Killer attack of the mid-life crisis

Most of us deal with the menopause by accepting that Hollyoaks is going to feature heavily in our lives henceforth, or developing a none-too-healthy interest in the career of Billie Piper.

Not the Telegraph hacks, oh no.

From the paper that brought you such headlines as "Odour of breastfeeding 'arouses other women'" and "Man who had sex with bike in court," the Telegraph is proud to present:

"Half naked 'wolf man' sparks police tree alert."