The quacks rush in

Secondly, does anybody actually believe that Cameron just happened to leave his prompt cards lying around? "Oh cripes, George, you'll never guess, I've only gone and left my pissing notebook in the middle of the pissing press room under the noses of a couple of friendly journalists with a sticky-note saying 'I wonder what a writing expert would make of this? Eh? Eh?' Oh woe. What shall I do."

Naturally, the papers are already full of analysis of Cameron's character based on his script. Apparently, his bullet points on economic regeneration can tell us everything about him, from whether he likes his eggs hard or runny to how good his relationship is with his mother.

A similar study was done on the Gord's writing last November, when he chucked his Order Paper across the dispatch box at George Osborne. An entirely reliable report was done on his writing by a psychologist employed by the Opposition, who concluded that Brown smelt, liked torching cute puppies, and because he underlined something, was probably a psychopath.

We're not saying it wasn't a good speech, but the smell in the Westmonster nostrils at this piece of evidence that "proves" that Dave is a jolly good chap who should be the Prime Minister is very similar to that which can be experienced when walking through a field of male cows. If you get our drift.