"Some of my best friends are members of LFI"

So it comes as no surprise that the first major piece on DA JOOZ "the shadowy influence of Labour Friends of Israel" is printed in the paper that is the spiritual home of Robert Fisk. Yasmin Alibhai-Brown (for it is she) says she'll probably be accused of anitsemitism (if the cap fits ...) for attempting to get at DA TROOF, before going on to trot out the standard International Jewish Conspiracy Theories. Checklist:

Secret organisations that help the Conspiracy

What exactly is the role of the Labour Friends of Israel (LFI) in our political life? And its twin, the Conservative Friends of Israel (CFI) too. In an open democracy, we are entitled to make such queries - indeed, it is a duty.

Yeah, it is love. Maybe you could have done a quick Google and found their respective websites: Conservative Friends of Israel and Labour Friends of Israel. Although the Conservatives' is a little low on content, LFI helpfully describes its role as "seek[ing] to promote a strong bilateral relationship between Britain and Israel. We work with the Government, Parliamentarians, advisers, and activists throughout the Labour movement."

P'rhaps Yasmin could have done a little cursory research before coming out with these dark hints that these organisations are antithetical to an "open democracy"? And when she's done that can she check through this list of All Party Country Groups who all (presumably) exert a shadowy influence on foreign policy.

Those Jews. Bit cunning and sneaky aren't they? Diffrunt from us, you might say. 

Abrahams is a "strange shape shifter," according to Alibhai-Brown. One of our Jewish comrades was able to confirm that son of God and reasonable goalie, David Icke, was the founder of the "shape shifter" trope, which holds that aliens are disguising themselves as Jews in their attempt to take over the world, or somesuch similar madness. Good to see it used again in one of our principal organs of record; honestly, we luuuuurve the smell of antisemitism a desire to protect open democracy in the morning. 

Jon Mendelsohn is:

... a passionate Zionist and infamous lobbyist, described by the Jewish Chronicle as "one of the best-connected power brokers". So we can assume LFI plays a part in shaping our foreign policies in the Middle East - the most inflammable tinderbox in the world today.   

Westmonster swears to God that she's not making this shit up. I mean, WOMAN! Get a grip! He's a lobbyist who presumably spent the last ten years trying to flog the wares of Carcinogenic Chemicals Inc to pissed up junior Ministers on the Terrace. But no, Alibhai-Brown has conflated his Jewishness and his membership of LFI to come up with the image of a shadowy Jew puppet-master controlling policy in the Middle East.  

Incidentally, Westmonster is both a woman and a member of the Fawcett Society. Are we to expect an article from Yasmin tomorrow about the sinister influence of your correspondent on the rape debate?

Some of my best friends are Jewish

The current scandal and its links to LFI only encourages fascist and Islamicist propagators of the idea of a worldwide Jewish conspiracy.

Not unlike those who write inflamatory borderline-racist bollocks in the pages of the Independent, eh Yasmin?

Whatever the outcome of the various investigations into the unlawful proxy donations, and who did what when with Abrahams' £600,000, the issue of insider lobbying by interest groups is as serious, possibly more so, and must not be ignored. It is astonishing that we have allowed it to spread through the corridors of power and infuse the air that breathed there. This corruption has no whiff, no colour. It is deadly and must now be stopped at source.

Yeah, those shape-shifting Jews have disguised themselves as handrails and such in the House of Commons, from where they assist the smooth running of the Conspiracy. We know they're there though, because they're, like, stinking out the place. 

Thanks, Yasmin, for contributing so wonderfully to our political discourse.