Prince of Darkness to rule the underground...

Boris Johnson has alarmed Londoners by appointing somebody called 'the Prince of Darkness' as the new overlord of the underground. Seriously. Tim Parker, a businessman who was once given the unimaginative nickname by uninspired union workers, will be in charge of TfL in his new role as first deputy mayor.

According to the Guardian, Parker's mephistophelean nickname came about after he became famed for a series of strict cost-cutting techniques whilst working for companies such as AA, Clarks, Kwik-fit, and Kenwoods. He is also described as hating all humanity, or more accurately creation, opposing God, spreading lies and wreaking havoc on the souls of mankind.

Johnson will nominate him to be chairman of TfL from September 1.

The Wicked One, who ironically used to be a member of the Labour Party whilst studying at Oxford, said of his new position:

"I've spent my career taking over struggling ~~minds~~ companies and making them ~~mine~~ strong. I see wonderful opportunities to transform the infrastructure of ~~all humanity~~ London and deliver ~~more souls~~ better services to the ~~infernos of hell~~ Londoners."

Those who don't like the Prince of Darkness, due to his insensitivity in dealing with his duties (he was once lambasted for turning up in a Porsche to announce job losses), have said that his new appointment is a "scary" one. Many expect him to simply cut services and put of the prices.

Tony Blair is also reported to be pissed off at the news. He's angry that somebody stole the name that he goes by amongst close friends and family.

Written by Oli Anderson on 23 May 2008 10:12 AM. Permalink