New immigration points system unleashed...

The government has announced new guidelines for a points-based immigration system, which it claims will make things fairer for British citizens as they seek employment. It is also claimed that the move will ensure that only those with skills needed in Britain are entitled to work in the UK by stipulating that those wishing to move here will now need an offer of employment from a UK company before shipping/lorrying themselves over.

Although specific details of the points system have not yet been made public, Westmonster has it on quite good authority that a basic breakdown of the system will be as follows:

Ability to quote jokes from old episodes of Fawlty Towers - 33 points
Being able to discern the difference between the 'sh' and 'ch' sounds in the phrase 'Fish and Chips' - 26 points
Juggling and other party tricks - 10 points
Showing perspicacity and acumen whilst not dealing with members of the public in some seedy back room- 12 points
Working longer hours for a lower wage than everybody else - 52 points

Further details are expected to be added to the list at a later stage. It is interesting that the new system is unveiled at a time when research in America has revealed that migrants are perceived by many companies to be harder workers than the rest of the population.

Border and immigration minister Liam Byrne said: "Our new points system means that British jobseekers get the first crack of the whip." Westmonster assumes that he won't tell the migrants that until after he's taken their passports from them. Nobody really likes to be whipped, after all.

Westmonster thinks that as long as the new policy breeds equality it should work out fine.

Written by Oli Anderson on 6 May 2008 1:28 PM. Permalink