Jerk off Cameron may appear in monkey movie...

David Cameron is preparing to further his 1980s brand of cool credentials by doing the time-warp again. In a speech that he is due to make shortly, the Leader of the Opposition will profess a yen to place family at the heart of his Government policy - to be manifest via such gems as providing tax breaks and more benefits to married couples, lynching homosexuals in the street, and secretly sending out the more lowly members of his party to prick holes in the condoms on supermarket shelves. If only we proletarians were able to use our 'personalities' as contraception like the MPs do.

In many respects Mr Cameron's family notions are reminiscent of a more famous relic from the 1980s, Ex-President of America, Ronald Reagan, who was famous for his belief that the family unit should be at the heart of all things political, and therefore the world. Everybody knows that Cameron likes to jerk off over the iconic images of Margaret Thatcher in her heyday, imagine running his sticky fingers through her thinning hair, but perhaps in this time of political uncertainty and Americanised culture of ours, Reagan really is the man for the Tories to seek inspiration from. He is the daddy after all.

Is it possible, though, that the family can ever be at the heart of our society ever again? Don't we have too many broken homes, salacious desires, and emotional insecurities to spend the rest of our lives with just one person? Shouldn't the very thought of such regressive ideas makes us shudder with disgust? Whatever happened to being free? Getting your bone smooched in the afternoon and living a little?

According to a documentary that Westmonster watched last night, Juno, there is absolutely nothing wrong with single parents as long as the child in question is raised in a safe environment and knows that they're loved. Why would we try and outcast these people like lepers just for having the strength to do something by themselves that many people can't effectively do by with the assistance of a partner?

Sure, it's nice to imagine that the family unit can be like it is in the Disney movies. That Daddy isn't an alcoholic and that Mummy hasn't turned into a sexually-repressed coke snorting prude. But that's just the way things are these days. Any politician that tries to sell you otherwise is just working on your fears and dreams and trying to convince you that he can solve all your problems. It's a bunch of bullshit as stinky as the previous batch. Don't listen to it and get on with your life. Fuck.

If Cameron keeps working backwards on his cocktail of Thatcherism and Reaganism he might loose his way completely. And if he's taking his good advice from a man that appeared in a movie as an equal to a monkey, then were they hell will his bad ideas come from? Asking families to stay together because they can claim more benefits is about as cynical as asking John Prescott if he can handle another portion of fish n' chips, and, quite frankly, here at Westmonster we are disgusted by it.

Isn't it time we got with the times???

Written by Oli Anderson on 9 Jun 2008 9:03 AM. Permalink