Ministry for Paper Waving

Little Nicky whiffs at PMQs

All eyes were on today's PMQs to see how Cleggers would perform in his first session as LibDem leader, and by Westmonster's reckoning, Nicky accomplished the admirable feat of making Ming Campbell seem exciting by comparison. Perhaps we were distracted because he followed the PM and Cameron having spittle-laced exchanges… read more…

Written by Andrew Levy on 9 Jan 2008 2:50 PM. Permalink

Westmonster Deathmatches

Nick Clegg vs. iPhone

Westmonster now presents the first in what we hope will be a regular series we're calling "Westmonster Deathmatches." Today's deathmatch pits just-crowned LibDem leader Nick Clegg against Apple's iPhone. The results may shock and amaze you. Nick CleggiPhone… read more…

Written by Andrew Levy on 18 Dec 2007 2:54 PM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

LibDems spar, a nation yawns

"What I'm going to do is a little bit risky," says Nick Clegg of his strategy, in advance of the first major speech of his campaign. As this is Nicky, the mind fails to boggle. Michael Gove on Ming Campbell: great socks, crap policies. John Yates (of cash-for-honours fame) to… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 23 Oct 2007 7:55 AM. Permalink

Department for Kite Flying

Lightsabers and Lord Vader

Dull day in the Sundays today - presumably because everyone was settling down for a pint of mild and bitter in front of the rugby last night. The major stories seem to be Chris Huhne and Nick Clegg breaking out the lightsabers over the LibDem leadership, and mutterings from the… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 21 Oct 2007 3:25 PM. Permalink

Points, In Order

No slap: Pelling beats rap

BONG! No charges to be brought against Conservative MP Andrew Pelling, accused of beating his 26-year-old wife. BONG! Chris Doidge on how it really, really wasn't the LibDem MPs' fault that Ming ended up witha twelve-inch carving knife in his back. They swear. BONG! Nad Dorries posts her usual word-salad. Westmonster… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 20 Oct 2007 8:50 PM. Permalink

That Was The Week That Was

Le roi est mort. Vive le roi! As soon as we've found him.

It was a boring Monday in Parliament. MPs dozed happily on the green benches during Home Office questions, whilst hacks and bloggers lazily looked around for something to write about. A dull day like any other until... ...at 6pm the Sports and Social ran out of Spitfire! Oh, and whatshisname who… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 20 Oct 2007 11:03 AM. Permalink

News from the United Federation of Muesli Knitters

To Play the King

Is Westmonster the only person finding the LibDem leadership contest (2007 edition) a boring-tacular anti-climax? The 2006 bloodbath was thoroughly enjoyable viewing and had a certain end-scene-in-a Shakespeare-play style feel to it. As the bodies lay scattered around the throne, gradually everybody realised that they'd killed off the king, his… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 19 Oct 2007 2:15 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Paper Waving

LIVE! PMQs for 17/10/07

Westmonster provides live coverage of Prime Minister's Questions every Wednesday at Midday, when the House is in session. Below is the coverage of Prime Minister's Questions for 17 November 2007. 11:57 AM: Here we go again folks, and the Ministers responsible for the Department for Handing Out Lots of Money… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 17 Oct 2007 11:57 AM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Old sins have long shadows

The Times on the rivalry of the two leading candidates for the LibDem crown. Apparently Chris Huhne and Nicky Clegg were best buds until Chucky K. stepped down in 2005 and the United Federation of Young Turks agreed that nobody would stand against Ming, giving him a clear run.… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 17 Oct 2007 7:23 AM. Permalink

News from the United Federation of Muesli Knitters

Run Vince! Run!

Spotted in Portcullis House: acting leader of the Liberal Democrats, former knife wielder, and potential leadership candidate Vince Cable running at surprising speed past the lunchtime phalanx of posing bag-carriers. Is Vince attempting to bolster his claim to the leadership by demonstrating he can move faster than Sir Ming, or… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 16 Oct 2007 2:46 PM. Permalink

Don't Look Ethel!

Just Minging

Where do you go when you want to really know how opinion's shaping up in the lunatic asylum on the ground? Why the BBC Have Your Say site of course, which is currently asking readers what they think about Ming's resignation. He is an intelligent and experienced man. He also… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 16 Oct 2007 12:46 PM. There are 2 comments so far. Permalink

News from the United Federation of Muesli Knitters

Night of the Long Knives (part the second)

Well folks, it only seems a moment ago that Chucky K. was lying bleeding on the floor of the Senate (or "Cowley Street" as it is sometimes known) muttering the words et tu Ming? as his political lifeblood drained away. The tables having turned less than two years later, it… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 16 Oct 2007 11:13 AM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Bah, humbug

What do Ming Campbell and Julius Caesar have in common? They were both knifed by a collection of blokes wearing sandals! Boom, boom, thank you: we're here all week. The meedja are in full "Estelle Morris" mode this morning. Remember kids, Ming was only an old duffer who couldn't… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 16 Oct 2007 7:51 AM. Permalink

Points, In Order

And now for something (nearly) completely different

BONG! Iain Dale calls the position of Chief Knife Wielder for Vince Cable, says Simon Hughes picked the knife up, and nominates Chucky to replace him. Westmonster assumes Mr. Dale's motives for putting Kennedy forward are 99 44/100 per cent pure. BONG! Are you an ambitious young berk? Do you… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 15 Oct 2007 8:40 PM. Permalink

Ministry for the Double-Plus-Ungood

Cameron on Ming, translated

David Cameron: Sir Ming Campbell has had a distinguished Parliamentary career and I wish him and his wife, Lady Campbell, well for the future. Translation: Dagnammit, I've got away with pretending that I was well up for an election I wasn't and now I have to pretend that I relish… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 15 Oct 2007 7:11 PM. There are 2 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for the Double-Plus-Ungood

Gord on Ming, translated

Gordon Brown: "Sir Menzies is a man of great stature and integrity who has served his party and country with distinction."Translation: "Thank F*CK for that! Hopefully they'll choose wee Nicky Clegg. He's identical in almost every respect to the Boy David who'll eat into the latter's poll lead. Muhahahahaha!"… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 15 Oct 2007 7:05 PM. Permalink

Ministry for the Double-Plus-Ungood

Chucky K. on Ming, translated

Charles Kennedy: "I'm sorry that things have ended up for Ming in this way, but I know the gratitude felt towards him within the party. I don't doubt he has a valuable ongoing contribution to make to the Liberal Democrats into the future." Translation: "Quick Sarah, hide the booze, I… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 15 Oct 2007 6:55 PM. Permalink

News from the United Federation of Muesli Knitters

Lembit meteors in

Hear that bang? It was Lembit Opik breaking the sound barrier so he could appear in Central Lobby in front of a BBC TV camera. We're being treated to a wigging from Lembit about ageism but he doesn't really have much else to add apart from an appeal to the… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 15 Oct 2007 6:48 PM. Permalink

News from the United Federation of Muesli Knitters

Did you wield the dagger?

And we're over to Cowley Street where Simon Hughes is speaking in sepia tones for some reason. Campbell's resigned and Deputy Leader Vince Cable (the only person in the Liberal Democrats who is older than Ming) is taking over until a successor can be found. The assembled hacks spent the… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 15 Oct 2007 6:38 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Hearsay

Source: Ming is toast

Westmonster just heard a whisper in the corridors that Sir Ming's resignation will be forthcoming this evening. Stay tuned. UPDATE: Now confirmed by the BBC. We beat them by about 30 seconds, but who's counting.… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 15 Oct 2007 6:09 PM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Fat chance

The "obesity epidemic" is leading on the news. Westmonster hasn't seen the full headlines, so as yet it has not been explained to her how this is All Gordon Brown's Fault (but it is, apparently). Presumably the Gord has been spending his spare time infiltrating school cafeterias and frying… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 15 Oct 2007 8:51 AM. Permalink

Department of Kite Flying

Something's come along and it's burst Ming's bubble

In spite of protestations from Ed Davy, it looks like Ming's time is up. The Telegraph are reporting that he's been asked to go quietly into that good night or face a leadership challenge within weeks. The Independent, meanwhile, claim it's not as bad as all that; he's been given… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 14 Oct 2007 10:54 AM. Permalink

Points, In Order

Cheeky goings on at Cowley Street

BONG! Ming Campbell's troubles begin in earnest as questions are asked over his leadership. In, er, unrelated news, Cheeky Boy Lembit steps down as leader of the Welsh Liberal Democrats. Coincidence? Westmonster has reason to suspect not. BONG! Is there an end in sight for the postal strike? BONG! Kelvin… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 13 Oct 2007 5:56 PM. Permalink

That Was The Week That Was

...and the Tories are back in town!

The story so far: A good week in the polls for Labour after their Conference ratcheted up speculation on a snap election, to the point that everyone just assumed it was going to happen. Gorgeous, brooding Gordon Brown - ably assisted by his brilliant coterie of young advisors - was… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 13 Oct 2007 10:14 AM. Permalink

News from the United Federation of Muesli Knitters

The Quiet Man (II) in deadly peril

The Get Ming campaign gathers pace with the blogosphere and the mainstream media feeding off each other's words like Pavarotti in a pasta factory. Guido and Iain Dale both carry stories about Simon Hughes putting the knife in, but Westmonster cannot help but think that his words fail to provide… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 12 Oct 2007 3:18 PM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Bearing Up Well

Westmonster thinks that it is fair to say that the lobby were unimpressed with Gord's performance at PMQs yesterday, with bears (baiting thereof) being the metaphor of choice. The Times has Brown as a grizzly, the Independent chooses a brown bear, Simon Hoggart in the Guardian merely goes for… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 11 Oct 2007 8:05 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Paper Waving

LIVE! PMQs for 10/10/07

11:59 A couple of minutes to go until Welsh Questions winds up, and Westmonster would like it noted that it appears to be House of Commons Loud Tie Day, with both Peter Hain and Jack Straw wearing eye-watering confections. Looking good, gents. 12:00 Here we go. Harriet wrestles aside the… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 10 Oct 2007 11:38 AM. Permalink

Department of Advance Early Warning

PMQs Live @ Midday

The House is back in session, and as a regular feature, Westmonster will be live blogging Prime Minister's Questions as and when they occur.Coverage begins today at midday for the first PMQs of this session.… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 10 Oct 2007 8:57 AM. Permalink

Points, In Order

Projection and objection in the House

BONG! Guido reports that former New Labour darling, Oona King, is to join the Big Tent. Even more psychologically fascinating than this decision is a comment left on Guido's post which starts "why don't you f*ck off and stick your greasy tongue back up Gay Gordon's rancid arsehole instead of posting shite… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 9 Oct 2007 6:00 PM. Permalink

Points, In Order

When Pundits Get The Arse IX

BONG! Anyone else enjoying the sight of Adam Boulton stamping his feet, sulking, and refusing to come down for his tea over the fact that the Beeb got the exclusive interview with Brown? He's flounced around all day without losing steam. Aw bless, he'll sleep well tonight! BONG! Much harrumphing… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 7 Oct 2007 4:13 PM. Permalink

Behind the Terrace curtain

Ming: the post-mortem

Of his speech, people. Jeez. The polls recently - not to mention the enthusiastic presence of certain pretenders to the throne - can't have given Campbell much to smile about, although Lord knows he was trying his darndest to crack his face into the required rictus yesterday.His pitch to retain… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 21 Sep 2007 4:47 PM. Permalink

Points, In Order

Hitting the (Northern) rocks

BONG! The King was summoned from his counting house to address the Commons Treasury Select Committee this morning; mebbe it was the fact that his job is up for renewal that ensured that his forceful presentation managed to just about convince TreasComm that he was a good egg. Not so… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 20 Sep 2007 9:51 PM. Permalink

LIVE: Ming's Conference speech

11.57: Like every blushing virgin, Ming seems to want to make a statement by arriving at the church 15 minutes late, so viewers at home are currently being treated to a muzaked version of "Moving on Up" by the Beeb, whilst the Libs rattle their fundraising tins around the audience.… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 20 Sep 2007 11:56 AM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

An early start in Westminster

Westmonster assumes from the phalanx of bleary eyed journos loitering around the Portcullis House area clutching triple espressos, that Merv's attempt to extricate himself from the Northern Rock fiasco is going to be the lead story today. Either that or the rumour's gone around that a Big Brother celeb's in the House again.… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 20 Sep 2007 10:03 AM. Permalink

Westmonster: “Ming Campbell”