"I go away for a couple of days ..."

Imagine the scene. You're a Prime Minister who has to leave the country to partake of tea, cucumber sandwiches, and pointless diplomacy with Brenda in Africa for a week. You leave a "to do" list pinned to the fridge, a list of emergency numbers by the phone, and stress to Alan Johnson that Ed Miliband isn't allowed orange Smarties or to stay up after 9pm. Nothing can possibly go wrong, you think as you pick up your Expedition Strength mosquito guard, your Lonely Planet guide and head for the airport.

A few days later you come back to find:

You've divebombed in the polls;
There's a largely incomprehensible scandal regarding one of your donors in full swing. The details maybe hazy, but it's clear it's not good;
It's come to light that another wanker's posted out another CD, this time full of the names and addresses of pretty much all of the judiciary. However, the disk did arrive this time and it was nearly two years ago, but still;
The Boy Cameron's hair is looking silkier and more winsome than ever;
The future of Northern Rock (not to mention the economy) is still looking shaky in spite of an offer from St Richard of Branson;
Mike Smithson of Political Betting's contemplating putting a fiver on your not being PM come the next election;
Jackie Ashley's demanding that you, er, start behaving like a real man. Kinky.