghanistan. ePolitix. A new report has insisted that British workers are just a bunch of morons when compared to east European migrants. The Guardian. The Times. Research has shown that one in ten Britons has… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 12 Jun 2008 7:47 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Fair Play

Cameron gets tough on hypothetical sleaze

D-Cam and the blue brigade may be storming ahead in the opinion polls of late, but it isn't all summer-blue skies just yet (now, how's that for a mixed metaphor?). Cameron is more than a little concerned about possible sleaze outbreaks among Tory representatives within the European Parliament. And… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 10 Jun 2008 12:03 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Regression

Jerk off Cameron may appear in monkey movie...

David Cameron is preparing to further his 1980s brand of cool credentials by doing the time-warp again. In a speech that he is due to make shortly, the Leader of the Opposition will profess a yen to place family at the heart of his Government policy - to be manifest… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 9 Jun 2008 9:03 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Profligates

Same shit different day...

The way that Westmonster currently views the political scene is as follows: on the Left we have the useless, on the Right are the artless and insincere, and in the middle hovers an ineffectual bunch of neophytes that nobody really ever listens to. Whereas we could no doubt sit around… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 5 Jun 2008 1:07 PM. Permalink

Our Russian Comrades

Russians do it better...

Vladimir Putin has become the hero of propaganda lovers everywhere with his latest attempt at preventing dissidents from getting one over him. In a move that will surely inspire generations of leaders for years to come, the balding Russian despot has managed to censor the TV appearances of anybody who… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 3 Jun 2008 2:32 PM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Labour Party worried about lack of Scots...

Labour are starting to panic about the dearth of Scottish ministers in their party. ePolitix. Gordon Brown is still convinced that 42 is the magic number when it comes to all things terrorist detention. BBC. One of David Cameron's key campaign advisers has decided to emigrate to California. ePolitix. Australian… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 2 Jun 2008 7:51 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Insensitivity

Top 10 politicians in need of a beating...

Whilst Westmonster doesn't espouse the use of violence to achieve its goals, we can't help but think that the recent incident involving the beating of Labour MP Anne Moffat will make her think more carefully regarding the way that she votes on, or deals with, issues of crime in the… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 26 May 2008 3:01 PM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

No surprises for Cameron and his crew...

The news that the Tories have beaten Labour in the Crewe by-election with a 7,860 majority is about as surprising as a shit after a curry. BBC. The Guardian. The Times. It has been stated that Gordon Brown could face more leadership challenges. ePolitix. David Cameron has plans to strengthen… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 23 May 2008 7:52 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Missives

Conservatives data leak is ill-timed...

The Conservatives have cocked-up today by revealing that they sold leaked the personal information of 8,000 voters to a radio station. Although the specifics aren't known for sure, it's expected that the files in question included such information as names and addresses, sexual perversions and proclivities, telephone numbers and coded… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 22 May 2008 12:16 PM. There are 2 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Devolution

Thatcherite Cameron to provide good UK housekeeping...

Is England set to revert to the bleak and grubby austerity of the Thatcher years? If the recent reports of David Cameron taking cue from his iron-balled mentor are anything to go by, then perhaps so.. According to numerous news sources today, the Leader of the Opposition has decided that… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 19 May 2008 11:28 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Digits

Political lists are hip for sure...

Whilst we know that lists and so forth are traditionally Iain Dale's territory, it appears that all the cool kids are starting to get excited about them of recent so we might as well join in the party. The trend developed earlier in the week when the Telegraph published a… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 16 May 2008 3:35 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Separated Degrees

NNDB Mapper maps political connections...

Trawling the Internet's nether regions has led Westmonster to the the NNDB Mapper, a pretty slick tool that allows users to map the social networks of politicians, actors and other prominent members of society. All the big UK political names like Blair, Brown and Cameron are on there, along with… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 14 May 2008 3:04 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Devolution

Tories may bar lesbians from IVF...

The Conservative Party has managed to rattle the Lesbian Community's cage by announcing that it would like to place restrictions on tribade couples having access to IVF treatment. Although the current Labour government doesn't see any problems with lesbians bringing up children by themselves, David Cameron and his party feel… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 13 May 2008 9:55 AM. Permalink

Our American Cousins

NY Times: Tories' "Conservative Revival"

Upper-case 'C' Conservatives in Britain know all too well what it feels like to need a revival — 'twas only a short eight months ago that Labour looked ready to re-up for another five years of fun. But now all that's changed, and beaten-down American lower-case 'c' conservatives are… read more…

Written by Andrew Levy on 9 May 2008 6:56 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Scripted One Liners

Punch and Judy round 2

Gordon Brown and David Cameron impugned each other's integrity during a heated debated at Prime Minister's Question time this afternoon. Mr Cameron accused Mr Brown of being more concerned with his celebrity buddies than his political responsibilities, stating that the Prime Minister did nothing all day but sit around 10… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 7 May 2008 4:26 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Anglophilia

David Cameron held up by trains..

Being English isn't easy. Occasionally it feels like we're nothing more than a nation of idiots being told what to do by morons who get their orders from absolute perverts. It's quite a painful experience. To top that off, there's the bad weather, the yobs yelling at each other outside… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 7 May 2008 8:42 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Change

David Cameron is pleased with himself...

This time last week Westmonster claimed that the times were a-changin' and it appears that we're not the only ones who think so: After the mauling that his party inflicted on Labour yesterday David Cameron has stated in his usual buttery tones that the results stand as a 'big moment'… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 2 May 2008 12:53 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Phat Beats

All you other David Camerons are just imitating

David Cameron has admitted that, despite wanting to, he has been unable to avoid the 'Punch and Judy' style of debating that reigns supreme within Parliament; because a 'quieter tone' was ineffective when dealing with Gordon Brown. The admission comes as a disappointment for many Cameron followers, especially after they… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 29 Apr 2008 12:16 PM. There are 3 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Chinese Proverbs

David Cameron and the curse of the masturbating monkeys..

In a pure moment of edification and spiritual insight, an old Chinese Master once looked upon the setting sun and said with profound awareness: Once a monkey starts masturbating it cannot stop. It was a wise and sagacious metaphor for the nature of human actions, something that has no… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 25 Apr 2008 5:52 PM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

All change please

Tories sneer at Brown's climb-down

The Conservatives are having a field day - and probably a field fortnight, with a couple of field bank holidays slotted in - with the Prime Minister right now. Following the debacle of the 10p tax rate issue - which would hit 5 million plus low-paid workers - PM… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 24 Apr 2008 12:16 AM. Permalink

Department for Waiting Lists

Tories: 'only we can save your doctors'

In this hyper-exaggerated modern age, services and functions invariably have to get bigger, brighter and slicker. Hence why customers are deserting corner shops in favour of chain supermarkets, multi-level nightclubs generally attract more people on a Saturday night than the Dog And Duck, and Heathrow Terminal 5 turned out… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 20 Apr 2008 9:59 PM. Permalink

Ministry of Divine Intervention

David Cameron denies taming Bojo..

Conservative Leader David Cameron has had to deny claims that he has been forced to 'tame' Boris Johnson, his party's candiadate in the race to become the next Major of London. On a BBC Radio 5 broadcast this morning he stated that attempting to tame a specimen such as Johnson… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 15 Apr 2008 4:07 PM. Permalink

Department for Tax and Spend

MP's allowances? Come take a look

No-one likes having their dirty laundry aired in public. Infact, no-one likes having their laundry aired in public full stop, be it clean or otherwise. Try telling the national press that those Dangermouse underpants were simply an 'ironic' gift from a girlfriend. Go on. We dare you. Some people,… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 4 Apr 2008 12:29 AM. Permalink

Cesspool on the Potomac: Thames Edition

David Cameron Supports Boris Johnson; No-one Surprised

Tory leader David Cameron has put his full backing behind prospective London mayor Boris Johnson, referring to the bumbling Biggles fan as ''exactly the kind of leader the capital needs''. Elaborating on things, D-Cam turned up to Boris's Edmonton campaign launch and reeled off more of his tribute: "I don't… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 31 Mar 2008 11:22 PM. Permalink

Department for Tax and Spend

David Cameron To Make Econony 'Dynamic'

When Westmonster heard that Tory leader David Cameron had plans to make the economy 'dynamic', we felt a little shiver run down our spine. 'Dynamic'? What does that mean exactly? Is this some attempt to make the world of finance more exciting to that all-important yoof market, an idea roughly… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 30 Mar 2008 10:31 PM. Permalink

Westmonster: “david cameron”