Let Them Eat Chips

The Government hit back today at fat tongued mockney Jamie Oliver, over his claims that bungling from Number Ten is responsible for the fall in take-up of the new school menus.

"The fact is that eight year olds are less interested in organic wild mushrooms on a bed of penne than they are with burger and chips," explained an expert from the Department of Health. "What can we say? His food's a bit crap and the kids don't like it so they're not eating it."

However, Health Secretary Alan Johnson said that he was taking Mr Oliver's concerns seriously.

"Having announced a package of measures over the last few weeks - including writing to parents to inform them that their kid is a fat bastard and banning fun because it leads to cancer - we're investing in research into developing a powerful Mind Ray Gun. This, when directed at one of the little pie-munching lardarses, will trick them into thinking that Jamie's food is preferable and the beauty is that it doesn't even require the parents to actually take some responsibility for their child's health. It's like the Clockwork Orange, except with less sex and violence and more risotto."

Jamie Oliver said: "look at me! I'm on the telly!"

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 2 Nov 2007 11:30 AM. Permalink