New jail plans demonstrate superior thinking...

The UK government has managed to stun sentient beings across the globe with a sensitivity, tact, and understanding not seen since Mother Teresa last walked the earth. The reasons for this new wave of greatness comes in the form of a recently made decision regarding the dealing of the UK's overcrowded prison system, which is estimated to reach a new all time high of one hundred thousand inmates before the next twenty years have bowed out.

We urge you, Dear Reader, to ensure that you are sitting as we reveal the details of their ingenious plan, for it is one so startling, yet simple in its workings, that the mere mention of it may cause your legs to quiver in insensibility and inflict upon you an unprecedented degree of pain or embarrassment.

Sitting comfortably? Then we shall begin to tell you how lucky you are...

Upon hearing these new plans you will understand why you are you and the government are superior to you. The people in charge, you see, are the greatest minds in the nation. They have large heads in which to house their large brains, second houses in which to store their large heads, more money and more sense than you ever will. This time, their superlative powers of cognition have been demonstrated by their decision to clear up space in prisons by, wait for it...

Releasing the other prisoners early!

That's right, in a move that will advance humanity's understanding of logic by a millennia or two, the suits in Westminster have concluded that by releasing some of the prisoners early (550 of them to be precise), they will be able to send in the next batch just in time for tea.

A Ministry of Justice spokeswoman said of Jack Straw's plans: "To allow the Parole Board to focus resources on violent and sexual offenders we are implementing the Carter review recommendation on June 9, which will align the release arrangements for certain prisoners."

These certain prisoners will be non-violent, non-sexual offenders and will be released over a period of fourteen months after serving only half of their sentences. Naturally, if they commit any further crimes they'll be shipped back to their cells, otherwise, though, it sounds like Straw has given them an early Christmas present.

We can't decide what to really make of the plan, sure it's a pretty dumb and obvious way to empty the prisons, but how long will it work for? 550 isn't the biggest number in the world, so it probably won't take too long to fill these cells again...

But perhaps our inability to understand simply boils down to us being plebs like the rest of you.

Photo: Flickr

Written by Oli Anderson on 28 May 2008 1:37 PM. Permalink