Official: BNP members don't get much bedroom action

Having looked at this entertaining poll over at Iain Dale's diary - the Cleggover sex survey, in tribute to bumbling lothario Nick Clegg - Westmonster can't help but wonder: why exactly would 30 per cent of BNP members be virgins? What is it about them that fails to attract the ladies?

A number of reasons, really. Bedroom antics must be difficult for 'em - after all, unhooking a bra is probably fairly tricky when you lack opposable thumbs. And to even get a lay-dee into that situation, you'll no doubt have to charm her first - something else which may also be impossible, given that the primary method of communication for those cheeky little racists consists of grunts, snorts and the occasional snigger at the Daily Star joke page.

Interestingly, the group with the second highest amount of inexperienced shy-types is the Green Party. Presumably because those hemp jumpers don't really scale the higher echelons of fashion, and there's also nothing girls hate more than having to use a compost toilet.

The poll is a sliding scale down to zero, where - remarkably - we see that the party with the highest amount of sexual proficiency is the SNP. Wow - here we were, under the impression that the way to hit it off with women was to be charming, funny and possibly have a little bit more money than the other people in the bar. Apparently the real trick is to be rabidly xenophobic.

But then surely the BNP would be doing far better, right?

Written by C J Davies on 8 Apr 2008 11:57 PM. Permalink