Boris proposes to save London through music and drama

Team Bojo, which includes a few bankers and other important people, mollified public concerns about London's rowdy and vicious youth demographic - which they claimed Mr. Livingstone saw as negligible - by stating they had found a perfect and original solution to the problem: music and drama clubs.

In the move, which sounds very Westside Story, the youth of London will be tamed through the magical powers of art. Instead of stabbing each other they will be able to throw Shakespeare quotes in each other's faces. Instead of fighting or stealing, they will find their bliss through dance or poetry recitals. Many of them will become movie stars. Others will become respected as stage thespians...

Perhaps it was because Ol' Bojo had a look in his eye that said he truly thought this would work that nobody told him that politicians and councils had been trying to tame the country's youth with youth clubs for the past few decades. Perhaps it was his vacant stare and innocent blinking that prevented anybody from telling him it had never worked..

So we all joined him in a sing-song and decided to let him get on with it.