BoJo's knife crime solution: teach kids Latin

Westmonster was stabbed thirty-seven times on the way to the shops the other day. Luckily we'd invested in a blade-proof vest only hours previously, otherwise that dash to the corner shop to stock up our supplies of Irn Bru and Salt And Vinegar Space Raiders could have ended in tragedy. Or at least an Evening Standard byline.

Our point being: knife crime among young people is rampant. So rampant, infact, that some crack-addled six-year-old could be sneaking up behind you right this very moment, ready to hold you to ransom for all the downloadable ringtones you can afford. Who's going to save us from this urban nightmare? Why, Boris Johnson, of course. Of course.

Boris's rapid-response reaction? His quickfire take-no-prisoners strategy? His barnstorming rites-of-passage into the frenzied world of crimefighting? Erm ... it goes a little something like this:

"I think there's a huge amount we can do in London by promoting the learning of languages including Latin. I would like to see not only that but I would like to see ancient Greek. Latin can help with all languages."

Absolutely. Because - given the prevalence of inner-city decay, fractured family structure, zero positive role models and a society increasingly focused on meaningless fame and bling-centred fortune - flicking through the collected works of Livius Andronicus Lucius would be a winning couterpoint, wouldn't it?

None of that stuff about the First Punic War, mind. We wouldn't want any violent influences sneaking in.

Written by C J Davies on 5 Jun 2008 12:28 AM. Permalink