Our American Cousins

NY Times: Tories' "Conservative Revival"

Upper-case 'C' Conservatives in Britain know all too well what it feels like to need a revival — 'twas only a short eight months ago that Labour looked ready to re-up for another five years of fun. But now all that's changed, and beaten-down American lower-case 'c' conservatives are… read more…

Written by Andrew Levy on 9 May 2008 6:56 AM. There are 0 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Scripted One Liners

Punch and Judy round 2

Gordon Brown and David Cameron impugned each other's integrity during a heated debated at Prime Minister's Question time this afternoon. Mr Cameron accused Mr Brown of being more concerned with his celebrity buddies than his political responsibilities, stating that the Prime Minister did nothing all day but sit around 10… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 7 May 2008 4:26 PM. There are 0 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Anglophilia

David Cameron held up by trains..

Being English isn't easy. Occasionally it feels like we're nothing more than a nation of idiots being told what to do by morons who get their orders from absolute perverts. It's quite a painful experience. To top that off, there's the bad weather, the yobs yelling at each other outside… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 7 May 2008 8:42 AM. There are 0 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Change

David Cameron is pleased with himself...

This time last week Westmonster claimed that the times were a-changin' and it appears that we're not the only ones who think so: After the mauling that his party inflicted on Labour yesterday David Cameron has stated in his usual buttery tones that the results stand as a 'big moment'… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 2 May 2008 12:53 PM. There are 0 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Phat Beats

All you other David Camerons are just imitating

David Cameron has admitted that, despite wanting to, he has been unable to avoid the 'Punch and Judy' style of debating that reigns supreme within Parliament; because a 'quieter tone' was ineffective when dealing with Gordon Brown. The admission comes as a disappointment for many Cameron followers, especially after they… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 29 Apr 2008 12:16 PM. There are 3 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Chinese Proverbs

David Cameron and the curse of the masturbating monkeys..

In a pure moment of edification and spiritual insight, an old Chinese Master once looked upon the setting sun and said with profound awareness: Once a monkey starts masturbating it cannot stop. It was a wise and sagacious metaphor for the nature of human actions, something that has no… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 25 Apr 2008 5:52 PM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

All change please

Tories sneer at Brown's climb-down

The Conservatives are having a field day - and probably a field fortnight, with a couple of field bank holidays slotted in - with the Prime Minister right now. Following the debacle of the 10p tax rate issue - which would hit 5 million plus low-paid workers - PM… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 24 Apr 2008 12:16 AM. Permalink

Department for Waiting Lists

Tories: 'only we can save your doctors'

In this hyper-exaggerated modern age, services and functions invariably have to get bigger, brighter and slicker. Hence why customers are deserting corner shops in favour of chain supermarkets, multi-level nightclubs generally attract more people on a Saturday night than the Dog And Duck, and Heathrow Terminal 5 turned out… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 20 Apr 2008 9:59 PM. Permalink

Ministry of Divine Intervention

David Cameron denies taming Bojo..

Conservative Leader David Cameron has had to deny claims that he has been forced to 'tame' Boris Johnson, his party's candiadate in the race to become the next Major of London. On a BBC Radio 5 broadcast this morning he stated that attempting to tame a specimen such as Johnson… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 15 Apr 2008 4:07 PM. Permalink

Department for Tax and Spend

MP's allowances? Come take a look

No-one likes having their dirty laundry aired in public. Infact, no-one likes having their laundry aired in public full stop, be it clean or otherwise. Try telling the national press that those Dangermouse underpants were simply an 'ironic' gift from a girlfriend. Go on. We dare you. Some people,… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 4 Apr 2008 12:29 AM. Permalink

Cesspool on the Potomac: Thames Edition

David Cameron Supports Boris Johnson; No-one Surprised

Tory leader David Cameron has put his full backing behind prospective London mayor Boris Johnson, referring to the bumbling Biggles fan as ''exactly the kind of leader the capital needs''. Elaborating on things, D-Cam turned up to Boris's Edmonton campaign launch and reeled off more of his tribute: "I don't… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 31 Mar 2008 11:22 PM. Permalink

Department for Tax and Spend

David Cameron To Make Econony 'Dynamic'

When Westmonster heard that Tory leader David Cameron had plans to make the economy 'dynamic', we felt a little shiver run down our spine. 'Dynamic'? What does that mean exactly? Is this some attempt to make the world of finance more exciting to that all-important yoof market, an idea roughly… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 30 Mar 2008 10:31 PM. Permalink

News from the Carlton Club

Cameron lost in the post

Well, we thought post offices were important, but David Cameron obviously didn't: After all, if it had really mattered, David Cameron would have turned up to vote along with - by my count - 10 other Tories who were somehow absent from their own show. If they had, the PM's… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 20 Mar 2008 10:45 AM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Morning media zoo

A round-up of the barking, the pompous and the out-of-date. - Andrew Gimson says El Gordo is turning into El Neville - Simon Hoggart can't resist making the same reference - Waste-of-space Sunder Katwala reckons he's convinced El Gordo to have an Iraq inquiry. Riiiiight. - Government missing carbon targets,… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 18 Mar 2008 8:07 AM. Permalink

Department for Tax and Spend

Ahead in the polls, behind in ideas

After a bumper weekend of massive poll leads and oblique policy statements, David Cameron is to show just how little work has really gone into Tory tax planning by dusting off the 2005 David James review of public spending: David Cameron is to salvage a Tory plan to cut government… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 17 Mar 2008 8:23 AM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

News from the Carlton Club

Spotlight on Cameron

Spotlight onto Cammers this morning. Firstly, Philip Hammond, his Shadow Chief Secretary, begs some questions in his pre-Budget briefing, according to Fraser Nelon: First, non doms. Hammond asks us to believe that the Tory non-dom tax would scare away fewer millionaires than Labour’s policy. But the Tory figures claim they’d… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 11 Mar 2008 8:02 AM. Permalink

All change please

Tussauds hearts Davey

As if things weren't bad enough, now Madame Tussauds is to snub Gordon Brown: Ben Lovett, a spokesman for the tourist attraction, said: "We have decided not to create a wax figure of Gordon Brown at this interim stage. He may not be in the job for much longer. We… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 10 Mar 2008 3:18 PM. Permalink

Cammers showing a split

Those clever chaps at Revolts.co.uk have pointed out something interesting from last night's EuroDisco. Nick Clegg wasn't the only young man with some stroppy kids to deal with: As everyone examined the damage done to Nick Clegg's leadership by the largest Lib Dem rebellion in six years, the Commons also… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 6 Mar 2008 10:56 AM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Nelson's unlikely column

Most of the time, it's impossible to dislike Fraser Nelson. So this morning, we're a little worried about him, because he's clearly gone mad. He's arguing that David Cameron is like Barack Obama: Consider the Obama-esque language. Obama’s slogan is “bringing about real change in Washington”. Not just change the… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 3 Mar 2008 8:18 AM. Permalink

The Funding Scrolls

Cameron and Clegg: naughty boys

Time for the two opposition leaders to get slapped wrists from the Electoral Commission. Nick Clegg didn't declare 14 grand in cash donations in time (including some from, intriguingly, Ian Wright. Not that Ian Wright, surely?). And David Cameron, aka Caesar's wife, was late to declare a non-cash gift from… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 29 Feb 2008 4:43 PM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Tories to cut tax. No, wait...

Westmonster is confused. Not 3 weeks ago, the Telegraph headline read "Tories look to tax cuts to help economy." Yet today, in a piece about the Conservatives' plan to raise spending on the NHS at the expense of other services, the Telegraph seems to be saying rather the opposite: "It… read more…

Written by Andrew Levy on 28 Feb 2008 8:32 AM. Permalink

News from the Carlton Club

Heffer: Tories 'stupid party'

Simon Heffer's sure in a huff. In today's Telegraph, Heffer points the finger squarely at David Cameron and George Osborne for failing to bury Labour in light of Northern Rock, and months of "sleaze, failure, and prevarication" from the government: "Being an opposition is not just about pointing the finger.… read more…

Written by Andrew Levy on 20 Feb 2008 9:47 AM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Pissing In The Wind

Tories cynical on Rock

Memo to Dave, George, and friends: when you've made considerable hay out of tarring the government with the brush of transparent political cynicism, it's a good idea to steer clear yourselves of transparently cynical political grandstanding. Oops! Too late. Tempted though Alistair Darling may have been to rise to the… read more…

Written by Andrew Levy on 18 Feb 2008 1:05 PM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Now, that's entertainment

Anne McElvoy in the Speccie today argues that we are about to be governed by, wait for it, The Jam Generation: What do David Cameron, David Miliband, Nick Clegg, Yvette Cooper, Michael Gove and (just about) George Osborne have in common? They are part of the Jam Generation: a powerful… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 15 Feb 2008 8:30 AM. Permalink

News from the Carlton Club

Cameron Spending Watch

The shift on Tory thinking on matching Labour spending continues apace in half-term. Today, the Daily Mail are reporting that any pledge to match spending would be very short-term: David Cameron is to signal that the Tories are making no long-term pledge to match Labour's spending commitments. Senior sources insisted… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 12 Feb 2008 8:44 AM. Permalink

News from the United Federation of Muesli Knitters

Should Nicky take on Dave?

You've got to love the Lib Dem faithful — only they could dub Dave Cameron's Europe policy "bore for Britain" and fail to see the irony. That said, James Graham makes an interesting point about the opportunity facing Nick Clegg as he heads into the latter half of his first… read more…

Written by Andrew Levy on 11 Feb 2008 2:30 PM. Permalink

News from the Carlton Club

Cameron readying the knife?

Andrew Pierce and Toby Helm are obviously helping out with Tory mood music this morning, with a story that Cammers and Boy George are preparing a rethink on spending: David Cameron is prepared to drop his pledge to match Labour's spending increases after the next election to pave the way… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 11 Feb 2008 8:46 AM. Permalink

Department for Tax and Spend

It's about tax, David

While Cammers messes about with park rangers and mothering help, the Centre for Policy Studies - founded, lest we forget, by Margaret Thatcher and Keith Joseph - gets to the heart of the matter with its report on British household disposable income, and how it's being squeezed by taxation and… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 4 Feb 2008 8:31 AM. Permalink

Department for Diffrunt People

No cribbing, Mr Cameron

Call us cynical (actually, call us love gods, but cynical love gods), but isn't it a little odd that Cammers gives an interview to the Sun this morning recommending more stop-and-search powers, on the day that Jacqui Smith is likely to do the same, and a day after Ronnie Flanagan… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 30 Jan 2008 10:48 AM. Permalink

Department of Doublespeak

You say sleazy, I say sleazy

The blue-bloods are up in arms! Tim Montgomerie's blue-and-blue army at ConservativeHome are enraged by the failure to kick Derek Conway out of the Commons and remove the whip, and their fury is only going to be enriched by the revelation that Conway may have given another 32 grand to… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 29 Jan 2008 8:43 AM. Permalink

News From The Big Tent

Weirdos in government

Remember all the John Redwood Vulcan gags back in the mid-1990s? They accompanied the last days of John Major's administration, and they represented a moment when the British press finally lost its last vestiges of respect for the governing fraternity, egged on by a strengthening Opposition that saw a useful… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 25 Jan 2008 8:28 AM. Permalink

Ministry for making Alistair Campbell roll his eyes

Welcome to Fat Fighters™

Sigh. We at Westmonster are growing weary of writing stories about the political tone-deafness of this government. Whilst the Tories take control of the political agenda, sound ever more sensible by the day, and feature a leader who's making transparent appeals to specific (and powerful) voting constituencies, Gordon Brown's government… read more…

Written by Andrew Levy on 24 Jan 2008 9:57 AM. Permalink

Department for David Beckham Studies

Gove's sharp elbows

Good post by the Indy's John Rentoul on Cameron's interview in the Times this morning, when he seemed to condone such middle class sharp practice as pretending you're a God-botherer in order to get Jemima and Sebastian into a decent church-run state school. Cameron said this: “I think it’s good… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 23 Jan 2008 3:27 PM. Permalink

All change please

Cameron nearing 1992 levels?

Polls are la-la and mood music in the papers is pointless. When we want to know which way political sentiment is running, we turn to Mike Smithson's Political Betting, and today he's got a doozy. He reckons the predicted number of Tory seats in an election, according to Sporting Index,… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 23 Jan 2008 10:36 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Wink, Wink, Nudge, Nudge

Vaizey: Just happy to see you

Westmonster doesn't mind hitting below the belt, as it were, especially when the subject makes it so easy. We have to say we got excited, very excited — so excited — when news came over the wire that Cameron buddy Ed Vaizey popped an "herbal" Viagra substitute with Matthew Wright… read more…

Written by Andrew Levy on 23 Jan 2008 9:52 AM. Permalink

Department for Expanding the British Museum

What would Dave do?

Reading through the Hansard transcript of last night's EU Treaty debate on TheyWorkForYou, a few things become clear. Firstly, the boy Miliband did a good job, on paper, of laying out what the Treaty is for and why it's different to the constitution. He even admitted (after nudging by Ken… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 22 Jan 2008 9:23 AM. There are 2 comments so far. Permalink

Department for Tax and Spend

ConHome offers George bad advice

ConservativeHome, as part of its Agenda 2008 programme, has called on the Shadow Chancellor not to renew the opposition's pledge to match the government's spending proposals through 2010/2011. They write: Last September George Osborne signed up to Labour's spending plans until 2010/11. That decision is unpopular amongst Tory members. Our… read more…

Written by Andrew Levy on 14 Jan 2008 2:50 PM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Grandstanding

Balls to Davy: Party like it’s 1918

Ed Balls emerges from his dungeon in today's Telegraph, challenging Cameron and the Tories to vote for increasing the school leaving age to 18 on Monday. Balls writes: "As things stand, the Tories have set themselves on a collision course to oppose the first Bill to raise the education age… read more…

Written by Andrew Levy on 11 Jan 2008 11:32 AM. There are 2 comments so far. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

More cash for Tony

Apparently peace in the Middle East is not enough of a challenge for Tony Blair. In his spare time, the Tonemeister is taking an over-£500,000 consulting job with U.S. investment bank JP Morgan. What effect the new job will have on his videotaping schedule for White House videos, Westmonster… read more…

Written by Andrew Levy on 10 Jan 2008 7:35 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Paper Waving

Little Nicky whiffs at PMQs

All eyes were on today's PMQs to see how Cleggers would perform in his first session as LibDem leader, and by Westmonster's reckoning, Nicky accomplished the admirable feat of making Ming Campbell seem exciting by comparison. Perhaps we were distracted because he followed the PM and Cameron having spittle-laced exchanges… read more…

Written by Andrew Levy on 9 Jan 2008 2:50 PM. Permalink

Westmonster: “David Cameron”