Ministry for Made Up Numbers

London mayoral election missing 41,000 votes...

Prepare yourself for an onslaught of conspiracy, outrage, and disgust as it is revealed that the results of the London Mayoral election may have been incorrectly counted due to a problem with the voting machines!?!? Reports over at the Guardian suggest that technological deficiencies may have 'accidentally' led to the… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 2 Jul 2008 5:22 PM. There are 2 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Retro-futurism

Futuristic car plans unveiled...

The future is all we've really got if you think about it. Which is why it's more than a little daunting that we should entrust it to a man like Gordon Brown who seems to think that 'good' means 'fines' and that 'better' means 'more'. It's really quite confusing. In… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 17 Jun 2008 11:55 AM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Fair Play

Bojo to fly cattle class to China...

Boris Johnson yesterday announced that the Greater London Authority was to take a more frugal approach to Olympic spending than predecessor Ken Livingstone may have done if he'd remained in office. At a meeting with the Olympic Board he proclaimed that, under his management, the key priority regarding both the… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 13 Jun 2008 10:59 AM. There are 2 comments so far. Permalink

Shit Hits The Fan Dept.

Ken Livingstone's mysterious missing millions

Train-based alcohol ban aside, Boris Johnson has been keeping a remarkably low profile since his installation as Mayor of London a few weeks back. Theories have run rampant around the Westmonster office as to what he's been up to, and we managed to come up with two relatively convincing… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 7 Jun 2008 10:20 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Memories

In Livingstone we trust...

Boris Johnson has been ruminating upon the future of the Greater London Authority’s international offices and whether or not they are worth keeping. The offices in Delhi, Mumbai, Beijing, Shanghai, Brussels and Caracas, as well as a consultant based in Moscow, were the stellar idea of former mayor Ken Livingstone… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 28 May 2008 2:35 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Insensitivity

Top 10 politicians in need of a beating...

Whilst Westmonster doesn't espouse the use of violence to achieve its goals, we can't help but think that the recent incident involving the beating of Labour MP Anne Moffat will make her think more carefully regarding the way that she votes on, or deals with, issues of crime in the… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 26 May 2008 3:01 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Social Mobility

Ken Livingstone finds new job...

Thousands of Londoners are quivering in the throes of rapture today after hearing that Ken Livingstone has found a new job as a radio personality. The former London mayor is to host his own radio show on the capital's commercial network LBC 97.3. After he was last seen to be… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 20 May 2008 12:45 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Verdant Virtues

Bojo likes trees...

Boris Johnson has officially put an end to The Londoner, which he has described as "the Mayor's ludicrous Pyongyang-style newspaper". His office claims that the move will save an estimated £2.9m. Announced this morning, Mr Johnson said that he will use at least £1m of the saved amount to provide… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 13 May 2008 9:09 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Breakdowns

Ken Livingstone: the next chapter

The Evening Standard has iced the cake of its hate campaign against Ken Livingstone by posting a rather sombre picture of the crestfallen ex-mayor cleaning out his office. And whilst it's not unusual to see Red Ken looking more than a little disgruntled, it must be said that he looks… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 6 May 2008 12:44 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Reverence

All hail the mighty Bojo: election results in

Well Boys and Girls, it's official: London town is not the town it was just yesterday. News just in from Union Futures has shown that the virtues of Capitalism have once again vanquished the evils of Communism as Boris Johnson has officially managed to snatch the role of London Mayor… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 2 May 2008 11:41 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Bets Being Off

All signs point to Bojo..

Both Politicalbetting.com and the one of the FT blogs have reported that Paddypower, the Irish Book Makers, has already started paying out on Boris Johnson winning the Mayoral Election - despite the fact that votes haven't been officially counted yet. [This would be a good place to stick one of… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 2 May 2008 2:34 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Cheapshots

Paddick's new campaign videos rattle some cages...

Days before the Mayoral Election and Brian Paddick has being causing a bit of a stir with a series of American style 'attack ads' aimed at his opponents. These two videos, which were originally posted over at the Lib Dem Voice blog, show Paddick's campaign taking a slightly smutty turn… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 30 Apr 2008 2:57 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Dunking

Tea and biscuits with Bojo...

As the build-up to tomorrow's London Mayoral Election campaigning reaches its coda candidates are doing everything that they can in the last minute dash to the finish line. Of course, in his usual pollyannaish manner, it is Boris Johnson that has found the most novel way of motivating his team… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 30 Apr 2008 9:49 AM. Permalink

Cesspool on the Potomac: Thames Edition

London Elections: empty register?

Hey. Do you live in London? Are you aged between 25-34? Are you registered to vote? Chances are that - among that particular target bracket - 27% percent of you will have either shaken your head miserably or yelled 'voting? I don't need to do that! What have those… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 29 Apr 2008 10:42 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Bleak Outlooks

Numbers: the times they are a-changin'

It's been a busy day for political numbers: Over at The Guardian they have a report on the latest opinion poll statistics concerning the London Mayoral Election. Surprisingly for some, perhaps most of all Ken Livingstone, they show that London's favourite anarchist has managed to overtake Boris Johnson and creep… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 25 Apr 2008 6:25 PM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Munchies

Boris Johnson is down with the kids...

Boris Johnson professed his love of da herb (marijuana) yesterday when asked whether he thinks it should be made legal for medicinal use. Perhaps that explains his famously whimsical sense of humour. As part of a question and answer session held by the Telegraph, Mr. Johnson got groovy when replying… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 25 Apr 2008 1:12 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Smiling on The Inside

Research suggests conservatives are happier than liberals

The Freakanomics blog has an interesting article today which claims that Conservatives are generally happier than Liberals. Although the research is based on samples from the American population, Westmonster couldn't help but wonder whether or not the same could be said of the English... Despite research suggesting that Conservatives… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 24 Apr 2008 3:18 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Old Friends

New Livingstone, New Danger?

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water, The Guardian today reveals that Ken Livingstone has been receiving campaign advice from none other than ex-pm Tony Blair and his spin doctor friend Alastair Campbell. The move comes at a time when we were secretly hoping… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 24 Apr 2008 1:41 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Dance Moves

Boris proposes to save London through music and drama

In a poignant speech made yesterday Boris Johnson showcased his vision for a better London and told of a secret dream that he harbours regarding the transformative powers of art. It was a dream for the future. A dream to inspire. Something so culturally mind-blowing that, generations from now, our… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 22 Apr 2008 10:51 AM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Incubation

Ken pledges to expand culture..

Perhaps riding on the confidence boost provided by the weekend's revelation that he was finally beating contender Boris Johson in the polls (45% against 44%), Ken Livingstone today launched into his manifesto for the upcoming election with a joie de vivre that has been seldom seen over the past few… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 21 Apr 2008 2:48 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Fair Play

Personality goes a long way..

It has to be said that a lot of people are getting worried about Boris Johnson. Ken Livingstone seems to be in a constant state of disappointment and anxiety these days, the left-wing media keeps flapping its wings in panic, and even that bug up Brian Paddick's boring ass… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 21 Apr 2008 11:33 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Last Chance Saloons

Red Ken wants another chance..

Ken Livingstone has taken an opportunity to inform readers of The Guardian why they should vote for him in the upcoming London Mayoral Election. As the first of the main candidates invited to use the paper as a forum, he writes a brief outline of his policies in comparison to… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 18 Apr 2008 10:16 AM. Permalink

Ministry of Cultural Hyperbole

Brown joins cast of Livingstone's List

Lucky Ken Livingstone has upped the stakes and added no less than hip and happening Gordon Brown to his VIP celebrity guest list. As reported on Ian Dale's Diary yesterday, Mr Livingstone has released an honour roll of celebrity supporters that reads like a who's who of C-list dregs and… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 15 Apr 2008 12:00 PM. Permalink

MINISTRY FOR DULL INVESTIGATION

Ken catches up but Bojo has more friends...

After looking at the latest batch of opinion polls, supporters of Ken Livingstone to win the London Mayoral Election are shaking in their sandals a little less than they were a few weeks ago. According to figures, discovered in a YouGov survey for the Evening Standard, Livingstone is gaining on… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 14 Apr 2008 4:52 PM. Permalink

Ministry for cheap shots

Conservatives provide new opportunities in broadcasting

Any would-be broadcasters out there may wish to know of an exciting job opportunity that is being offered over at the Conservative home website. In perhaps the most exciting development within the broadcasting industry since the invention of the radio, it appears that the call-to-arms on the page is seeking… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 11 Apr 2008 7:02 PM. Permalink

Ministry for low production values

Mayoral campaign videos online..

Boris Johnson, Ken Livingstone and Brian Paddick have all released their campaign videos on Youtube. Westmonster had a quick gander and discovered some interesting contrasts: Boris Johnson comes across as more Boris Karloff in his video. Shot in a rather sober black and white to show us the 'serious' side… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 9 Apr 2008 11:30 AM. Permalink

Cesspool on the Potomac: Thames Edition

Boris Johnson's emails hacked, says Boris Johnson

No-one was expecting a good clean fight, but the London mayoral election race between Livingstone and BoJo appears to be stepping up the filth stakes. The Boris Johnson camp is claiming that their leader has been subject to computer hacking, and that some unscrupulous soul has been having a… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 6 Apr 2008 8:43 PM. There are 3 comments so far. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Morning media zoo

"My comments do not accurately reflect my views" says Gerry Sutcliffe. Tax revolts are habit-forming: Guardian Phone-it-in headline of the day: "Commons to publish some expenses." Mweh. BBC (also Guardian and Independent) Data theft well and truly fudged. Guardian Ken's got enough children for a basketball team. World shrugs. Guardian… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 4 Apr 2008 9:11 AM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Spoonfed politics: morning round-up

Mick Fealty wants the London dog to see the BoJo rabbit: Brassneck London Mayoral "on a knife-edge" - unfortunate turn of phrase from the Guardian Ken's knife-edge plan: raid the schools! This Is London Cammers likes his women to look a certain way: Telegraph El Gordo's latest mainstream election wheeze:… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 3 Apr 2008 8:23 AM. Permalink

All change please

Ken's outbreak of truthiness

Gordon Brown and Ken Livingstone have more in common than we might have thought.....… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 1 Apr 2008 10:08 AM. Permalink

Cesspool on the Potomac: Thames Edition

David Cameron Supports Boris Johnson; No-one Surprised

Tory leader David Cameron has put his full backing behind prospective London mayor Boris Johnson, referring to the bumbling Biggles fan as ''exactly the kind of leader the capital needs''. Elaborating on things, D-Cam turned up to Boris's Edmonton campaign launch and reeled off more of his tribute: "I don't… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 31 Mar 2008 11:22 PM. Permalink

All change please

ConservativeHome: Boris now 12% ahead

ConservativeHome have a new YouGov survey from the Stannah showing Boris Johnson is now 12% ahead. We think they mean "12 percentage points" but you get the idea. BoJo ahead in second-preference voting, too. The suburbs are making themselves heard once more, it appears. We should also point out that… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 17 Mar 2008 11:30 AM. Permalink

All change please

Ken v. Associated

Ken's, ahem, issues with the Evening Standard are well documented, and now he's having a pop at the mothership: The Daily Mail has a long and despicable record of vilifying the different generations of people who have made our city their home, whether they be Jewish, Black, Asian, Irish or,… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 17 Mar 2008 8:30 AM. Permalink

All change please

Gilligan gets his story unstraight

Dave Hill has a pretty devastating document from the GLA Monitoring Service, which completely contradicts Andrew Gilligan's repeated claim that he's never accused Lee Jasper of being a criminal: 2. The Evening Standard on 21 February [in an article by Andrew Gilligan] alleges that "Mr Jasper’s alleged offences are not… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 14 Mar 2008 8:24 AM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

All change please

London's new attack dog

Ken's rolling out the big guns in his fight with Boris. Well, the small Catholic guns, anyway. Here comes Ruth Kelly to stick the knife into BoJo's bus estimates: "Boris Johnson's transport policy is in tatters given this extraordinary underestimate of the cost of his bus policy by £100m a… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 14 Mar 2008 8:10 AM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

BBC gets coy

Some rather coy coverage from the Beeb about an arrest in the City Hall fraud inquiry: One man has been arrested and three homes have been raided by police investigating the fraud allegations surrounding a former aide to the mayor. The Metropolitan Police (Met) said it had searched homes in… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 11 Mar 2008 3:00 PM. Permalink

All change please

Ken's big guns

Say what you like about Ken, but we reckon his transport announcements today make BoJo's fiddling with conductors look like the work of an upper-class dilettante who doesn't use public transport: The mayor said he would put a fleet of 500 hybrid buses, which cut emissions by up to 40… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 10 Mar 2008 2:46 PM. Permalink

All change please

I'll get you, Butler

Boris Johnson has gone postal on Transport for London this morning, accusing them of all sorts of chicanery and political bias. Their heinous crime? Supplying guardian.co.uk with some statistics which make something of a mockery of Johnson's estimates for the costs of putting conductors on a fleet of Routemasters which… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 7 Mar 2008 8:55 AM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Gilligan for Mayor

Not much new stuff in John Harris' interview with Livingstone in the Ken Guardian this morning, but we did enjoy this little vignette featuring Andrew Gilligan: When I call Gilligan, he's at home, with the News blaring from a TV set in the background, presumably luxuriating in the fact that… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 5 Mar 2008 8:30 AM. Permalink

Westmonster: “Ken Livingstone”