Westmonster: “Guido Fawkes”

Good Vibrations Dept.

You say visit, I say visitor

Stats! Stats! No, bear with us, this might be important.... There's been a right old bunfight over the claimed stats of Iain Dale and Guido Fawkes this morning. Leading the charge: well-informed obsessive Tim Ireland. He's jumped on a screengrab Iain Dale's put up of his Google Analytics stats (available… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 3 Apr 2008 9:39 AM.  There are 4 comments so far. 
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Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Guido a Conservative? Gosh!

Hey, did you know Guido Fawkes favoured the right over the left? Gosh, neither did we. Amazing, isn't it? It certainly seems to have surprised the Telegraph's Three Line Whip. Although we didn't realise it was quite as blatant as this, which appeared in the footer of an email the… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 25 Jan 2008 12:04 PM.  
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Ministry for Blithering Idiots

The Dale Primary

Westmonster is almost flush with regret over this post, in which we spoke out on behalf of the British blogosphere bloviating on the U.S. presidential election in the face of Guido's criticism. Case in point: Iain Dale has opened a comment thread asking readers to predict the outcome of tonight's… read more…
Written by Andrew Levy on 9 Jan 2008 12:23 AM.  
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Ministry for Local Policies for Local People

Guido: "British Posts for British Pundits"

With an air of righteous indignation, Guido informs us he's sticking to coverage of Westminster, and would be rather satisfied if the rest of the UK blogosphere did too: Does the British Commentariat really know what it is talking about? They seem awfully ready to provide analysis of the local… read more…
Written by Andrew Levy on 7 Jan 2008 1:26 PM.  There are 1 comments so far. 
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Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Wee Dougie says "NO!" to Question Time. Apparently.

The talk on the blogs is all about Douglas Alexander apparently "bottling" Question Time tonight for "family reasons," to the amusement of Iain Dale and Guido Fawkes. Personally, Westmonster thinks they're too harsh on Mr Alexander; if she had to stay sober on a Thursday night in order to address… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 6 Dec 2007 9:31 AM.  
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Our Friends North of the Border

Wendy Alexander fingered

The Telegraph is reporting that they have proof that Wendy Alexander, the leader of the Scottish Labour Party, was more than aware of the illegal donation from Paul Green in spite of her protestations that she only found out about the personal contribution to her campaign yesterday. Green, a tax exile, is… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 30 Nov 2007 4:33 PM.  
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While You Were Sleeping

Watt's the Story, Morning Glory

Of course the resignation (submitted by or done to, scratch one according to theory) of Labour's General Secretary Peter Watt over a donation scandal of Enron-style complexity is the main story this morning. From the comrades, Chris Paul thinks it regrettable but inevitable that he should go, Guido of… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 27 Nov 2007 9:57 AM.  
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Points, In Order

Icebergs and revolutions

BONG! Are the Eyebrows heading for a Northern Rock-shaped iceberg? Alistair Darling defended his role in the bank's ongoing ishoos, as "suitors" (as they are rather quaintly called) line up to shaft vigorously make their arguments for the fair lady's hand. BONG! Still, as Guido reported yesterday, it's not bad… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 19 Nov 2007 5:38 PM.  
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Ministry for Things We'd Like To Know

Henry Porter: the bicycles need you!

So, we confess that we've been getting a little obsessed with the story of the bloke who was hauled up before the beak for being caught making sweet, sweet love to his bicycle - what can we say? The midlife crisis is a terrible thing. Nonetheless, there are things that Westmonster… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 16 Nov 2007 9:10 AM.  There are 3 comments so far. 
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Points, In Order

Events, dear boy, events: they CAN be an arse

BONG! An article in the Financial Times - originally flagged up by Ben Brogan - has been flying around the blogosphere. To say it won't make comfortable reading in the Brown Bunker is putting it mildly. BONG! It's not been a good day to be the Gord. Just when you… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 14 Nov 2007 5:50 PM.  
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While You Were Sleeping

Trouble up t'Home Office

Poor Jacqui Smith's getting a bit of a drubbing in the papers this morning over the latest immigration scandal to hit the Home Office. The Telegraph takes her to task for failing to station pitchfork-wielding mobs on the white cliffs of Dover, the Independent takes a broad look at… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 14 Nov 2007 8:15 AM.  
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Points, In Order

The end of cold turkey

BONG! A bird flu outbreak has been identified on the Norfolk-Suffolk border and, as we speak, half the hacks in London are decamping to the shires in order to hunt out errant poultry, interview the local populace about who in DEFRA should resign (correct answer: all of them), and speculate on… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 12 Nov 2007 6:11 PM.  
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While You Were Sleeping

Kings Dangling and Lords A-Leaping

The Spectator on how Lord Malloch-Brown is spending taxpayers' money on those chunky chocolate chip cookies that are about two quid for five, rather than the Tesco's own-brand rich tea. For shame! The Times reports a double-whammy perpetrated on Jacqui Smith yesterday: mauled by Basher Davis in the Justice… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 8 Nov 2007 8:45 AM.  There are 1 comments so far. 
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Points, In Order

Rubbish and Her Maj's mysterious illness

BONG! Ken weighs in on the pay-as-you-go rubbish policy and is all, "it's rubbish!" BONG! Queen's Speech tomorrow folks, and the Guardian has this summary of expected announcements. BONG! On the subject of Her Maj, the Telegraph (who else?) has another of their cracking headlines: "Windsor Foot and Mouth relief… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 5 Nov 2007 6:01 PM.  
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Ministry for Things We'd Like To Know

Remember, remember ... Local Gov't Guidance 23423/C

Quiet isn't it? In the early stages of the noughties, venturing in the direction of Tesco to pick up a bottle of sweet sherry after dark at this time of year was like going shopping in Basra. Fireworks would explode either side as you ran the gauntlet of lit gunpowder,… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 5 Nov 2007 11:36 AM.  
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Points, In Order

Back to the Future: Blair to go?

BONG! The Metropolitan Police have been found guilty over the shooting of Jean Charles de Menezes in July 2005. As appalling as the entire tragedy was, Westmonster nevertheless felt a twinge of nostalgia at a subject line in an email from Gallery News: "I won't resign, says Blair." Oh, and more than… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 1 Nov 2007 6:08 PM.  
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News from the Carlton Club

The election that wasn't (part the XIV)

According to the Tories, today could have been the day that they went back to their constituencies and prepared for Government. Heh. Regardless of the fact that bad as the polling was for Labour, Satan would have been making snowballs in hell before the Conservatives could have returned an overall majority,… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 1 Nov 2007 11:30 AM.  
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News from the Carlton Club

Denial: not a river in Egypt

Guido's got the image of the Tory attack poster which is all, "we WANTED an election, but the Gord chickened out like a wuss. We were well up for it, though, the lousy bottler." Given that the Conservatives were the last people who actually wanted an election when it was… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 31 Oct 2007 9:30 AM.  
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Points, In Order

An Audience with Arnie

BONG! Partly because (a) it's a novel approach to the age-old problem of how a politician deals with (alleged) former drug misuse but; (b) mainly because no website can have too many pictures of Arnie, this is well worth a look. BONG! Still not enough Arnie in your life? Try this: Arnie… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 29 Oct 2007 6:25 PM.  There are 2 comments so far. 
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That Was The Week That Was

Things can only get better (they can't get much worse)

The Gord's woes were many at the beginning of the week, and by the end they were legion. A particularly irritating leit motif for Brown was the fact that Anthony Seldon's new book on Blair hit the shelves over the weekend, so the PM's parade was further rained upon by various reminiscences of… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 27 Oct 2007 12:47 PM.  There are 1 comments so far. 
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Points, In Order

Sexport and sleaze

BONG! Guido on Lord Hoyle's dodgy little earner. All together now: Labour sleaze! Sotto voce: and the Tories don't come out of it unscathed either. BONG! Stop the presses! As if the news that Paddy Ashdown (who's got to the stage that all politicians reach eventually: he's started believing his own… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 26 Oct 2007 6:26 PM.  
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Points, In Order

Good evening, officer

BONG! In his evidence to the Public Accounts Committee, Yates of the Yard explains he was a "political problem" for Downing Street (curious, we always thought he'd be welcomed with open arms), and Guido gets excited as his Pledge Bank coffers swell. BONG! American men! Do you not do The Sex… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 23 Oct 2007 5:13 PM.  
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Points, In Order

Bottlers, Bottles, Balls & BoJo

BONG! According to Anthony Seldon's new biography of Brown, Ed Balls is responsible for coining the phrase "bottler" with regard to the Gord. BONG! Andrew Rawnsley speaks up for the worst job in politics: namely being the leader of the LibDems or aspiring to the position. "So bitterly frustrating is… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 21 Oct 2007 7:35 PM.  
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Ministry for Madness

The Red Army strikes again

An anonymous comment on Guido's "Celebrate Everybody Getting Fired at the Beeb" thread: Erm, If the BBC isn't pro Labour, why is its colour such a fetching red? one that matches 99% (acording to the pantone system at least) Labout red? Its either an AMAZING coincidence or the most clever subliminal… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 19 Oct 2007 9:31 AM.  
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Points, In Order

Play nicely, boys

BONG! Dizzy reports that Lord Malloch-Brown has been given first dibs on the accommodation train set. BONG! And the prize for the most evocative phrase of the day goes to Mr Eugenides for this post on the recent "obesity is society's fault" stylings of Alan Johnson. Mr Eugenides: "Well, wake up… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 18 Oct 2007 5:21 PM.  
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Points, In Order

And they're off!

BONG! Chris Huhne has made an early break for the leadership of the Liberal Democrats. Don't worry kids, only another two months of this excitement to go! BONG! Health Secretary Alan Johnson with good news for fatties everywhere: apparently it's not our fault! Yeah! Let's all spend our days eating… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 17 Oct 2007 5:26 PM.  
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While You Were Sleeping

Old sins have long shadows

The Times on the rivalry of the two leading candidates for the LibDem crown. Apparently Chris Huhne and Nicky Clegg were best buds until Chucky K. stepped down in 2005 and the United Federation of Young Turks agreed that nobody would stand against Ming, giving him a clear run.… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 17 Oct 2007 7:23 AM.  
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Points, In Order

High drama and whipping in Westminster

BONG! Much drama on the European Scrutiny Committee, according to Ben Brogan. BONG! Ministry of Truth takes apart the altruism of Lord Ashcroft. BONG! Whilst we at Westmonster applaud the enterprising approach of Liberal Democrat Voice in getting people signed up to the party in order that they can vote… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 16 Oct 2007 5:34 PM.  There are 2 comments so far. 
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Points, In Order

Friday Night Fever

BONG! David Cameron is in discussions with Arnie about being an extra in his his next film, Conan the Barbarian XIV: Hug The Huskies. BONG! At the end of a bad week for Brown, Guido imagines the scene chez Blair. BONG! ConservativeHome on how Lord Ashcroft is like a one-man trade… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 12 Oct 2007 5:55 PM.  
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News from the United Federation of Muesli Knitters

The Quiet Man (II) in deadly peril

The Get Ming campaign gathers pace with the blogosphere and the mainstream media feeding off each other's words like Pavarotti in a pasta factory. Guido and Iain Dale both carry stories about Simon Hughes putting the knife in, but Westmonster cannot help but think that his words fail to provide… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 12 Oct 2007 3:18 PM.  
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News from the United Federation of Muesli Knitters

LibDems: the phoney war begins

After yesterday's excitement with Gord going all "grrrrr! Smash!" on Cameron's ass and the consequent Bear Metaphor Massacre in the broadsheets, it looks like the ladies and gentlemen of the fourth estate have feasted well and are now looking for dessert elsewhere. Whilst Ming Campbell might not look like a… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 11 Oct 2007 3:05 PM.  
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Points, In Order

I wanna live like common people

BONG! Outrage turns to hilarity amongst staff over Queuegate, with MPs falling over themselves to demonstrate that they are prepared to get down and dirty with the unwashed masses. So far - according to Westmonster's lovely assistant - there have been no less than 16 (update: check that, now 17) Members of… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 10 Oct 2007 6:00 PM.  
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While You Were Sleeping

Half-time in the House: everything to play for

Don't listen to the Government's advice; it'll give you cancer, warns the Independent. In spite of the angry, nasal squealing inflicted on the Chamber by the Boy George yesterday, Peter Riddell reckons that the Eyebrow has played a blinder in knackering the Tories' advantage. Tory blogosphere: hang your head… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 10 Oct 2007 7:29 AM.  
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Points, In Order

Projection and objection in the House

BONG! Guido reports that former New Labour darling, Oona King, is to join the Big Tent. Even more psychologically fascinating than this decision is a comment left on Guido's post which starts "why don't you f*ck off and stick your greasy tongue back up Gay Gordon's rancid arsehole instead of posting shite… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 9 Oct 2007 6:00 PM.  
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Points, In Order

When Pundits Get The Arse IX

BONG! Anyone else enjoying the sight of Adam Boulton stamping his feet, sulking, and refusing to come down for his tea over the fact that the Beeb got the exclusive interview with Brown? He's flounced around all day without losing steam. Aw bless, he'll sleep well tonight! BONG! Much harrumphing… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 7 Oct 2007 4:13 PM.  
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While You Were Sleeping

We're the Tories. Perhaps you've heard of us.

Well folks, the Guardian/ICM poll is out, and it shows that the Tories and Labour are neck and neck at 38%. Cameron's ratings are the best they've been since March. Ruh-roh! Excellent analysis, as always, from the UK Polling Report. Alistair Darling on the predicted economic downturn: "this town, is… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 5 Oct 2007 7:44 AM.  
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While You Were Sleeping

Sex and insider gossip - Tory style

Alice Miles in the Times gives a resounding bitchslap to the Tories' plans to "boost marriage." For herself, Westmonster has always been somewhat perplexed that the Conservatives seem to genuinely believe that there are those who - halfway through The Sex - will stop to give serious consideration to… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 3 Oct 2007 7:44 AM.  
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Points, In Order

Shape making and flagellation

BONG! Shadow Treasury spokesperson Philip Hammond has queried whether the public are ready to trust the Tories on the economy and public services. We at Westmonster, however, trust that he'll probably be drinking alone tonight. BONG! The Gord is more popular than Cameron amongst women, according to the Fawcett Society.… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 2 Oct 2007 5:19 PM.  There are 1 comments so far. 
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While You Were Sleeping

Hasta la vista, baby

Arnold Schwarzenegger disappointed Conservatives a few months ago when he announced that he couldn't address their Conference in person because he didn't want to be tarred by association with a crappy brand was washing his hair. Nevertheless, he managed to chat to the Tories via video link yesterday, and… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 2 Oct 2007 7:10 AM.  
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Points, In Order

Murder on the Dancefloor

BONG! The Spectator Coffeehouse reports that Cameron's crowbarring in the big names - Bojo and Hezza so far - as quickly as possible into the Colosseum. The plan is to entertain the crowd as much as possible in order that its collective mind is diverted away from thoughts of bloody assassination.… read more…
Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 30 Sep 2007 5:35 PM.  
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Don't Look Ethel!

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