Posh Boris Johnson has confused thousands throughout the nation by blaming William Shakespeare for the recent wave of knife crime that has swept the nation. According to today's papers, the rotund London mayor expressed in his famously eloquent tones that knife crime should be seen as 'moronic' - not with… read more…

Comic book fans are anxious to discover if reports that Spiderman and Batman have joined forces by climbing on to the roof of home secretary Harriet Harman to fight for fathers' rights are true. If correct, it will be the second time this year that the two superheroes have made… read more…

In a cultural climate in which even minor celebrities are increasingly untouchable (seriously, how long before we're all opening chapels dedicated to Barry Scott and passing laws that make it illegal not to look like Vernon Kay?) the head of the metropolitan police has decided that enough is enough.… read more…

Westmonster was stabbed thirty-seven times on the way to the shops the other day. Luckily we'd invested in a blade-proof vest only hours previously, otherwise that dash to the corner shop to stock up our supplies of Irn Bru and Salt And Vinegar Space Raiders could have ended in… read more…

Paperwork can be so stressful sometimes. Imagine that you were Satan himself, Prince of Darkness and Great Overlord of the Underworld, and you were trying to frantically remember who was lined up for your 3 o' clock torture appointment. Shuffling through the reams of documents on your desk, you… read more…

It's been another busy week for the Chosen One, A.K.A. Boris Johnson, Mayor of London, all-round nice guy, and neophyte vanquisher of crime™: Yesterday he was hanging around the Elephant and Castle with Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith, in an attempt put an end to knife fights in the capital, and… read more…