Scottish ambulance service: knackered

You know where you'd be extra wrong, though? North of the border, that's where. It seems that the Scottish Ambulance Service is in a right old state, and the situation is so dire that MSPs have ordered Health Secretary Nicola Surgeon to make a statement in parliament.

Things have apparently started to paddle their way up certain effluence-themed creeks of late, what with budgetary restrictions meaning that around 25 paramedic shifts are going unfilled in Glasgow every day. This financial shortcomings all stem from a recent initiative, the main thrust of which was to ditch the majority of two-man ambulances and replace them with solo operations.

Sturgeon has predictably attempted to calm the choppy waters:

"This approach is intended to improve response times, which are of the utmost importance to patients, to reduce unnecessary patient journeys and improve overall experience. It will also lead to a net increase in the number of emergency vehicles in the ambulance service fleet. If there is concern about these developments the service must increase its efforts in this regard and I will ensure that it does so."

Jesus - couple this with the mooted idea for new 'superclinics' and it seems like the British Health System is all set to collapse under a series of meaningless buzzwords and complete lack of application. Coming soon: CyberTronic Ultra Bandages. Previously known as tinfoil.