Ministry for Verdant Virtues

Bojo likes trees...

Boris Johnson has officially put an end to The Londoner, which he has described as "the Mayor's ludicrous Pyongyang-style newspaper". His office claims that the move will save an estimated £2.9m. Announced this morning, Mr Johnson said that he will use at least £1m of the saved amount to provide… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 13 May 2008 9:09 AM. There are 0 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Social Intrusion

Bojo helps extend Oyster network...

Mayor of London Boris Johnson has continued his explorations of the capital's public transportation networks by announcing a deal between Transport for London (TFL) and First Great Western that will extend the routes covered by the infamous Oyster travel card. Stations from West Drayton and Greenford into Paddington will be… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 12 May 2008 2:03 PM. There are 0 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Insobriety

Alcohol may be banned nationally...

Here at Westmonster we like alcohol. We can think of few things better than the languid conversation that it inspires, or the afternoons that we've wasted in beer gardens amongst the beer redolent spillage of our more inebriated friends and their cigarette smoke. And what about that special rummy brand… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 9 May 2008 5:22 PM. There are 0 comments so far. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Conservatives 26 points in front...

The latest Yougov poll claims that the Conservatives now have a 26 point lead. UK Polling Report. The government is set to help home owners as repossessions are set to rise. BBC. Channel 4. There are plans to start a national database of 'bad employees' which can be accessed nationally… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 9 May 2008 7:44 AM. There are 0 comments so far. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Bojo to unveil booze ban...

Boris Johnson is to unveil a ban of alcohol on public transportation. Channel 4. It was revealed that a third of British employees have turned up to work with a hangover. BBC. Ed Balls is seeking to help dyslexic pupils by providing them with one-to-one lessons. The Guardian. The Lib… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 7 May 2008 7:46 AM. There are 0 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Acquiescence

Boris Johnson to comb his hair

Boris Johnson: Mayor of London, dabbler, raconteur, and sophisticated dresser. Westmonster isn't the first to point out the importance of the Mayoral Hairdo, but perhaps we're the first to prognosticate its rapidly becoming status as a national treasure. In our preferred vision for the future, thousands will flock to London… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 6 May 2008 11:26 AM. There are 0 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Structure and Discipline

Bojo begins with boot camp

In one of his first move as the new Mayor of London, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson (Bojo to you) has avowed to tackle that irritating trend among the youth of London to kill one another. His methods for doing so combine a virile cocktail of volunteer-run youth clubs, old… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 6 May 2008 9:47 AM. There are 0 comments so far. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Gordon Brown feels your pain...

Gordon Brown feels your pain. The Guardian. New York's mayor, Michael Bloomberg, is to visit Boris Johnson on Friday to give him some mayoral advice. The Guardian. Tony Blair has paid £4m for the former home of the actor Sir John Gielgud. The Guardian. The government has plans to open… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 5 May 2008 7:55 AM. There are 0 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Reverence

All hail the mighty Bojo: election results in

Well Boys and Girls, it's official: London town is not the town it was just yesterday. News just in from Union Futures has shown that the virtues of Capitalism have once again vanquished the evils of Communism as Boris Johnson has officially managed to snatch the role of London Mayor… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 2 May 2008 11:41 PM. There are 0 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Bets Being Off

All signs point to Bojo..

Both Politicalbetting.com and the one of the FT blogs have reported that Paddypower, the Irish Book Makers, has already started paying out on Boris Johnson winning the Mayoral Election - despite the fact that votes haven't been officially counted yet. [This would be a good place to stick one of… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 2 May 2008 2:34 PM. There are 0 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Change

David Cameron is pleased with himself...

This time last week Westmonster claimed that the times were a-changin' and it appears that we're not the only ones who think so: After the mauling that his party inflicted on Labour yesterday David Cameron has stated in his usual buttery tones that the results stand as a 'big moment'… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 2 May 2008 12:53 PM. There are 0 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Complimentary Beverages

Gordon Brown votes in elections..

All reports show that Gordon Brown rose bright and early this morning in order to cast his votes for the both the local and mayoral elections. We're assuming that he ticked the boxes marked 'Labour', but there's always a chance that he confused himself again and scribbled his X next… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 1 May 2008 12:53 PM. There are 0 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Cheapshots

Paddick's new campaign videos rattle some cages...

Days before the Mayoral Election and Brian Paddick has being causing a bit of a stir with a series of American style 'attack ads' aimed at his opponents. These two videos, which were originally posted over at the Lib Dem Voice blog, show Paddick's campaign taking a slightly smutty turn… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 30 Apr 2008 2:57 PM. There are 0 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Dunking

Tea and biscuits with Bojo...

As the build-up to tomorrow's London Mayoral Election campaigning reaches its coda candidates are doing everything that they can in the last minute dash to the finish line. Of course, in his usual pollyannaish manner, it is Boris Johnson that has found the most novel way of motivating his team… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 30 Apr 2008 9:49 AM. There are 0 comments so far. Permalink

All change please

Kate Hoey: media roundup

Controversy-a-go-go as we get closer to the London Mayoral Election: former sports minister Kate Hoey has accepted a post as 'part of Boris Johnson's team' should the bumbling Tory pip Ken to the post. Bizarrely she is claiming the move doesn't compromise her status as a Labour MP, and… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 29 Apr 2008 11:16 PM. There are 0 comments so far. Permalink

Cesspool on the Potomac: Thames Edition

London Elections: empty register?

Hey. Do you live in London? Are you aged between 25-34? Are you registered to vote? Chances are that - among that particular target bracket - 27% percent of you will have either shaken your head miserably or yelled 'voting? I don't need to do that! What have those… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 29 Apr 2008 10:42 PM. There are 0 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Bleak Outlooks

Numbers: the times they are a-changin'

It's been a busy day for political numbers: Over at The Guardian they have a report on the latest opinion poll statistics concerning the London Mayoral Election. Surprisingly for some, perhaps most of all Ken Livingstone, they show that London's favourite anarchist has managed to overtake Boris Johnson and creep… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 25 Apr 2008 6:25 PM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Smiling on The Inside

Research suggests conservatives are happier than liberals

The Freakanomics blog has an interesting article today which claims that Conservatives are generally happier than Liberals. Although the research is based on samples from the American population, Westmonster couldn't help but wonder whether or not the same could be said of the English... Despite research suggesting that Conservatives… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 24 Apr 2008 3:18 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Old Friends

New Livingstone, New Danger?

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water, The Guardian today reveals that Ken Livingstone has been receiving campaign advice from none other than ex-pm Tony Blair and his spin doctor friend Alastair Campbell. The move comes at a time when we were secretly hoping… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 24 Apr 2008 1:41 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Dance Moves

Boris proposes to save London through music and drama

In a poignant speech made yesterday Boris Johnson showcased his vision for a better London and told of a secret dream that he harbours regarding the transformative powers of art. It was a dream for the future. A dream to inspire. Something so culturally mind-blowing that, generations from now, our… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 22 Apr 2008 10:51 AM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Incubation

Ken pledges to expand culture..

Perhaps riding on the confidence boost provided by the weekend's revelation that he was finally beating contender Boris Johson in the polls (45% against 44%), Ken Livingstone today launched into his manifesto for the upcoming election with a joie de vivre that has been seldom seen over the past few… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 21 Apr 2008 2:48 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Fair Play

Personality goes a long way..

It has to be said that a lot of people are getting worried about Boris Johnson. Ken Livingstone seems to be in a constant state of disappointment and anxiety these days, the left-wing media keeps flapping its wings in panic, and even that bug up Brian Paddick's boring ass… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 21 Apr 2008 11:33 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Last Chance Saloons

Red Ken wants another chance..

Ken Livingstone has taken an opportunity to inform readers of The Guardian why they should vote for him in the upcoming London Mayoral Election. As the first of the main candidates invited to use the paper as a forum, he writes a brief outline of his policies in comparison to… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 18 Apr 2008 10:16 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Blithering Idiots

Boris Johnson: "down with the ethnics"

If mayoral candidate Boris Johnson had a theme tune, what would it be? We haven't actually got an answer, by the way. Well, we were going to list a series of popular songs that dealt with the themes of embarrassment and stupidity, but that meant all kinds of pesky… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 18 Apr 2008 12:30 AM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Mass Appeal

Bojo is the lighter at the end of the tunnel...

Smokers who are still finding life difficult after last year's smoking ban came to effect may have finally been offered a lighter at the end of the tunnel. But only if they live in London. Yesterday, Boris "The Deliverer" Johnson, Conservative hopeful for the May 1st mayoral election, came trotting… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 17 Apr 2008 11:18 AM. Permalink

Ministry of Divine Intervention

David Cameron denies taming Bojo..

Conservative Leader David Cameron has had to deny claims that he has been forced to 'tame' Boris Johnson, his party's candiadate in the race to become the next Major of London. On a BBC Radio 5 broadcast this morning he stated that attempting to tame a specimen such as Johnson… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 15 Apr 2008 4:07 PM. Permalink

Ministry of Cultural Hyperbole

Brown joins cast of Livingstone's List

Lucky Ken Livingstone has upped the stakes and added no less than hip and happening Gordon Brown to his VIP celebrity guest list. As reported on Ian Dale's Diary yesterday, Mr Livingstone has released an honour roll of celebrity supporters that reads like a who's who of C-list dregs and… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 15 Apr 2008 12:00 PM. Permalink

MINISTRY FOR DULL INVESTIGATION

Ken catches up but Bojo has more friends...

After looking at the latest batch of opinion polls, supporters of Ken Livingstone to win the London Mayoral Election are shaking in their sandals a little less than they were a few weeks ago. According to figures, discovered in a YouGov survey for the Evening Standard, Livingstone is gaining on… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 14 Apr 2008 4:52 PM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Tories still don't like Gordon Brown...

The Tories have blamed the country's current economic problems on Gordon Brown (naturally). BBC. E-Politix. Alistair Darling asks banks to go easy on mortgage costs. The Guardian. The Chancellor also has plans to visit China with some of his banker friends. The Wall Street Journal. George Bush and The Pope… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 14 Apr 2008 7:32 AM. Permalink

Ministry for cheap shots

Conservatives provide new opportunities in broadcasting

Any would-be broadcasters out there may wish to know of an exciting job opportunity that is being offered over at the Conservative home website. In perhaps the most exciting development within the broadcasting industry since the invention of the radio, it appears that the call-to-arms on the page is seeking… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 11 Apr 2008 7:02 PM. Permalink

Ministry for low production values

Mayoral campaign videos online..

Boris Johnson, Ken Livingstone and Brian Paddick have all released their campaign videos on Youtube. Westmonster had a quick gander and discovered some interesting contrasts: Boris Johnson comes across as more Boris Karloff in his video. Shot in a rather sober black and white to show us the 'serious' side… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 9 Apr 2008 11:30 AM. Permalink

Cesspool on the Potomac: Thames Edition

Boris Johnson's emails hacked, says Boris Johnson

No-one was expecting a good clean fight, but the London mayoral election race between Livingstone and BoJo appears to be stepping up the filth stakes. The Boris Johnson camp is claiming that their leader has been subject to computer hacking, and that some unscrupulous soul has been having a… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 6 Apr 2008 8:43 PM. There are 3 comments so far. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Spoonfed politics: morning round-up

Mick Fealty wants the London dog to see the BoJo rabbit: Brassneck London Mayoral "on a knife-edge" - unfortunate turn of phrase from the Guardian Ken's knife-edge plan: raid the schools! This Is London Cammers likes his women to look a certain way: Telegraph El Gordo's latest mainstream election wheeze:… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 3 Apr 2008 8:23 AM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Who needs bloggers?

Westmonster's morning media round-up Subs succumb to "wounded Harman" headlines: Guardian Is Crosby keeping BoJo away from the great unwashed? Guardian PLP mutterings over abolition of 10% tax rate: Guardian NUTters are back, and this time they're talking strikes: Guardian, Times 'Er indoors causing problems for Martin: Guardian, Telegraph, Times… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 2 Apr 2008 8:34 AM. Permalink

Cesspool on the Potomac: Thames Edition

David Cameron Supports Boris Johnson; No-one Surprised

Tory leader David Cameron has put his full backing behind prospective London mayor Boris Johnson, referring to the bumbling Biggles fan as ''exactly the kind of leader the capital needs''. Elaborating on things, D-Cam turned up to Boris's Edmonton campaign launch and reeled off more of his tribute: "I don't… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 31 Mar 2008 11:22 PM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

BoJo attends Street-Porter fiasco

Janet Street-Porter, aka Britain's Most Useless Human Being, has interviewed BoJo this week, and the only good thing about it is the photo: You said in interviews that you've snorted coke. Well, that was when I was 19. It all goes to show that, sometimes, it's better not to say… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 31 Mar 2008 9:53 AM. Permalink

All change please

ConservativeHome: Boris now 12% ahead

ConservativeHome have a new YouGov survey from the Stannah showing Boris Johnson is now 12% ahead. We think they mean "12 percentage points" but you get the idea. BoJo ahead in second-preference voting, too. The suburbs are making themselves heard once more, it appears. We should also point out that… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 17 Mar 2008 11:30 AM. Permalink

All change please

Too techy for voters?

The Oystercard - one of the transport innovations that Ken is using to bash BoJo around with - has been hacked. Well, kinda sorta. A bunch of boffins in a lab have figured out a way it could be hacked, and these days that's normally enough. So will BoJo make… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 14 Mar 2008 5:21 PM. Permalink

All change please

London's new attack dog

Ken's rolling out the big guns in his fight with Boris. Well, the small Catholic guns, anyway. Here comes Ruth Kelly to stick the knife into BoJo's bus estimates: "Boris Johnson's transport policy is in tatters given this extraordinary underestimate of the cost of his bus policy by £100m a… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 14 Mar 2008 8:10 AM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Westmonster: “Boris Johnson”