While You Were Sleeping

"All parties do make mistakes"

Cammers' local party was naughty and took £7,400 in illegal gifts. When they realised their naughtiness, they returned the money. Of course, Cammers is all innocent and that, but he said that "Labour's mistakes are of a different order." The funds were forfeited because the benefactors were not on the… read more…

Written by Westmonster on 19 Dec 2007 9:00 AM. Permalink

All change please

Missing Vince Cable

The Telegraph is nostalgic for the Cable and his acting-leadership-ways already. Here's what they - speaking for us all - love about him, in order: Making coup jokes as he hands over the Mr LibDem crown Ballroom dancing with Alesha, once of Mis-Teeq Making Gord quake (but not in a… read more…

Written by Westmonster on 19 Dec 2007 8:57 AM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Basra, BoJo and Bilderberg (possibly)

Basra's been returned to the Iraqis, although British didn't keep the receipt so all it got was a credit note. Nick Clegg's already planning his team, while Chris Huhne is busy stamping out web fires by picking on bloggers. Tories try the "Brown is Scrooge" tack again, this time claiming… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 16 Dec 2007 11:00 AM. Permalink

News from the United Federation of Muesli Knitters

Will Huhne put his £2.4m where his mouth is?

There are some people who (Westmonster strongly suspects) don't actually listen to what their mouths are saying, but sort of let them flap up and down on their own. Such a person is Chris Huhne who seems to have gotten so preoccupied with seeing his face on the telly that's… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 3 Dec 2007 11:55 AM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

News from the United Federation of Muesli Knitters

A message from Vince Cable

What me? Oh no, no, no. I'm just a backroom boy: I put a bit of stick about, I make 'em jump. There's plenty of young chaps - ambitious chaps, too - around who aspire to the leadership of our party. Best leave the serious campaigning to them. Of course, you might think… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 3 Dec 2007 11:23 AM. Permalink

That Was The Week That Was

It's Bean a Long Week

Another Saturday, another roundup, but we're getting a bit fed up of beginning these with "another grim week for the Gord," so until otherwise stated, just take that one as read, folks. Monday dawned with another attempt on the part of the comrades to "relaunch," this time though a speech… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 1 Dec 2007 12:55 PM. There are 6 comments so far. Permalink

Points, In Order

The pitfalls of a democratic system

BONG! The Spectator CoffeeHouse and the new Telegraph blog, Three Line Whip, agree that the Gord can't sack Harman even if he wanted to as she was democratically elected by the membership, and it would be up to them to decide whether to remove her. As deputy leader, the Labour… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 28 Nov 2007 5:27 PM. There are 4 comments so far. Permalink

News from the United Federation of Muesli Knitters

Lies, damned lies, and opinion polls?

As the end nears in the interminable Liberal Democrat leadership contest and voting for the Parliamentary equivalent of Head of Year 7 continues, the Guardian releases a poll that shows Huhne catching up: Forty per cent of just over 200 Lib Dems questioned by the Guardian after a hustings in Cambridge… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 23 Nov 2007 12:01 PM. Permalink

Points, In Order

Sorry, we lost the thrills and spills in the post

BONG! As the members start casting their votes, John Redwood discovers something shocking: clear, er, yellow water between the two Lib Dem leadership contenders. Well, who'da thunk it? BONG! Diskgate continues, as copies of emails from HMRC are released to the press hounds. The spin now is that it was budgetary… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 22 Nov 2007 6:14 PM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Black Wednesday

Predictably, the Affair of the Missing Disks is the top story this morning, although the Today Programme seems to be getting unusually excited about a prehistoric crab. Humphrys must be having one of his hot flushes again. Ann Treneman reports on the Parliamentary response to the data-loss news, the Telegraph… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 21 Nov 2007 8:07 AM. Permalink

News from the United Federation of Muesli Knitters

What a calamity!

Elections for positions of power tend towards the unseemly at times (*cough* Labour Party Deputy Leadership contest *cough*) and it looks like the Clegg-Huhne handbagging is no exception. Apologies for the lack of morning round-up, normal service resumed as of now.… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 19 Nov 2007 10:37 AM. Permalink

News from the United Federation of Muesli Knitters

Vince gets his sex on

Why oh why can't the Liberals keep Vince Cable as leader? Such is the lament from Liberal Democrat blogger Paul Walter, but the charms of the Vincemeister are not limited to the narrow sphere of the blogosphere alone. Oh no. We'd like to draw readers' attention to this Facebook group… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 12 Nov 2007 2:42 PM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

News from the United Federation of Muesli Knitters

Chris Huhne's strategy

As far as we can work out, Chris Huhne's campaign for victory in the LibDem leadership race is based on the misapprehension that not being like that bloke from the Tories who's managed to put the ruling party on the back foot for the first time in a decade, makes… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 12 Nov 2007 1:16 PM. Permalink

Points, In Order

It's grim up north

BONG! In a carefully orchestrated attempt to mobilise the northern vote, Davey has described Manchester as being part urban Shangri-la, part piss-drenched hell. Having watched an episode of Shameless, the Tories social justice hero/failed leader Iain Duncan Smith is reported to have said "if we launch this in Manchester, where… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 9 Nov 2007 5:40 PM. Permalink

Points, In Order

Wasters and the walking wounded

BONG! Bojo's discovering that running for the London mayoralty isn't all champagne receptions and photo shoots - the bally blighters actually want him to do some work as well! Isn't that what the lower orders are for? BONG! Sir Ian Blair's response to the vote of no confidence in him:… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 7 Nov 2007 5:32 PM. Permalink

That Was The Week That Was

Of Kings and knaves

Parliament went into prorogation on Tuesday, but that didn't mean it wasn't a week packed full of uproar beginning on Monday with the visit of King Abdullah and concluding when the verdict of the de Menezes shooting came in on Thursday and the backlash against Ian Blair started in earnest.… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 3 Nov 2007 12:25 PM. Permalink

News from the United Federation of Muesli Knitters

Huhne and Nicky: they're BOTH winners!

Making up your mind is a difficult call for Liberal Democrat members at the best of times but when asked to choose between Nicky (doesn't like the bomb very much) and Huhne (doesn't like the bomb very much at all), the situation is has just unbearable for some. That's probably… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 2 Nov 2007 11:00 AM. Permalink

Points, In Order

Back to the Future: Blair to go?

BONG! The Metropolitan Police have been found guilty over the shooting of Jean Charles de Menezes in July 2005. As appalling as the entire tragedy was, Westmonster nevertheless felt a twinge of nostalgia at a subject line in an email from Gallery News: "I won't resign, says Blair." Oh, and more than… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 1 Nov 2007 6:08 PM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Oh, Mr Cameron!

News for the ladies: Westmonster hears that Davy Cameron was very masterful when he met with King Abdullah yesterday over the issue of Saudi-funded hate literature in British mosques. Be still our heaving bosoms, eh? The Gord, on the other hand, spent his time with His Maj WUSSING OUT of talking about… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 1 Nov 2007 7:55 AM. Permalink

Points, In Order

Handbagging at 4pm

BONG! The LibDem leadership contest is officially ON! Nominations closed at 4pm today and the unseemly bitchslapping between the only two candidates commenced almost immediately. Nicky Clegg gave an interview to the Telegraph outlining how Chris Huhne is a receding hairline away from being exactly like David Cameron, whilst Huhne contended that his advanced… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 31 Oct 2007 7:29 PM. Permalink

Department for Kite Flying

Dave to Scotland: ‘Drop dead.’

The main story seems to be the Observer's front page which outlines the Conservative and Unionist Party's plans to strip Scottish politicians of the right to vote on English laws. Guess what folks? The Gord is, like, Scottish! OMG! This devilishly cunning and subtle plan is being spearheaded by Sir Malcolm Rifkind… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 28 Oct 2007 11:23 AM. Permalink

That Was The Week That Was

Things can only get better (they can't get much worse)

The Gord's woes were many at the beginning of the week, and by the end they were legion. A particularly irritating leit motif for Brown was the fact that Anthony Seldon's new book on Blair hit the shelves over the weekend, so the PM's parade was further rained upon by various reminiscences of… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 27 Oct 2007 12:47 PM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

The stench of hyperbole

The debate's underway in the blogosphere over the Gould report into Scottish elections released yesterday. Iain Dale: "Douglas Alexander has Blood On His Hands and should resign!" Kezia Dugdale, however, has not only read the report but appears to be a bit of an expert in these matters agrees that… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 24 Oct 2007 7:43 AM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Points, In Order

Don't mention the constitution!

BONG! The best efforts of Dave to rattle the Gord during his statement on the EU Treaty were, in the final analysis, sadly lacking. Brown delivered his statement, dug his heels in, and would not be moved. Presumably excessive practice of the speech was required beforehand in case any Freudian… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 22 Oct 2007 5:52 PM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Feud like it's 2004!

Much excitement in the blogosphere this morning at the news that the Tonemeister and the Gord didn't like each other that much. More interesting is this report in the Guardian that Brown stoked the tension surrounding the cash-for-honours inquiry, and told Blair that he "hadn't heard the last of… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 22 Oct 2007 9:05 AM. Permalink

Points, In Order

Bottlers, Bottles, Balls & BoJo

BONG! According to Anthony Seldon's new biography of Brown, Ed Balls is responsible for coining the phrase "bottler" with regard to the Gord. BONG! Andrew Rawnsley speaks up for the worst job in politics: namely being the leader of the LibDems or aspiring to the position. "So bitterly frustrating is… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 21 Oct 2007 7:35 PM. Permalink

Points, In Order

No slap: Pelling beats rap

BONG! No charges to be brought against Conservative MP Andrew Pelling, accused of beating his 26-year-old wife. BONG! Chris Doidge on how it really, really wasn't the LibDem MPs' fault that Ming ended up witha twelve-inch carving knife in his back. They swear. BONG! Nad Dorries posts her usual word-salad. Westmonster… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 20 Oct 2007 8:50 PM. Permalink

That Was The Week That Was

Le roi est mort. Vive le roi! As soon as we've found him.

It was a boring Monday in Parliament. MPs dozed happily on the green benches during Home Office questions, whilst hacks and bloggers lazily looked around for something to write about. A dull day like any other until... ...at 6pm the Sports and Social ran out of Spitfire! Oh, and whatshisname who… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 20 Oct 2007 11:03 AM. Permalink

Points, In Order

Signing sanity away

BONG! In the wake of the Gord signing up to the EU Treaty, opinion on the blogosphere is divided. Grimmer up North is irritated that the promise of a referendum was a manifesto promise as opposed to an actual commitment, whilst Mike Ion reckons not. BONG! The Norfolk Blogger on the ITV phone-in scandal. We… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 19 Oct 2007 6:20 PM. Permalink

News from the United Federation of Muesli Knitters

To Play the King

Is Westmonster the only person finding the LibDem leadership contest (2007 edition) a boring-tacular anti-climax? The 2006 bloodbath was thoroughly enjoyable viewing and had a certain end-scene-in-a Shakespeare-play style feel to it. As the bodies lay scattered around the throne, gradually everybody realised that they'd killed off the king, his… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 19 Oct 2007 2:15 PM. Permalink

Points, In Order

Play nicely, boys

BONG! Dizzy reports that Lord Malloch-Brown has been given first dibs on the accommodation train set. BONG! And the prize for the most evocative phrase of the day goes to Mr Eugenides for this post on the recent "obesity is society's fault" stylings of Alan Johnson. Mr Eugenides: "Well, wake up… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 18 Oct 2007 5:21 PM. Permalink

News from the United Federation of Muesli Knitters

Chris Huhne! Like, the greatest!

The New Statesman carry an article from Lynne Featherstone on why Chris Huhne is where it's at for the ker-AZ-ily different wing of the LibDems who, apparently, need "cosy consensus" like a "hole in the head." Well, that's told Nicky Clegg, eh? Lynne certainly seems a very chirpy lady judging by… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 18 Oct 2007 3:26 PM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Facing the music

Alistair Darling is all set to groom his eyebrows into their most reassuring as news comes in from The Times that the economy's buggered. The EU Treaty will be signed today in Lisbon. Brown, in a cunning attempt to divert attention away from the EU Treaty (see: referendum, lack… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 18 Oct 2007 8:25 AM. There are 2 comments so far. Permalink

Points, In Order

And they're off!

BONG! Chris Huhne has made an early break for the leadership of the Liberal Democrats. Don't worry kids, only another two months of this excitement to go! BONG! Health Secretary Alan Johnson with good news for fatties everywhere: apparently it's not our fault! Yeah! Let's all spend our days eating… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 17 Oct 2007 5:26 PM. Permalink

News from the United Federation of Muesli Knitters

Screw Pharaoh. We're outta here.

A little bird (boom boom!) tells us that there's about to be a stampede of Cowley Street staff in the direction of Nicky Clegg's leadership campaign. Is Nicky, like Moses, inspiring his people to down tools and follow him into the Promised Land? Or is the truth that the leadership fight is… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 17 Oct 2007 2:27 PM. Permalink

News from the United Federation of Muesli Knitters

There ain't room in this House for both of us

Iain Dale has a story on why the Liberals shouldn't choose Nicky Clegg as leader because he's young, floppy haired, and might eat into the Tories poll lead he'd be crap. On a discussion on Vox Politix last night (which, curiously, Westmonster managed to miss), Spectator columnist John Torode said… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 17 Oct 2007 8:21 AM. Permalink

News from the United Federation of Muesli Knitters

Run Vince! Run!

Spotted in Portcullis House: acting leader of the Liberal Democrats, former knife wielder, and potential leadership candidate Vince Cable running at surprising speed past the lunchtime phalanx of posing bag-carriers. Is Vince attempting to bolster his claim to the leadership by demonstrating he can move faster than Sir Ming, or… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 16 Oct 2007 2:46 PM. Permalink

Westmonster: “LibDem leadership contest 07”