What's Hot, What's Not. This week, anyway

Okay kids, there's been a certain confusion over what the policy is on certain issues this week, so allow Westmonster to clear up any confusion.

School funds clawback: This is NOT on the immediate agenda in spite of a large number of malicious rumours (probably spread by the Conservative Party, damn their eyes) around last week that the Government were planning to take back the estimated £1.7bn unspent funds left in school bank accounts.

Pay-as-you-throw rubbish policy: The policy proposal to charge residents according to how much landfill waste they produce was dogged by accusations of so-called U-turns a few days ago (again, probably spread by the Conservatives) which were widely covered in the Feral Media. Look into Westmonster's eyes and concentrate on her shiny pocket-watch: there never was any change in policy.

Capital gains tax: A nasty rumour that the Eyebrow was planning to make unpopular changes to the capital gains tax (suspicion, once again, falls on the Conservatives) has been resolutely scotched by the Government.

The war: We were always at war with Eurasia. Sorry, Iraq, we meant Iraq.