Crime rates are expected to soar as the economy deteriorates. The Guardian. Gordon Brown and Alistair Darling have decided that England should borrow its way out of the economic crisis. The Times. Al Gore has challenged Americans to give up fossil fuels within the next ten years. BBC. Plans for… read more…

The orange abomination that is fake tan has been banned from Royal Ascot. BBC. It was discovered that an average of eight new laws come into effect each day in the UK. The Times. David Cameron has questioned Gordon Brown about the command structure in Afghanistan after the deaths of… read more…

Maybe Telegraph Washington correspondent Tim Shipman is worried his plum D.C. assignment could be in jeopardy. In a major scoop, The Sunday Telegraph writer managed to re-hash a week-old, long-shot theory initially floated by Time hack Joe Klein, that Al Gore could unite a divided Democratic party in a brokered… read more…

If Westmonster worked for the Obama campaign, we'd be sweating bullets: perennial loser Bob Shrum has weighed in on the Democratic race, and is calling Hillary Clinton's campaign toast. "There could still be a Clinton miracle, but by tomorrow night she is more likely to be the KOd Kid… read more…

BONG! Chris Huhne has made an early break for the leadership of the Liberal Democrats. Don't worry kids, only another two months of this excitement to go! BONG! Health Secretary Alan Johnson with good news for fatties everywhere: apparently it's not our fault! Yeah! Let's all spend our days eating… read more…

BONG! Ming Campbell's troubles begin in earnest as questions are asked over his leadership. In, er, unrelated news, Cheeky Boy Lembit steps down as leader of the Welsh Liberal Democrats. Coincidence? Westmonster has reason to suspect not. BONG! Is there an end in sight for the postal strike? BONG! Kelvin… read more…

Well, that's that then. Westmonster has duly cancelled her return ticket to Worksop. Gordon forgot the first rule of bandwagons: if you're going to start one rolling you better be damn sure that you can control the bugger if it looks like it's going to run away with itself.… read more…