Ministry for Change

UK needs the Japanese 'Koban'...

Plans for a new policing 'Green Paper' were unveiled today. Lauded by Gordon Brown for the amount of bureaucracy that they will cut down on, it is expected that the move will result in the boys in blue spending more time patrolling our streets and less time messing around with… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 18 Jul 2008 2:52 PM. There are 3 comments so far. Permalink

Poll

Lunchtime Poll: E-mail Database

A massive four people took part in the Westmonster lunchtime poll yesterday - more than the number of votes received by Labour in the last by-election, and quadruple the number of partners enjoyed by sexpot Anne Widdecombe. We rock! If you've forgotten (or just don't care), we asked you whether… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 18 Jul 2008 12:16 PM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

10 reasons to jump ship...

Crime rates are expected to soar as the economy deteriorates. The Guardian. Gordon Brown and Alistair Darling have decided that England should borrow its way out of the economic crisis. The Times. Al Gore has challenged Americans to give up fossil fuels within the next ten years. BBC. Plans for… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 18 Jul 2008 8:44 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Devolution

Cherie Blair to open literary festival...

Sexy literary genius Cherie Blair is set to take the book publishing world by storm as she prepares to make a special guest appearance at West Yorkshire's Ilkley Literature Festival. The wife of former PM Tony Blair will officially open the event before giving lucky punters an exclusive insight into… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 17 Jul 2008 3:23 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Mindfucks

Knife crime better than last year...

Official figures released today suggest that the current panic surrounding the ostensible rise in knife crime has more to do with an increase in news reports than actual incidents involving knives. The British Crime Survey, which acquires figures via interviews with members of the public, claims that, despite the popular… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 17 Jul 2008 1:53 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Wishful Thinking

Asbestos back on the menu...

Good news or bad news (depending on how you look at it), but it seems that all visitors to the Houses of Parliament are exposing themselves not only to dangerously high levels of hubris and tedium - but also to dangerous levels of asbestos. According to the Guardian, peers and… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 17 Jul 2008 12:54 PM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Poll

Lunchtime Poll: Sex education

Well, our lunchtime poll had to take a break yesterday - a monumental national event which sent the country into a spiral of confusion. Don't worry, kids: we're back. Last time we wanted to know whether British readers were pinning their hopes on Barack Obama in the upcoming US… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 17 Jul 2008 12:30 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Clinging On

Random thoughts regarding popes and consumption...

Pope Benedict XYZ has joined the troupe of pontificating public figures to lash out at consumer culture. Speaking at a formal address before tens of thousands of young Australian Roman Catholics, the Holy One warned that natural resources were being squandered and that people were worshipping false idols in the… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 17 Jul 2008 11:14 AM. There are 2 comments so far. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

10 reasons to take a long walk off a short pier...

The U.S. looks like it has plans to establish a diplomatic presence in Iran sometime within the next month. BBC. Official figures suggest that incidents of knife crime in the UK over the last year have topped 22,000. The Telegraph. Whitehall has announced that it is to be the first… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 17 Jul 2008 8:42 AM. Permalink

Good, Bad And Mad

The Good, The Bad and The Mad: July 17

Three stories - one pleasing, one displeasing, and one just plain batshit. GOOD Gordon Brown wants to help inject some order and stability into the lawless Niger Delta region. The oil-rich lawless Niger Delta region. BAD Max Hastings writes possibly the most depressing column we've ever, ever read. MAD… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 17 Jul 2008 3:00 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Fair Play

New plans may make dying easier...

The government has today unveiled new plans that will give the dying amongst us more choices about how we go. From now on, if the £286m three-year project proves to be successful, dying Britons will be able to cash their chips in 'familiar surroundings' (such as down their local Tesco… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 16 Jul 2008 3:16 PM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Crime Fighting

To stab or not to stab*...

Posh Boris Johnson has confused thousands throughout the nation by blaming William Shakespeare for the recent wave of knife crime that has swept the nation. According to today's papers, the rotund London mayor expressed in his famously eloquent tones that knife crime should be seen as 'moronic' - not with… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 16 Jul 2008 2:48 PM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

10 reasons to party like it's 1999...

David Cameron has called for U.S. style bankruptcy rules in a bid to protect the economy. The Times. US car firm General Motors has revealed that it is to cut jobs due to decreased sales. BBC. It looks like knife crime may not be just an English avocation but one… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 16 Jul 2008 8:44 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Fun and Games

Cowardly Tony scared of death threats...

Second Coming Middle East envoy Tony Blair has decided to cancel his peace spreading visit to Gaza after 'specific threats' were made against him. The planned trip would have been the highest-level diplomatic mission to the territory since the Hamas seized control of it about a year ago, though the… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 15 Jul 2008 3:09 PM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Change

Whitey not on the moon...

Back in 1969 a seminal hip hop group called The Last Poets released Whitey On The Moon. It was a reactionary piece that expressed the divisive nature of a society in which the American black man was still worrying about paying the rent, putting food on the table, or generally… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 15 Jul 2008 2:05 PM. Permalink

Poll

Lunchtime Poll: Britain backing Obama?

Yesterday we asked you whether age-old hate-figure/iconoclast Margaret Thatcher should be receiving a grandiose state funeral. The results were a lot closer than Westmonster initially expected - 43% of you reckoning that the Iron Lady should get that most public of send-offs, while 57% of you stating that you… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 15 Jul 2008 12:00 PM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

10 reasons to quit...

Gordon Brown is to vacation in the English town of Southwold in Suffolk. Channel 4. Tony Blair is to visit Gaza for the first time in his new role as Middle East envoy. BBC. Jacqui Smith is wishing she had never said anything about knife offenders visiting people in A&E… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 15 Jul 2008 8:28 AM. Permalink

Good, Bad And Mad

The Good, The Bad and The Mad: July 15

Three categories, three news snippets. GOOD The dinosaur-ridden House Of Lords is due for a long overdue shake-up. BAD People everywhere are attacking Labour's speedy U-turn on their knife crime policy. MAD Brits abroad continue to make this nation proud.… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 15 Jul 2008 2:00 AM. Permalink

Poll

Lunchtime Poll: Thatcher's state funeral

So Clare Short really put the boot into Gordon Brown last week ... but if the PM is looking for support from you lot, he certainly isn't going to find it. According to Friday's lunchtime poll, the vast majority of you think that Short was absolutely justified in highlighting… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 14 Jul 2008 12:00 PM. Permalink

Good, Bad And Mad

The Good, The Bad and The Mad: July 14

Three story-shaped nuggets that are either joyful, woeful or ... erm ... madful. GOOD Britain is doing its bit for diplomatic relations by trying to defuse tension with Russia over the Alexander Litvinenko case. BAD Further depressing signs for the global economy - massive banking organisation IndyMac has been… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 14 Jul 2008 4:00 AM. Permalink

Poll

Lunchtime Poll: Clare Short vs Gordon Brown

Yesterday we asked you if you thought Iran represented a threat to worldwide peace. Unfortunately only a handful of you responded - the rest of you presumably too busy cowering in your missile shelters with your laptops clicked over to howtosurvivetheupcomingapocalypse.com. Anyway, those of you who did take part… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 11 Jul 2008 12:00 PM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

10 reasons to start a riot...

The death rate after major surgery within NHS hospitals is three times as high as it should be. The Telegraph. David Davis won his by-election with a huge majority of 15,355 - maybe it would have been easier if he'd just moved office or something. BBC. Nick Clegg has been… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 11 Jul 2008 8:41 AM. Permalink

Good, Bad And Mad

The Good, The Bad and The Mad: July 11

It does what the headline says. GOOD Knife crime may not quite be the 'epidemic' many are claiming, says Sunny Hundal at The Guardian. BAD The SNP's Nicola Sturgeon reckons that poor people are pretty much screwed. MAD A couple of days old now, but so genuinely insane we… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 11 Jul 2008 12:35 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Taste and Decency

Prescott to front ambitious documentary...

Fans of secretly sensitive John Prescott will be delighted to hear that he is to front a BBC documentary that explores the British class system. Titled Prescott On Class the autumn season highlight has been described (by producers) as "BBC2's most ambitious single documentary ever". Even more excitingly, the show… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 10 Jul 2008 2:26 PM. There are 2 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry for Revolutions

Facebook to end knife crime...

The suits in Westminster, Whitehall to be precise, look like they've finally tapped into the well of secret knowledge that separates the clued-in from mere mortals. In the fight against youth knife crime it seems that it may finally have dawned upon campaigners that young Britons don't acquire information from… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 10 Jul 2008 2:02 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Clinging On

Bush to emit less gas...

Everybody's favourite simian of conversation, George W. Bush, managed to crack a few wry smiles from audiences in Japan last night by making a joke about his country's super-sized contributions to world pollution levels. As a final sayonara to Japanese leaders the saucy Texan quipped, "Goodbye from the world’s greatest… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 10 Jul 2008 1:21 PM. Permalink

Poll

Lunchtime Poll: is Iran a threat?

The Tories think that people should be given cash incentives to recycle. You don't, however, with the results of yesterday's poll stating that 77% of you think that saving the planet is a good enough cause within itself. The other 23% would presumably like a cheeky fiver slipped into… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 10 Jul 2008 12:00 PM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

10 reasons to despair...

Gordon Brown has insisted that he has much in common with Heathcliff from Wuthering Heights. The Guardian. Today apparently marks the 50th anniversary of the beloved parking meter. The Times. Ministers are to bribe people out of their apathy when it comes to local elections by offering them the chance… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 10 Jul 2008 6:47 AM. Permalink

Good, Bad And Mad

The Good, The Bad and The Mad: July 10

Three opposing sides of a news-flavoured triangle. GOOD Hazel Blears is on a crusade to rejuvenate local politics and strengthen communities. BAD According to Iain Dale, ITV has axed their last political show and have no plans to replace it. Still - there's always room for another series of… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 10 Jul 2008 2:00 AM. Permalink

Ministry of Cultural Hyperbole

Wales now officially invisible, says Wales

If any of you were thinking of walking the Offa's Dyke path this summer, you'd better be careful - chances are you could find yourself hurtling into a limbo-realm of non-existence as soon as you put one foot outside the English border. Why? Because it seems that Wales has… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 9 Jul 2008 10:39 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Apathy

David Davis: 'more famous, less liked'

Despite his resignation and campaign against the controversial 42 Day detention plans, the good people over at Politics Home have cobbled together some stats that reveal David Davis's staunch rebellion has been less than successful in swaying the public mindset. Or, as they put it: 'a total failure.' Careful… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 9 Jul 2008 10:18 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Crime Fighting

Superheroes fight for fathers' rights...

Comic book fans are anxious to discover if reports that Spiderman and Batman have joined forces by climbing on to the roof of home secretary Harriet Harman to fight for fathers' rights are true. If correct, it will be the second time this year that the two superheroes have made… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 9 Jul 2008 1:27 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Mashed Potato

NHS announces fat camps for chubby kids...

Though David Cameron yesterday asserted that the UK is quickly becoming a nation of fat slackers it seems that things may be looking up. According to reports, the NHS has resolved to solve the problem of child obesity via a 'pioneering initiative' that will see portly northern youngsters being sent… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 9 Jul 2008 1:12 PM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Poll

Lunchtime Poll: Tory recycling plans

You bloody love the NHS, you lot. How do we know? Because you told us in yesterday's Lunchtime Poll, that's how - with 72% of you proclaiming that the health service was the pride of Britain and a measly 28% of you convinced that it's actually a load of… read more…

Written by C J Davies on 9 Jul 2008 12:00 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Mindfucks

Beverage aimed at idiots causes controversy...

Throughout the nation brain cell blazing youngsters, television executives, and those annoying mid-30 year olds that still think they're in university are picking at the broken cartilage between their nostrils in anticipation of an exciting new energy drink called Cocaine. Developed by an American company, the beverage, which sells itself… read more…

Written by Oli Anderson on 9 Jul 2008 11:32 AM. Permalink

July 2008 Archives