Westmonster: “Hillary Clinton”

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

No surprises as Tories take Henley...

The Tories won the Henley by-election, with Labour in fifth place. BBC. The Guardian. Nelson Mandela's birthday concert is taking place today in Hyde park. BBC. The State is to start taking action against five-year-olds that with criminal tendencies (thank you Jacqui Smith). The Times. Jack Straw has controversially admitted… read more…
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No Zimbabwe, man...

The U.S. Government has stated that it won't recognise the results of Friday's presidential election run-off in Zimbabwe. BBC. The Conservatives have reached another twenty year high in the polls. The Guardian. A Government-commissioned report has concluded that Britain is ill-prepared for a new flooding crisis. The Telegraph. Council workers… read more…
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Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Brown's imperial treasury eyed by Osborne...

George Osborne, the Conservative shadow chancellor, has announced plans to shrink Gordon Brown's imperial treasury. The Telegraph. UN officials have been given rare access to North Korea's countryside so that they can assess the severity of the country's food shortage. BBC. Refugee Week kicked off yesterday, though most people seem… read more…
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Ministry for Cash-ins

American campaign cola shows cultural differences...

An American manufacturer of soft drinks has decided to contribute to the tumult surrounding the presidential nominations by allowing customers to sate their thirsts via candidate inspired packaging. Though some would call the ploy nothing more than a cyncial cash-in on the world of current events (though not current enough… read more…
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Meedja on the Insanity Pills

The kids aren't all right...

A new report has claimed that UK children are being demonised by the other members of society. BBC. Gordon Brown is set to lose on the 42-day detention plans. The Times. House prices are expected to fall by up to 50% over the next four years. The Guardian. There is… read more…
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Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Bad teeth on the rise...

Due to a government shake-up of the system, fewer people are visiting NHS dentists than they were a few years ago. The Times. A senior adviser of Barack Obama has stated that Britain must lead the world on prevention of bioterrorism. The Guardian. Shadow leader of the House, Theresa May,… read more…
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Ministry for Nasal Sensationalism

Labour attempts to make best friend of Obama...

Despite their harbouring of secret wishes that their good friend Hillary could have been the one to cinch the US Democratic nomination, it appears that most high-profile Labour politicians, including Gordon Brown, have decided to take the plunge and prepare their noses for the long and arduous journey into the… read more…
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Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Brown cracks down on knife crime...

Gordon Brown has announced tough new laws on knife crime (probably in the hope that he won't be stabbed in the back as often). The Guardian. MPs and their generous expense accounts are still annoying the proletariat. The Times. A new law will allow cyclists to go the wrong way… read more…
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Roundup

Media roundup: Clinton for Vice President?

So Hillary Clinton has essentially conceded defeat to opponent Barack Obama, but this may not spell the end for a politically active incarnation of Mrs. C - oooohh no, not with rumours circulating that Obama may decide to choose her as his Presidential running mate. Let's take a look… read more…
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Ministry for Waiting

Knock, knock, knocking on Labour's door...

David Blunkett has joined the bevy of myopic Labour politicians convinced that the party will rise like some sort of sloppy phoenix from the ashes of Gordon Brown's maladroit leadership skills. Speaking on a Radio 5 interview, he said that even though they had reached 'rock bottom', Labour still stands… read more…
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Our American Cousins

Bill Clinton: 'my wife is doomed'

If at first you don't succeed, a wise man once said, try, try and try again. And then give up. No point being a whining ninny about it. It looks like the Hillary Clinton camp may finally be heeding this advice (that's the 'giving up' part, by the way,… read more…
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Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Doctors seek cure for ineptitude...

MPs have labelled the government's handling of last year's junior medic recruitment drive as 'inept'. BBC. The Guardian. It has been claimed that Alastair Campbell sexed-up Tony Blair's 45 minute WMD claim whilst the case for invading Iraq was being made. New Statesman. A report has shown that UK households… read more…
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Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Still hope for Labour...

It has been said that Labour 'can still win the next election'. The Guardian. The NHS has claimed that the public are in favour of the government's proposed 'polyclinic' scheme. The Guardian. New rules regarding the number of skilled migrants allowed to work in the UK are to be announced… read more…
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Our American Cousins

Bill Clinton unsurprisingly dislikes Obama

'Stand by your man,' Tammy Wynette once sang, not realising that many of her listeners may have to do exactly that. And - following Hillary's forgiveness towards those cheeky little cigar-meets-intern antics a decade back - Bill Clinton clearly owes his wife a favour or two. Consider it returned.… read more…
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Ministry for Cheapshots

Hillary to solve world's nut cracking problems..

Ladies and Gentlemen, Westmonster is proud to introduce you to the solution to all of your nut cracking needs: the Hillary Clinton Nutcracker. Standing as the most obtuse of the Anti-Hillary merchandise available for sale in America, the Hillary Nutcracker acts as a fine example of post-feminist understanding and ideological… read more…
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Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Brown asks Americans for campaign tactics..

Gordon Brown asks Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama for campaign advice. The Times. About a third of classrooms in England and Wales will be closed today due to the teachers' strike. BBC. A bill which would force all peers to pay UK taxes is to be debated today. ePolitix. Chinese… read more…
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Our American Cousins

What next for Hillary Clinton?

We know exactly what you're thinking. You're thinking: "now that Hillary Clinton has secured victory in the Pennsylvania Democractic Primary, what does the future have in store for her campaign?". Well - either that or you're thinking "who are you? What is this site? Why am I here? I… read more…
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Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Darling pays off..

Banks have agreed to help lenders after yesterday's talks with Alistair Darling. The Guardian. Jacob Zuma, the leader of South Africa's governing ANC, is in town for talks with Gordon Brown. BBC. Labour's 10p tax rebels have demanded that ministers must provide up to £1bn in compensation. The Guardian. The… read more…
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Our American Cousins

Hillary Clinton: 'I'd obliterate Iran. Possibly'

What with the anti-war movement forming a huge part of the Democratic voting base, you'd think that both leadership candidates would be keeping the gung-ho mentality to an absolute minimum. Think about it. What would that nice Bill Maher say? Seems that this internal memo must have slipped Hillary… read more…
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Cesspool on the Potomac

Hillary Clinton compares herself to Truman

After a couple of campaign commercials in which Hillary Clinton insisted that she - and she alone - was the ideal person to call in the event of a housing crisis at 3am, her team has decided to take a fresh approach on the newest advert. Previous commericals, you… read more…
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Ministry for Procrastination

US presidential hopefuls for your fingers..

As if the upcoming US Presidential Election wasn't providing enough excitement already, Westmonster is proud to announce that we have had the good fortune of discovering a riveting website that allows you to make your very own finger puppets of the three main Candidates. And for free, no less. Maybe… read more…
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Meedja on the Insanity Pills

UK welfare to go NYC

The UK welfare programme may be about to take some inspiration from NYC. The Guardian. If nobody has heard about it, the US economy seems to be having a few problems. BBC. Harriet Harman, Leader of The Commons, will not be investigated by police after failing to declare a monetary… read more…
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Cesspool on the (New) Jersey Shore

Springsteen on Obama: 'Born to Run'

Perhaps it's a sign of our age, but Westmonster thinks Bruce Springsteen, well, rocks. We're even setting aside our hatred of the Gunners to see him at the Emirates next month. But one reason we've always loved him, aside from his music, is that he's an original. So we were… read more…
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Cesspool on the Potomac

Clinton and Obama now just drinking beer

Running for Democratic Party leader must be a stressful old game. Sometimes, Westmonster expects, Hillary and Barack must want nothing more that to put their feet up, crack open a cold brewski and merrily sip their concerns away. Before gulping the entire bottle whole and then reaching for six… read more…
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Cesspool on the Potomac

Hilary Clinton: not interested in guns or churches

It must be frustrating when - as a politician - someone keeps questioning you about an issue you'd like to avoid. A prime example being, of course, Jeremy Paxman's head-to-head with Michael Howard on Newsnight, in which the same question was asked so many times it began to resemble… read more…
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Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Media folly: Tuesday Morning roundup

Congratulations on making it through the whole of yesterday. Today's top stories seem to be shaping-up as follows: Everybody thinks Princess Diana was unlawfully killed, including William and Harry. Read The Telegraph's spin here. Paula Radcliffe claims that the heat and humidity of China will makes things hard for Olympic… read more…
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Cesspool on the Potomac

Condi Rice: future Vice President?

What with the persistent Obama/Clinton face-off snaring the majority of the headlines, it's easy to forget that the Democratic Party leadership contest is simply a prelude to another event - the small matter of an American general election. There's a very real chance that Republican candidate John McCain could… read more…
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Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Media folly: Morning roundup

We're assuming that you're reading this after recently arriving at your office for the Monday morning grind. Please accept our commiserations but rest assured that, despite the planet's usual state of discord, things seem to be pretty much in order. The best of the morning's stories are as follows: Following… read more…
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Cesspool on the Potomac

Hilary Clinton's odd '3am' fixation continues

Hilary Clinton has churned out a sequel to her much-maligned '3am ringing phone' commercial. Check out the mini-Halloween horrorshow below:… read more…
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Cesspool on the Potomac

Clinton and Obama unite against McCain

Despite the fact that the Democrat leadership battle is turning daily into the sort of tussle you'd see in a borstal exercise yard, it's nice to see that Hilary Clinton and Barack Obama can at least come together on one thing. That thing being: disliking John McCain. Clinton and… read more…
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Ministry For Finger Pointing

Commons Speaker getting probed for expenses

Want a further addition to the recent media furore about MPs' declared - and more importantly undeclared - expenses? Oh, go on, then. It turns out that now Michael Martin, speaker of the House Of Commons, is due to face a probe into his financial dealings. It's being carried… read more…
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Our American Cousins

Barack Obama: The Endorsements Continue

Democratic hopeful Barack Obama has received his latest welcome boost - an endorsement from Minnesota senator Amy Klobuchar. Klobuchar is a 'superdelegate', which means that - while sounding like a particularly rubbish comic book hero obsessed with sitting down and talking things over - she is one of around… read more…
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Cesspool on the Potomac

Dems race gets dirty

Things are getting a bit nasty in the Dems race, as this blog discovered:… read more…
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Our American Cousins

American Politicians Unsure Of What 'Healthcare' Means

Ask any Brit to define the term 'healthcare' and you'll no doubt get consistent answers - albeit ones that revolve around MRSA, underpaid nurses, filthy hospital bedding and good old fashioned drunken fistfights in Saturday night A&E. For our American chums, though, things may seem a bit more difficult. Health… read more…
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Cesspool on the Potomac

Senator Clinton (D-Belfast)

Even 231 years after callously throwing the King overboard, the colonies still can't seem to let go of Britain — we've even become an issue in their Presidential campaign. This time, participants in the Northern Ireland peace process are being called upon to confirm or refute Hillary Clinton's attempt to… read more…
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Cesspool on the Potomac

Oba-meter: February 26th

With the Republican nomination sewn up by John McCain, Westmonster moves its focus to the Democratic competition. We've outlined the 4 things Barack Obama needs to do in order to beat Hillary Clinton — sweep February's post-Super Tuesday contests, make no gaffes, win Ohio or Texas on March 4th, and… read more…
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Ministry for the Margin of Error

Hillary's glass ceiling

Today's Rasmussen Reports US Presidential Tracking Poll contains a nugget of information that shows why Hillary Clinton might very well be screwed, even if she somehow amazingly comes back to defeat Obama for the nomination: "Nationwide, Obama is viewed favorably by 55% and unfavorably by 42%. McCain’s numbers 51% favorable,… read more…
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Cesspool on the Potomac

Oba-meter: February 20th

With the Republican nomination sewn up by John McCain, Westmonster moves its focus to the Democratic competition. We've outlined the 4 things Barack Obama needs to do in order to beat Hillary Clinton — sweep February's post-Super Tuesday contests, make no gaffes, win Ohio or Texas on March 4th, and… read more…
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Cesspool on the Potomac

The Next! Biggest! Primary! (Not.)

One could almost smell the quiet in the US presidential campaign at the weekend, as bad weather put the brakes on campaigning in America's Dairyland state of Wisconsin. Polls put Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton within 5 points in this state that could either (a) cement Obama's frontrunner status heading… read more…
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Cesspool on the Potomac

Oba-meter: February 15th

With the Republican nomination sewn up by John McCain, Westmonster moves its focus to the Democratic competition. We've outlined the 4 things Barack Obama needs to do in order to beat Hillary Clinton — sweep February's remaining contests, make no gaffes, win Ohio or Texas on March 4th, and make… read more…
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