Ministry for Wishful Thinking

Asbestos back on the menu...

Good news or bad news (depending on how you look at it), but it seems that all visitors to the Houses of Parliament are exposing themselves not only to dangerously high levels of hubris and tedium - but also to dangerous levels of asbestos. According to the Guardian, peers and… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 17 Jul 2008 12:54 PM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Bleak Outlooks

Critics imagine Brown ousted before next election..

Will Gordon Brown still be the leader of the Labour party when the next General Election comes round? That's the question on the wrinkled lips of most well-informed MPs today, especially some outspoken young whippersnapper named Frank Fields. We have to admit that our political musings have taken us down… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 12 May 2008 12:25 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Anglophilia

David Cameron held up by trains..

Being English isn't easy. Occasionally it feels like we're nothing more than a nation of idiots being told what to do by morons who get their orders from absolute perverts. It's quite a painful experience. To top that off, there's the bad weather, the yobs yelling at each other outside… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 7 May 2008 8:42 AM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Your not-so-comprehensive guide

When Westmonster passed by the local newsagent this morning, we were excited to see a massive tease for "Your comprehensive 8-page guide to the make or break night in the race for the US presidency." We're all over Super Tuesday, and we were keen to see what sort of whizbangery… read more…

Written by Andrew Levy on 5 Feb 2008 4:57 PM. Permalink

News from the Lunatic Asylum

The Broxtowe Ultimatum

In a story that boasts all the palace intrigue and tragi-comic underpinnings that befit the implosion of Britain's leading racist, fascist paramilitary group nationalist political party, The Guardian reports that 50 senior BNP figures have resigned from the party following Broxtowe BNP councillor Sadie Graham's claim that her home was being… read more…

Written by Westmonster on 18 Dec 2007 11:09 AM. Permalink

Ooh just one drink then

'Tis the season to feel guilty

So, we're drinking a third more than the Office for National Stats had thought. They've come to this conclusion through changing the goalposts. Predictably, the drinks industry is not best pleased. How to calculate the extent of your drinking problem? Here's a simple guide:… read more…

Written by Westmonster on 14 Dec 2007 9:24 AM. Permalink

Ministry For Finger Pointing

Mummy, what's social mobility?

Okay. Sit down. Find something comforting to clutch onto. You might be shocked by this: Brightest poor children do worse than wealthy but dim classmates (!) Pick that jaw up off the floor, it's true. The Sutton Trust and the LSE have been thinking long and hard about this one.… read more…

Written by Westmonster on 13 Dec 2007 10:45 AM. Permalink

Serious Organised Crime and all that

Is Brown in for a stint of porridge?

Comedian and prolific protestor Mark Thomas has added his tuppence to Comment is Free's Liberty and the State series. There's a good opening paragraph: Rarely do first lines have the potential to cost thousands of pounds (outside of libel), and rarely do I get to write words quite like those… read more…

Written by Westmonster on 13 Dec 2007 10:07 AM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

The "vision" thing

The BBC: The government (well, Ed Balls) is unveiling its 10-year "vision" for children. Those quotation marks look ominous. Schools are going to have refurbished playgrounds and the like, to "increase play opportunities for children" (Westmonster's non-ominous quotation marks). Sounds very business-like, "play opportunities." Meanwhile, over in The Guardian,… read more…

Written by Westmonster on 11 Dec 2007 8:33 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Local Policies for Local People

Lost in translation

News comes via The Guardian of the Government's new approach to getting immigrants to integrate: Tell councils and agencies to stop translating official forms and documents, and they'll magically learn English. Hooray! Problem solved!… read more…

Written by Andrew Levy on 7 Dec 2007 3:41 PM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

It was Facebook what won it

Boulton & Co. reports on a possible climbdown on the part of the Government on the extension of 28-day detention. This is because the Home Office realised that Satan would be going to work in a snow plough before that one was nodded through on the quiet by Parliament the Gord heads… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 6 Dec 2007 8:25 AM. Permalink

Department for Waiting Lists

Feeling festive, people?

Jingle bells, jingle bells! Rejoice, for the Annual Panic over the yet-to-happen flu pandemic is in its early stages, which means that Christmas is juuust around the corner. From the Guardian: The health secretary, Alan Johnson, yesterday announced a dramatic increase in plans to combat pandemic flu, committing the government… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 23 Nov 2007 1:01 PM. There are 2 comments so far. Permalink

News from the United Federation of Muesli Knitters

Lies, damned lies, and opinion polls?

As the end nears in the interminable Liberal Democrat leadership contest and voting for the Parliamentary equivalent of Head of Year 7 continues, the Guardian releases a poll that shows Huhne catching up: Forty per cent of just over 200 Lib Dems questioned by the Guardian after a hustings in Cambridge… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 23 Nov 2007 12:01 PM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Beware the backlash, David.

The Boy David is to state the obvious on rape later today - namely that many rapists go unpunished, and too many men feel that they have some sort of divine right to access lady-parts whenever they fancy it. Obvious it may be, but a big thumbs up to Davy for planning… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 12 Nov 2007 8:35 AM. Permalink

Behind the Terrace curtain

Jetsetting Tories: "Oops I Did It Again"

For those of you who have more interesting, wait, check that - for those of you who have lives and don't spend your Saturdays rifling through TheyWorkForYou, intriguing news reaches us via their most recent upload of the Register of Members' Interests, released this week. From Cameron's entry: 20 October 2007, I… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 10 Nov 2007 3:35 PM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Bring me the head of Gordon Brown!

The Times is getting its journalistic knickers in a twist over what appears to be some intern buggering up the personalised-to-your-area press release jobbie. What do we want? An Independent Inquiry(TM)! When do we want it? NOW! Keith Vaz MP, chair of the Home Affairs Select Committee, condemns the Government's "British… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 7 Nov 2007 8:45 AM. Permalink

Points, In Order

Brenda plays Westminster

BONG! Roundup on the Queen's Speech first, kids: the Telegraph has a transcript, Peter Kenyon wonders what will happen to party finance reform, Nick Robinson reckons that the Gord was warned to be on his best behaviour and play nicely with little Davy Cameron but Davy reciprocates by whipping out the sling-shot nevertheless, the… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 6 Nov 2007 5:26 PM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Pomp and Circumstance

Good morning, folks. As you are aware - great excitement - today is the day when a game old bird in lots of twinklers delivers a speech written for her by someone else whilst some bloke with a big rod (arf!) bangs on the door of the Commons. Ah, modernity, eh?… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 6 Nov 2007 8:40 AM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Resignations and turmoil

In response to the Enoch-stylings of one time PPC Nigel Hastilow, Olly's Onions suggests that the Tories take advantage of the publicity and launch a poster campaign ... Fair Deal Phil has a look at what all this says about the real impact of Dave's shiny, shiny hair on… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 5 Nov 2007 8:49 AM. There are 2 comments so far. Permalink

Behind the Terrace curtain

The mystery of the Flying Lion (ctd)

Last week Inspector Watson of the Yard asked a couple of questions of a firm called Flying Lion, which was taken up by various politics nerds with no life such as Westmonster enterprising individuals in the search of the truth. Well, David Hencke of the Guardian has picked up on… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 4 Nov 2007 4:42 PM. Permalink

Points, In Order

To the backdrop of the Moody Blues...

BONG! More trouble for Ian Blair as news filters through that his hypothetical resignation would not be accepted, in advance of another report on the Stockwell shooting. BONG! David Cameron's apparent love of gas-guzzling, environmentally unfriendly, carbon footprint-creating, large, posh vehicles to follow him around as he delivers lectures on how… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 3 Nov 2007 6:30 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Moules Frites

Another day in Europeland

The Tories' crowing over the Morning of the Election that Wasn't was marred slightly by a poster seemingly committing the Tories to a retrospective referendum on the EU Treaty The story so far: Davy gave a "cast iron" guarantee to The People that he would offer them this and then swiftly… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 2 Nov 2007 9:45 AM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Unleash the dogs of war

The de Menezes verdict is the big story this morning. The Times examines the nineteen police failures that led to the shooting, the Telegraph looks at the "sickening" rumours the Met circulated, and Pickled Politics questions the logic of a fine as a punishment - a tab which will… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 2 Nov 2007 5:55 AM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Oh, Mr Cameron!

News for the ladies: Westmonster hears that Davy Cameron was very masterful when he met with King Abdullah yesterday over the issue of Saudi-funded hate literature in British mosques. Be still our heaving bosoms, eh? The Gord, on the other hand, spent his time with His Maj WUSSING OUT of talking about… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 1 Nov 2007 7:55 AM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Happy Halloween!

If this doesn't scare you nothing will: final proof that Rudy Giuliani does actually eat babies. Fact. The LibDems' poll ratings are improving - they are up four on 18% according to an ICM poll for the Guardian. Bad news for the comrades, though: down one on 35, whilst the… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 31 Oct 2007 7:58 AM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Polls, kings, and flouncing

Polling horror alert! Today's ComRes poll for the Independent has Dave on eight points ahead of the Gord on 41, and the Liberals up one on 16. Analysis from the UK Pollling Report here. The Guardian gets hot under the collar at the visit of Saudi leader King Abdullah,… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 30 Oct 2007 7:36 AM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Feud like it's 2004!

Much excitement in the blogosphere this morning at the news that the Tonemeister and the Gord didn't like each other that much. More interesting is this report in the Guardian that Brown stoked the tension surrounding the cash-for-honours inquiry, and told Blair that he "hadn't heard the last of… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 22 Oct 2007 9:05 AM. Permalink

Don't Look Ethel!

Pot calling the Kettle black

Excellent article in today's Guardian by Martin Kettle about how sweeping generalisations on the similarities between parties and political personalities are symptomatic of a "liberal narcissism" perpetrated by those too lazy to spend time figuring out the differences that do exist, if they could be arsed to turn off When… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 20 Oct 2007 7:45 PM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Wee Nicky to take The Plunge

Clegg is set to announce his candidacy at 11.30am, as the Guardian reports that the non-appearance of Steve Webb at the starting blocks has boosted little Nicky's campaign. Quite how the Liberal Democrats will be able to keep up this level of excitement for the next two months, Westmonster really has no… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 19 Oct 2007 9:10 AM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Bearing Up Well

Westmonster thinks that it is fair to say that the lobby were unimpressed with Gord's performance at PMQs yesterday, with bears (baiting thereof) being the metaphor of choice. The Times has Brown as a grizzly, the Independent chooses a brown bear, Simon Hoggart in the Guardian merely goes for… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 11 Oct 2007 8:05 AM. Permalink

Points, In Order

I wanna live like common people

BONG! Outrage turns to hilarity amongst staff over Queuegate, with MPs falling over themselves to demonstrate that they are prepared to get down and dirty with the unwashed masses. So far - according to Westmonster's lovely assistant - there have been no less than 16 (update: check that, now 17) Members of… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 10 Oct 2007 6:00 PM. Permalink

That Was The Week That Was

Exclusive: Cameron is Rasputin's love child

This time last week a YouGov poll for the Telegraph had the comrades maintaining their 11 point lead over the shiny faced boy wonder (pictured here with a cute puppy. Awwww!), whilst the Times Populus poll had him slipping five percentage points in the aftermath of the Gord's address to Conference. He… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 6 Oct 2007 11:30 AM. Permalink

Ministry for the Margin of Error

He will, or won't, by Sunday

Allow Westmonster to set the scene. Polls are showing a big bounce. Newly smoke-free and sterile bunkers are crowding with "key decision makers." Commentators are out of breath. The Papers are out of breath. And this morning Today is leading on Dave mocking Gord over the suggestion that he'll wimp… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 5 Oct 2007 8:42 AM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

We're the Tories. Perhaps you've heard of us.

Well folks, the Guardian/ICM poll is out, and it shows that the Tories and Labour are neck and neck at 38%. Cameron's ratings are the best they've been since March. Ruh-roh! Excellent analysis, as always, from the UK Polling Report. Alistair Darling on the predicted economic downturn: "this town, is… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 5 Oct 2007 7:44 AM. Permalink

Points, In Order

It polls for thee, Gordon

BONG! Much drama over at Iain Dale's where unconfirmed rumours are flying that tomorrow's poll for the Guardian puts the Tories ahead by three points. UK Polling Report... erm... reports that Dale's numbers were based on interim results and the final numbers will reflect a small Labour lead. More polls filtering in… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 4 Oct 2007 5:20 PM. Permalink

Westmonster: “The Guardian”