Impecunious George Bush owns expensive bicycle...

George Bush, Leader of the Free World, Space and America, has shocked fans by revealing that his vast fortune isn't as vast as one may have expected it to be.

According to disclosure forms released today, his wealth now stands at a paltry $6.5 million, much less than when he came into office and was estimated at being worth at least $9 million and perhaps as much as $24 million.

The news will no doubt come as a blow to conspiracy theorists who were expecting his fortune to be up there with the likes of oil barons and kings or computer nerds. Westmonster was shocked by the news because it implies that the Simple One might not be the mercenary that we were assuming him to be...

The disclosure reports show that Vice President Dick Cheney has fared much better than his boss, reporting assets valued anywhere between $21 million and $99 million. Cheney and his wife are at least as wealthy as when Cheney began his tenure, and may in fact have added $29 million to the wealth that they had beforehand.

But what does it mean?!??! Are Bush's financial woes down to his famous stupidity, or is their something more sensational going on? Does Cheney's increased wealth imply that he is the mastermind behind the Iraq war? Or did Bush simply spend all his money on cheeseburgers? Unfortunately, we'll probably never know...

The reports also show that Bush and Cheney were given a number of gifts. Bush received a bicycle worth $6,160, a Hawaiian shirt, and some fly-fishing equipment. Cheney received a DVD box set of '24', along with some other show-related merchandise such as caps and a director's chair.

Westmonster has always suspected that 24 was full-on political propaganda, especially considering its content after 9/11. At least the reports have closed the door on one mystery...

The White House is organising a collection for the soon-to-be-retired president. Please send your donations to:

George Bush,
The White House,
America

Written by Oli Anderson on 16 May 2008 9:22 AM. Permalink