Westmonster Deathmatches

Nick Clegg vs. iPhone

Westmonster now presents the first in what we hope will be a regular series we're calling "Westmonster Deathmatches." Today's deathmatch pits just-crowned LibDem leader Nick Clegg against Apple's iPhone. The results may shock and amaze you.

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Nick Clegg
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iPhone
Age406 months
Childhood memoryA home filled with books8GB
MentorMing CampbellSteve Jobs
Operating PhilosophyClassical LiberalMobile OS X
Preferred NetworkSky NewsO2
Sexy FeatureHairMultitouch™ Interface
Youthful IndiscretionArson conviction in GermanyNo support for 3G
Vanquished FoeChris HuhneNokia N95
Backstab VictimCharles KennedyMotorola ROKR
LanguagesDutch, English, German, Russian, SpanishEnglish, French, German, Italian, Spanish

VERDICT: iPhone comes close, and no question Steve Jobs makes a stronger mentor than Sir Ming, but its lack of support for 3G and Russian weakens its case. In the end, The Hair puts wee Nicky over the top — for now. But he'd better watch his back, lest iPhone's rumoured late-2008 model boast a slick bouffante.

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