Meedja on the Insanity Pills

10 reasons to jump ship...

Crime rates are expected to soar as the economy deteriorates. The Guardian. Gordon Brown and Alistair Darling have decided that England should borrow its way out of the economic crisis. The Times. Al Gore has challenged Americans to give up fossil fuels within the next ten years. BBC. Plans for… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 18 Jul 2008 8:44 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Sweeping Things Under The Rug

Alistair Darling is here to stay, says Alistair Darling

Having just read Joshua Ferris's wonderful Then We Came To The End - a novel based entirely around the looming threat of redundancy - Westmonster has taken to envisaging a world in which literally every person has to continually beg and grovel to keep their job, much like Jack… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 23 Jun 2008 11:14 PM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

No money, no problems...

Chancellor Alistair Darling has urged UK citizens to accept pay rises only if they are in line with the Government's 2% inflation target. The Guardian. As predicted, Gordon Brown's emergency oil talks in Jeddah achieved about as much as a stale fart in an elevator. BBC. The Times. Eighteen police… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 23 Jun 2008 8:00 AM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Moscow, we need to pee...

Russian astronauts were forced to call a plumber after their toilet broke down. The Guardian. Gordon Brown and Alistair Darling are to meet oil chiefs amongst fears that prices will rise even more. BBC. Ministers have overruled the military and banned the use of cluster bombs. The Guardian. It seems… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 28 May 2008 7:45 AM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

PM to make 'Queen's Speech'...

Gordon Brown is to set out a 'Queen's Speech' type run-down of his plans for the year ahead. BBC. ePolitix. Economists say that Alistair Darling's plans for dealing with the 10p tax crisis could prove costly. The Guardian. UK hospitals are still dirtier than patients would like them to be.… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 14 May 2008 7:47 AM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Darling pays off..

Banks have agreed to help lenders after yesterday's talks with Alistair Darling. The Guardian. Jacob Zuma, the leader of South Africa's governing ANC, is in town for talks with Gordon Brown. BBC. Labour's 10p tax rebels have demanded that ministers must provide up to £1bn in compensation. The Guardian. The… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 23 Apr 2008 7:42 AM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Brown bites back..

Gordon Brown has defended himself against party rebels. The Guardian. David Miliband has praised Pakistan's 'fragile' new government. BBC. The cost of the London 2012 Olympics has risen again. The Times. E-Politix. Chinese shares have become worth only half of what they were last October. BBC.… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 22 Apr 2008 7:44 AM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

UK welfare to go NYC

The UK welfare programme may be about to take some inspiration from NYC. The Guardian. If nobody has heard about it, the US economy seems to be having a few problems. BBC. Harriet Harman, Leader of The Commons, will not be investigated by police after failing to declare a monetary… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 17 Apr 2008 7:46 AM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Tories still don't like Gordon Brown...

The Tories have blamed the country's current economic problems on Gordon Brown (naturally). BBC. E-Politix. Alistair Darling asks banks to go easy on mortgage costs. The Guardian. The Chancellor also has plans to visit China with some of his banker friends. The Wall Street Journal. George Bush and The Pope… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 14 Apr 2008 7:32 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Pissing In The Wind

Tories cynical on Rock

Memo to Dave, George, and friends: when you've made considerable hay out of tarring the government with the brush of transparent political cynicism, it's a good idea to steer clear yourselves of transparently cynical political grandstanding. Oops! Too late. Tempted though Alistair Darling may have been to rise to the… read more…

Written by Andrew Levy on 18 Feb 2008 1:05 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Life on Mars

Sailors fighting in the dance hall

My name is Westmonster. I had an accident, and I woke up in 1973. Am I mad, in a coma, or back in time? Whatever's happened, it's like I've landed on a different planet. Now, maybe if I can work out the reason, I can get home. In this week's… read more…

Written by Andrew Levy on 18 Feb 2008 9:29 AM. There are 2 comments so far. Permalink

Department for Tax and Spend

Balls to the Treasury!

It's been coming for a while, but the gloves are well and truly off for Alistair Darling. The Fleet Street diaspora seems to have flat-out decided that Darling is for the chop, his performance summarised by the Torygraph: Mr Darling has presided over the first run on a high street… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 13 Feb 2008 9:01 AM. Permalink

Department for Tax and Spend

Energy smash-and-grab?

It's perhaps a little surprising that the power companies are doing their very best impression of Messrs Scrooge at the moment, given that their regulator, Ofgem, has alerted the government to the possibility of a nine billion quid windfall tax. It's complicated, but bear with us. The European carbon trading… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 21 Jan 2008 1:47 PM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

A BNP divided

The BNP appears to be riven asunder and they think that'll be the reason no one votes for them. Um no. It's the racism thing, kids. What does the wise party spokesman, Simon Derby, have to say? He denies the BNP is irrevocably split - claiming it is simply going… read more…

Written by Westmonster on 20 Dec 2007 8:24 AM. Permalink

Points, In Order

We've sent the discs to Kosovo

BONG! Darling's reassured us about data loss, saying none of the 25 trillion entries has fallen into the wrong hands. He didn't make clear how he could know that. Did he nick it himself? BONG! Britain is sending "80 policemen and judicial officials" to Kosovo. Is that the 21st century… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 17 Dec 2007 6:12 PM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Not Holding One's Breath

Save Northern Rock!

It's being bullied! By The Eyebrows! Says Chris Huhne. His fellow LibDemmer, Vince Cable, says that the bank is "bleeding to death," suggesting that he's taking this anthropomorphism thing a bit far, or else has been listening to far too much Leona Lewis. Even Cammers has got involved; unsurprisingly, he's… read more…

Written by Westmonster on 11 Dec 2007 9:54 AM. Permalink

Department for Kite Flying

Mail tries Teddygate for size

Simon Walters in the Mail is claiming that Blair Stalking Horse (TM) David Miliband tried to stop Muslim peers rescuing the teddy bear teacher from a Sudanese jail. Gist of the story is that the Foreign Office didn't want to rock the boat and argued she was getting out in… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 9 Dec 2007 11:45 AM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Department for Kite Flying

When shall we three meet again?

The Sundays are a bit of a mixed bag this morning. Obviously Diskgate continues to get commentary but seeing as everyone's getting a bit fed up with "Killer Disks Still At Large: No Change Here Folks" style headlines, perhaps it would be more interesting to look at the effect the… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 25 Nov 2007 11:04 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Things We'd Like To Know

Say "NO!" to the feel-bad factor

Okay, we got fed up of the endless pictures of Eyebrows and the Gord so we opted for a picture of these lovely ladies instead. The tenuous link? Well, if England lose the football tonight, expect the feel-bad factor (when translated in the opinon polls) to produce some most depressing… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 21 Nov 2007 6:28 PM. Permalink

Department for Expanding the British Museum

Miliband: master of the double entendre?

Heh. An otherwise unremarkable Foreign Office Questions was livened up briefly by Miliband the Younger's response to a question as to whether the FCO anticipated Musharraf would still be in power in a few weeks hence.… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 20 Nov 2007 2:24 PM. There are 4 comments so far. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Media circus ahoy: bloke resigns

An indication of how 24-hour news has enriched all our lives comes with the coverage of Alistair Darling's surprise statement in the House (scheduled for 3.30pm today) and the announcement that the chairman of Revenue and Custons - Paul Gray - has resigned over a rumoured loss of child benefit… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 20 Nov 2007 1:02 PM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Points, In Order

Icebergs and revolutions

BONG! Are the Eyebrows heading for a Northern Rock-shaped iceberg? Alistair Darling defended his role in the bank's ongoing ishoos, as "suitors" (as they are rather quaintly called) line up to shaft vigorously make their arguments for the fair lady's hand. BONG! Still, as Guido reported yesterday, it's not bad… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 19 Nov 2007 5:38 PM. Permalink

Department for Tax and Spend

On the (Northern) Rocks

Nick Robinson on Alistair Darling's Northern Rock-related predicament: "His job is on the line". So said the Tory shadow chancellor, George Osborne, with menace today. Whilst struggling to imagine quite how Boy George does "menace," the stakes (poll-wise) for the comrades are high, according to Mike Smithson.… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 19 Nov 2007 3:12 PM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Bring me the head of Gordon Brown!

The Times is getting its journalistic knickers in a twist over what appears to be some intern buggering up the personalised-to-your-area press release jobbie. What do we want? An Independent Inquiry(TM)! When do we want it? NOW! Keith Vaz MP, chair of the Home Affairs Select Committee, condemns the Government's "British… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 7 Nov 2007 8:45 AM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Resignations and turmoil

In response to the Enoch-stylings of one time PPC Nigel Hastilow, Olly's Onions suggests that the Tories take advantage of the publicity and launch a poster campaign ... Fair Deal Phil has a look at what all this says about the real impact of Dave's shiny, shiny hair on… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 5 Nov 2007 8:49 AM. There are 2 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Things We'd Like To Know

What's Hot, What's Not. This week, anyway

Okay kids, there's been a certain confusion over what the policy is on certain issues this week, so allow Westmonster to clear up any confusion. School funds clawback: This is NOT on the immediate agenda in spite of a large number of malicious rumours (probably spread by the Conservative Party, damn… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 31 Oct 2007 11:12 AM. Permalink

Our Friends North of the Border

Alex Salmond: The Garbage Man Can't?

Because political discourse can never have too many Simpsons analogies, allow Westmonster to draw her readers' attentions to this episode where Homer decides to run for the position of Sanitation Commissioner. He wins a landslide, under the slogan "Can't Someone Else Do It?" and a manifesto commitment that his garbage men will… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 27 Oct 2007 12:50 PM. Permalink

Points, In Order

Admonishments, elephant traps and kalashnikovs

BONG! Brown's "intemperate" language is the subject of much comment, along with the plight of wee Dougie, and Ian Austin getting sent to stand outside the headteacher's office and think about what he's done. Again. BONG! With the news that Parliament has to relocate temporarily (whilst someone replaces the bucket… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 24 Oct 2007 5:15 PM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Facing the music

Alistair Darling is all set to groom his eyebrows into their most reassuring as news comes in from The Times that the economy's buggered. The EU Treaty will be signed today in Lisbon. Brown, in a cunning attempt to divert attention away from the EU Treaty (see: referendum, lack… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 18 Oct 2007 8:25 AM. There are 2 comments so far. Permalink

That Was The Week That Was

...and the Tories are back in town!

The story so far: A good week in the polls for Labour after their Conference ratcheted up speculation on a snap election, to the point that everyone just assumed it was going to happen. Gorgeous, brooding Gordon Brown - ably assisted by his brilliant coterie of young advisors - was… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 13 Oct 2007 10:14 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Paper Waving

LIVE! PMQs for 10/10/07

11:59 A couple of minutes to go until Welsh Questions winds up, and Westmonster would like it noted that it appears to be House of Commons Loud Tie Day, with both Peter Hain and Jack Straw wearing eye-watering confections. Looking good, gents. 12:00 Here we go. Harriet wrestles aside the… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 10 Oct 2007 11:38 AM. Permalink

Points, In Order

Projection and objection in the House

BONG! Guido reports that former New Labour darling, Oona King, is to join the Big Tent. Even more psychologically fascinating than this decision is a comment left on Guido's post which starts "why don't you f*ck off and stick your greasy tongue back up Gay Gordon's rancid arsehole instead of posting shite… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 9 Oct 2007 6:00 PM. Permalink

Department for Tax and Spend

Oooh! Back of the net!

Good news for the comrades at last in the pre-budget report! The Eyebrow's just announced that he's going to raise the threshold for inheritance tax to £600,000, in order to balance fair taxation with health and education spending, and he combined it with a nice bitchslap directed at the Tories over their… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 9 Oct 2007 3:59 PM. Permalink

Department for Tax and Spend

Darling, are you channelling?

Well, after a shaky start and some periodic barracking - the Tories have clearly been told to roar and heckle loudly - Alistair seems to be holding it together. Must be the eyebrows. Surprisingly, Darling has announced that he plans to "close loopholes" on non-domiciles, and introduce a 2p cut in corporation… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 9 Oct 2007 3:41 PM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Statesmanship a la mode

Great stuff from Dave yesterday in the Iraq statement. Dave berated the Gord for how he was "dealing with people's lives and the families of our brave servicemen. How dare he play politics with our armed forces? The Conservatives wouldn't do that! Vote for us to support our boys!" Stirringly… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 9 Oct 2007 7:39 AM. Permalink

Points, In Order

The end of a long day in politics

BONG! Those geniuses (genii?) at Labour HQ have discovered another way to irritate the electorate - all hail! Not only are members of the public subjected to a form of market research (called Voter ID) when they open the door to a red rosette-wearing canvasser, but now they've removed the need… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 8 Oct 2007 5:25 PM. Permalink

Department for Kite Flying

The Sunday after the night before

Unsurprisingly the Sundays have had a bit of a last minute re-draft and are full of the PM's decision to call off a snap election. This has coincided with the YouGov poll that puts the Tories three points ahead, with the comrades dropping five points to 38. The Observer… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 7 Oct 2007 10:34 AM. Permalink

That Was The Week That Was

Exclusive: Cameron is Rasputin's love child

This time last week a YouGov poll for the Telegraph had the comrades maintaining their 11 point lead over the shiny faced boy wonder (pictured here with a cute puppy. Awwww!), whilst the Times Populus poll had him slipping five percentage points in the aftermath of the Gord's address to Conference. He… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 6 Oct 2007 11:30 AM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

We're the Tories. Perhaps you've heard of us.

Well folks, the Guardian/ICM poll is out, and it shows that the Tories and Labour are neck and neck at 38%. Cameron's ratings are the best they've been since March. Ruh-roh! Excellent analysis, as always, from the UK Polling Report. Alistair Darling on the predicted economic downturn: "this town, is… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 5 Oct 2007 7:44 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Madness

As clear as mud

The recent claims and counter claims over the fiscal advisability of the Tory's tax proposals have left Westmonster (who has trouble counting her change with any degree of accuracy) somewhat baffled. Where better, therefore, to go for lucid explanation than the Labour Party website for a simple, concise description of… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 3 Oct 2007 8:12 AM. Permalink

Points, In Order

A Safe Pair of Eyebrows

BONG! Alistair Darling says that everything is nice. BONG! The excellent Spectator blog nails the internal dichotomy of the Broon. BONG! The Gord doesn't rule out a snap poll. And this is news...how? BONG! Labour at highest ratings EVAH this parliament (or, at least since the Boy Cameron was put in charge… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 23 Sep 2007 11:21 PM. Permalink

Westmonster: “Alistair Darling”