Meedja on the Insanity Pills

No surprises as Tories take Henley...

The Tories won the Henley by-election, with Labour in fifth place. BBC. The Guardian. Nelson Mandela's birthday concert is taking place today in Hyde park. BBC. The State is to start taking action against five-year-olds that with criminal tendencies (thank you Jacqui Smith). The Times. Jack Straw has controversially admitted… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 27 Jun 2008 7:53 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Ingenuity

New jail plans demonstrate superior thinking...

The UK government has managed to stun sentient beings across the globe with a sensitivity, tact, and understanding not seen since Mother Teresa last walked the earth. The reasons for this new wave of greatness comes in the form of a recently made decision regarding the dealing of the UK's… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 28 May 2008 1:37 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Insensitivity

Top 10 politicians in need of a beating...

Whilst Westmonster doesn't espouse the use of violence to achieve its goals, we can't help but think that the recent incident involving the beating of Labour MP Anne Moffat will make her think more carefully regarding the way that she votes on, or deals with, issues of crime in the… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 26 May 2008 3:01 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Bleak Outlooks

The lights are on but no one's home...

Despite earlier reports that he might be going somewhere, Gordon Brown has managed to instill a sense of fear and confusion into the minds of the masses by revealing that he is planning something called a 'two-year fight back campaign'. The long and short of it will be that he… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 26 May 2008 12:18 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Unedification

Chivalry is dead and Jack Straw killed it...

Chivalry is dead and Jack Straw killed it, according to Foreign Secretary David Miliband in a speech that he made on his recent trip to America. The comments came in reference to a 2006 incident which saw Straw, Miliband's predecessor, forcing Condoleezza Rice to sleep on the floor whilst he… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 23 May 2008 11:27 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Last Chance Saloons

Jack Straw maintains delusions of victory

Commentators have been calling it the 'May Day Massacre', and it isn't hard to see why: nationwide elections have officially thrust a stake into the heart of the New Labour dream. Like a child burying a deceased pet gerbil, it's time to close the lid of the shoebox, assemble… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 3 May 2008 8:05 PM. Permalink

Department for Tax and Spend

Jack Straw officially 'sorry'

Sometimes apologising can be the hardest thing to do. Especially if you're a politician - it's traditionally seen as a sign of weakness akin to painting a target on your forehead, handing a crossbow to your opponents and giving them a cheeky wink and a thumbs-up. Yet there are… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 28 Apr 2008 10:57 PM. Permalink

Department for Silly Lists

Straight-talking Jack

Look, this is just too easy. At 12.15 pm, the Grauniad reports that Jack Straw is urging and end to 'dreadful' public service jargon: "The use of euphemism across government, particularly but not exclusively in the fields of social services, is dreadful, because it acts as a barrier between the… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 10 Mar 2008 2:55 PM. Permalink

Department for the Tyburn Jig

Canary in the goldmine?

We've always had a soft spot for the Chief Inspector of Prisons. Not necessarily the current incumbent, Anne Owers (although she may be red hot, we don't know), but for the office itself. And mainly because the office seems to be a lightning rod for government criticism, and a pretty… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 30 Jan 2008 9:12 AM. Permalink

Department for Kite Flying

El Gordo's Get Out of Jail card?

Does El Gordo have a constitutional get out of jail card, and is it called PR? They may just be kite-flying, but the Indy this morning has a speculative piece saying that Jack Straw's Ministry of Justice will this week set out options for replacing Westminster's first-past-the-post system. No other… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 21 Jan 2008 9:36 AM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

A BNP divided

The BNP appears to be riven asunder and they think that'll be the reason no one votes for them. Um no. It's the racism thing, kids. What does the wise party spokesman, Simon Derby, have to say? He denies the BNP is irrevocably split - claiming it is simply going… read more…

Written by Westmonster on 20 Dec 2007 8:24 AM. Permalink

Westmonster Media Club

Live! PMQs 12/12/2007

OK, here we go. It's getting close to Christmas, Brown's got to make a flit to Lisbon later today, and we can expect questions about that, about policy pay, about The Meaning of Life (aka, 42) and about the Children's Plan (assuming anyone's had time to read it yet). Usual… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 12 Dec 2007 11:51 AM. Permalink

Department of Doublespeak

Jack Straw plays "what if?"

Mr Justice himself has been typing away for Comment is Free, on the thorny issue of civil liberties. He points out a few happy developments, such as the extension of the Human Rights Act to "public authorities" (his quotation marks, his lack of real explanation); the gift of the Freedom… read more…

Written by Westmonster on 12 Dec 2007 10:45 AM. Permalink

Points, In Order

Polls, rude words, and damsels in distress

BONG! And well he might give the thumbs up: the Labour Party's apparently descended into donation related chaos, and an IPSOS Mori poll confirms the Tories lead and puts them nine percent ahead of the comrades. BONG! Very funny viral email here, courtesy of the Telegraph. C'mon people, it's Friday!… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 30 Nov 2007 6:47 PM. Permalink

Department for the Tyburn Jig

Mama mia, let me go!

Well, well, well. It seems that the staff at Leeds Crown court have been overly influenced by the bit in Bohemian Rhapsody that comes before the headbanging, and have let a bunch of criminals go. Nice work, boys! After all, they didn't turn up to court, so best just forget… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 29 Nov 2007 2:20 PM. Permalink

Department for Silly Lists

Who Do You Think You Are Kidding Mr Cameron?

We've had quick squiz over what is loosely referred to here at Westmonster as our "reporting" over the past week, and have been shocked at the high volume of Government-in-the-brown-stuff style stories. Lest it be doubted - we believe that this administration is just the sort of very-British crack-squad that this country needs to… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 22 Nov 2007 4:57 PM. There are 2 comments so far. Permalink

That Was The Week That Was

Brenda and backbiting

The week began with the fallout from Nigel Hastilow's Enoch-stylings (good, one Nige. Note: this is sarcasm), moved on to the Queen's Speech on Tuesday and ended with a whimper rather than a bang as the debates on the Address meandered pointlessly on until the House rose on Thursday. Things were… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 10 Nov 2007 11:50 AM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Kings Dangling and Lords A-Leaping

The Spectator on how Lord Malloch-Brown is spending taxpayers' money on those chunky chocolate chip cookies that are about two quid for five, rather than the Tesco's own-brand rich tea. For shame! The Times reports a double-whammy perpetrated on Jacqui Smith yesterday: mauled by Basher Davis in the Justice… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 8 Nov 2007 8:45 AM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Going backwards

So far the issue that seems to be exciting everybody the most in relation to the Queen's Speech is that Jack Straw walked backwards at some point. Meanwhile, the Beeb has a summary of the 29 Bills announced here.… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 6 Nov 2007 12:31 PM. Permalink

Gawd Bless Yer Ma'am

LIVE! Queen's Speech, 6/11/07

Well done Her Majesty! Didn't she read the list of legislation beautifully? Amongst everything else there will be legislation on the EU Reform Treaty, a Bill to keep da yoof in education, various stuff on climate change, reforms of the criminal justice system, a new Homes and Communities Agency is… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 6 Nov 2007 11:58 AM. There are 2 comments so far. Permalink

Department for Kite Flying

Dave to Scotland: ‘Drop dead.’

The main story seems to be the Observer's front page which outlines the Conservative and Unionist Party's plans to strip Scottish politicians of the right to vote on English laws. Guess what folks? The Gord is, like, Scottish! OMG! This devilishly cunning and subtle plan is being spearheaded by Sir Malcolm Rifkind… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 28 Oct 2007 11:23 AM. Permalink

That Was The Week That Was

Things can only get better (they can't get much worse)

The Gord's woes were many at the beginning of the week, and by the end they were legion. A particularly irritating leit motif for Brown was the fact that Anthony Seldon's new book on Blair hit the shelves over the weekend, so the PM's parade was further rained upon by various reminiscences of… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 27 Oct 2007 12:47 PM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Points, In Order

On Liberty (and what it costs)

BONG! Brown's speech on liberty has generated much comment. Sunny asks why we just can't have a codified constitution, Peter Kenyon queries whether he should practice what he preaches with regard to the Labour Party, and Boulton and Co. aren't that impressed. No pleasing some people, eh? BONG! MPs' expenses… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 25 Oct 2007 6:00 PM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Wee Nicky to take The Plunge

Clegg is set to announce his candidacy at 11.30am, as the Guardian reports that the non-appearance of Steve Webb at the starting blocks has boosted little Nicky's campaign. Quite how the Liberal Democrats will be able to keep up this level of excitement for the next two months, Westmonster really has no… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 19 Oct 2007 9:10 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Paper Waving

LIVE! PMQs for 10/10/07

11:59 A couple of minutes to go until Welsh Questions winds up, and Westmonster would like it noted that it appears to be House of Commons Loud Tie Day, with both Peter Hain and Jack Straw wearing eye-watering confections. Looking good, gents. 12:00 Here we go. Harriet wrestles aside the… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 10 Oct 2007 11:38 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Stopping The Presses

Telegraph: all schoolkids to be jailed!

Horrific news from the Telegraph following Straw's announcement yesterday that incitement to homophobic hatred is to become a crime. The Telegraph reports that every school child who so much as says, "Why, it's a gay morning isn't it chaps? Pip pip!" will be immediately sent to Wormwood Scrubs where they… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 10 Oct 2007 10:50 AM. Permalink

Department for the Tyburn Jig

Losing My Religion

Yesterday's criminal justice Bill descended into the sort of medieval insania which only the thorny issue of "the gays" can inspire. The Criminal Justice and Immigration Bill is a wide-ranging piece of legislation that seeks to reduce anti-social behaviour and give protection to householders defending their property against intruders. In… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 9 Oct 2007 8:05 AM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Statesmanship a la mode

Great stuff from Dave yesterday in the Iraq statement. Dave berated the Gord for how he was "dealing with people's lives and the families of our brave servicemen. How dare he play politics with our armed forces? The Conservatives wouldn't do that! Vote for us to support our boys!" Stirringly… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 9 Oct 2007 7:39 AM. Permalink

Behind the Terrace curtain

How was he for you?

Well, the Gord's managed to get through two of the three horror-events he's got planned today without suffering a major mishap. The policy he adopted at his press conference of talking expansively about his "vision" every time somebody asked a question that may have been within the same postcode as… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 8 Oct 2007 5:01 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Madness

Shut up, you crazy fool!

So Basher Davis has compared Justice Secretary Jack Straw to that esteemed criminologist, BA Baracus. Once more, people: politicians should never, ever attempt humour. The only one who could get away with it was Chucky K. And look what happened to him. Apart from anything else, BA is clearly not… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 2 Oct 2007 2:59 PM. Permalink

Westmonster: “Jack Straw”