Did the MoD drive dolphins to sonic suicide?

Whilst we don't necessarily condone the propagation of conspiracy theories (except, of course, for that one about Elvis killing Princess Diana), we couldn't help but to become enthralled by the news that the Ministry of Defence are nothing more than a bunch of soulless dolphin killers. To be honest, we had suspected as much all along.

According to reports in today's Times, the MoD were on Sunday using sonar technology to survey the ocean floors in Falmouth Bay, Cornwall. That may sound harmless enough until you realise that, around the corner from where this was all happening, 26 dolphins were driven out of their minds with sonic lunacy and ended up perishing after becoming stranded on the beaches.

A spokesperson for the MoD is quoted as saying that the stranding - Britain's biggest in 25 years - was “extremely unlikely” to have had anything to do with the experiments that the defense agency was carrying out. "Anyone that thinks so is a wet fart", he quipped.

Other theories that account for the mysterious mass dolphin suicide include the idea that they were collectively chasing a shoal of mackerel, maybe being chased by a killer whale, or had simply become confused by warships. More sophisticated theories conclude that the group were all Facebook friends and had simply decided that enough was enough. They would end their pelagic pain in unison.

Members of the public had earlier reported an explosion off the coast from where the incident occurred. The Ministry of Defence has said that it has no idea what these people are talking about and that it's simply not true. Autopsies conducted on the deceased dolphins concluded that they were well fed, without disease, and otherwise in good shape (apart from being dead).

We won't use any of those old-school 'something smells fishy' puns, but it certainly seems that something is afoot? Will we ever find out what?

The case will probably not continue...

Photo: Flickr

Written by Oli Anderson on 11 Jun 2008 10:19 AM. Permalink