David Cameron: Sir Ming Campbell has had a distinguished Parliamentary career and I wish him and his wife, Lady Campbell, well for the future. Translation: Dagnammit, I've got away with pretending that I was well up for an election I wasn't and now I have to pretend that I relish… read more…

Gordon Brown: "Sir Menzies is a man of great stature and integrity who has served his party and country with distinction."Translation: "Thank F*CK for that! Hopefully they'll choose wee Nicky Clegg. He's identical in almost every respect to the Boy David who'll eat into the latter's poll lead. Muhahahahaha!"… read more…

Charles Kennedy: "I'm sorry that things have ended up for Ming in this way, but I know the gratitude felt towards him within the party. I don't doubt he has a valuable ongoing contribution to make to the Liberal Democrats into the future." Translation: "Quick Sarah, hide the booze, I… read more…