Westmonster has been thinking. Maybe this is where George Monbiot went wrong: instead of just attempting to carry out a citizen's arrest on John Bolton the old fashioned way, he should have burst into the tent on horseback, thereby capitalising on what little surprise he'd granted himself. Added bonus… read more…

It was Friedrich Nietzsche that once said, "Under conditions of peace the warlike man attacks himself." That doesn't really have anything to do with this story but we thought it may serve to make us look intelligent. And perhaps it will. The real news is that if you were starting… read more…

As rambling, delusional conspiracy freaks with grossly exaggerated senses of self-importance go, Harrods owner Mohamed Al Fayed is certainly one of the most high-profile specimens. Fayed has long become infamous for claiming that his son Dodi - along with People's Sloane Ranger Princess Diana - was murdered by MI6,… read more…

"Who am I?" asks our old friend Nadine Dorries, in an (even for Nad) unbelieveably obtuse and rambling post on the Human Tissue & Embryology Bill, currently before the Lords. "Unfortunately, the argument and debate around the creation of human hybrids, cybrids, and fatherless children, flies over the top of… read more…

If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, it seems nobody wants to flatter the Prime Minister. Word reaches Westmonster via our sister title, Glitterditch, that famed photographer Alison Jackson and Esquire are launching an open casting call to find a lookalike for El Gordo after a fruitless six-year search:… read more…

What happens when you scream that your opponent is really sleazy, and he rejoins with the argument that, no, YOU'RE really sleazy? It appears that the voters conclude you're both correct.… read more…

So, fomer NSPCC chair Sir Christopher Kelly has become the new chair of the Committee for Standards in Public Life (or "sleaze buster" if you're into the tabloidisation of the minor political appointments). How disappointing.… read more…

The language our friends in the meedja like to use to create the mood is always a joy. People never express "mild irritation" or "indifference," it's always "FURY!" and likewise, nobody is ever "questioned," they are "grilled." The Gord may well want to grill Harriet Harman (preferably slowly, over a… read more…

A colleague has burst into Westmonster HQ and breathlessly declared that LibDem leadership contender Chris Huhne had "done an Angus MacNeil!" Hurrah! At last, something's happened in this interminable campaign. So, Chris has had to 'fess up to a sordid "heavy petting" session with two winsome teenage lovelies and ... oh. Apparently,… read more…

Ohmigod! Heather "Rat Milk" Mills is Fat Tony ... except without the swivel-eyed murderous insanity. Oh, wait.… read more…