BONG! More trouble for Ian Blair as news filters through that his hypothetical resignation would not be accepted, in advance of another report on the Stockwell shooting. BONG! David Cameron's apparent love of gas-guzzling, environmentally unfriendly, carbon footprint-creating, large, posh vehicles to follow him around as he delivers lectures on how… read more…

BONG! The LibDem leadership contest is officially ON! Nominations closed at 4pm today and the unseemly bitchslapping between the only two candidates commenced almost immediately. Nicky Clegg gave an interview to the Telegraph outlining how Chris Huhne is a receding hairline away from being exactly like David Cameron, whilst Huhne contended that his advanced… read more…

BONG! And the big news that's moistening up the Telegraph team is the announcement that Davy wants to declare Scotland part of the Axis of Evil. We're shaky on the details but we're guessing that it's a firm policy proposal to deal with these Scottish people who are taking our money,… read more…

BONG! According to Anthony Seldon's new biography of Brown, Ed Balls is responsible for coining the phrase "bottler" with regard to the Gord. BONG! Andrew Rawnsley speaks up for the worst job in politics: namely being the leader of the LibDems or aspiring to the position. "So bitterly frustrating is… read more…

What do Ming Campbell and Julius Caesar have in common? They were both knifed by a collection of blokes wearing sandals! Boom, boom, thank you: we're here all week. The meedja are in full "Estelle Morris" mode this morning. Remember kids, Ming was only an old duffer who couldn't… read more…

BONG! David Cameron is in discussions with Arnie about being an extra in his his next film, Conan the Barbarian XIV: Hug The Huskies. BONG! At the end of a bad week for Brown, Guido imagines the scene chez Blair. BONG! ConservativeHome on how Lord Ashcroft is like a one-man trade… read more…

BONG! Cameron's choice of campaign song is questioned by Tom Watson: apparently it's about gangstas, taking drugs, smacking hos, shooting up the pigs, and all of the jolly unpleasant things that the Tories are dreadfully unhappy about. Poor show, chaps! BONG! Five minutes before Dave is due to address Conference, Nadine… read more…

Alice Miles in the Times gives a resounding bitchslap to the Tories' plans to "boost marriage." For herself, Westmonster has always been somewhat perplexed that the Conservatives seem to genuinely believe that there are those who - halfway through The Sex - will stop to give serious consideration to… read more…

Arnold Schwarzenegger disappointed Conservatives a few months ago when he announced that he couldn't address their Conference in person because he didn't want to be tarred by association with a crappy brand was washing his hair. Nevertheless, he managed to chat to the Tories via video link yesterday, and… read more…

Cameron is all "bring it on Gordon!" this morning, claiming he would welcome an early election. If yesterday's polling is to be believed, this would indicate he's either mad, delusional, a combination of both or in a position where he can't squeal: "for the love of God, no!" which… read more…