LIVE!: PMQs, 28/11/07

11.58PM: There's Harriet! In place, looking smiling and relaxed. Curiously there's PLENTY of room either side of the Gord this week, so she doesn't need to use her elbows.

12PM: In response to a question from Shona McIsaac, Brown trundles through the opening statements to jeers from the Opposition. McIsaac goes onto a question about veterans which Brown responds to somewhat robotically.

12:02PM: Here we go! Cameron shimmers to his feet and is all: "whiter than white? Only if white looks like POO!" The Gord: "yeah but I've announced ... a review!" Much heckling from the Opposition on Brown's thoughts on the future of party funding.

12:04PM: Cameron asks whether the rozzers have been called to fingerprint Downing Street and conduct rectal examinations. Brown is all, "no, we have announced 19 reviews and the Electoral Commission has announced a couple as well. What's the problem?"

12:05PM: The Speaker rebukes the House for rowdiness, and roars "Mr Skinner - you should know better." Heh. You see - you're writing the jokes yourselves now, eh? Davy demands the head of Jon Mendelsohn and the Gord responds by saying that there's no point because he's got a bishop on board on one of his reviews. Er ..?

12.07PM: David attempts outrage and ends up looking constipated. He delivers a set speech on how the Gord "isn't fit for the job" after six months of his premiership has seen Britain suffer from the Ten Plagues of Labour including (but not exclusively) Northern Rock, assorted pestilence in livestock, and now the party funding stuff. Brown: "yeah, but your lot were worse. So ner!"

12:10PM: Kali Mountford attempts a "gag" on windfarms involving "hot air" (from the Opposition. Geddit? Oh never mind), and is followed by Vince Cable who - with gravitas - informs us all that Brown has gone from being Stalin to being Mr Bean. Apparently the question is actually to do with the armed services, but the substance kinda got lost in the hilarity.

12:13PM: The Building Schools for the Future programme is given a plug by Adrian Bailey, who wants an assurance that the allocated money will not be shunted elsewhere. Brown: "er ... The Tories might want to think n that."

12:15PM: Eric Illsley is outraged about supermarkets selling alcohol at the cost of production and wants the Gord to condemn the practice. Brown said that last week they held a seminar on the problem and is publishing a paper in the next few weeks. Can't wait.

12:16PM: Michael Ancram wonders why the Labour Party is so keen to keep Brown in the dark about stuff that is quite important actually. Brown mumbles about doing the right thing and takes a nice one from Natascha Engel about yoof aspiration.

12:19PM: Sir Peter Tapsell: "I would like to know whether the Pwime Minister wegards the current ..." and it goes on to conclude (eventually) with a query as to whether Brown plans to carry on as leader or he is to pass the flame (arf!) on to his "charming deputy"? The Gord answers it really well, actually; says that Tapsell had always been nice to him hitherto but they were both agreed that the PM role was an important one and he (Brown) pledged to do it to the best of his ability.

12:22PM: Andrew George (a LibDem) asks a question about home building but the House is transfixed by the fact that his style hero appears to be the Face-Man.

12:24PM: In response to a question from John Gummer (whose finest political hour was feeding his toddler daughter a beefburger at the height of the BSE crisis for the benefits of the camera. A chap of integrity) on why anyone should believe anything the PM says after the Election That Wasn't and everything subsequently. The Gord: "because I know what's best for the country." Jesus. Someone in Number Ten needs to hide the Rousseau before he starts declaring himself the Great Legislator during Commons statements.

12:26PM: Anne Begg on health and safety but we missed the most part of it.

12:28PM: Ken Purchase bowls an easy one and - surprise! - gets the words "Lord Ashcroft" in there. Go on, Ken! The Gord answers in support of a big review into party funding or something.

12:29PM: Somebody (we missed who, sorry) asks for clarification on Harriet's role in recent proceedings. To jeers from the other side Brown goes through it all again.

12:30PM: Barry Sheerman asks a question on education, allowing the Gord to announce (another) review into the issue and repeat his soundbite "education for the many not the few" for the second time in half an hour. And that's it.