Points, In Order

Handbagging at 4pm

BONG! The LibDem leadership contest is officially ON! Nominations closed at 4pm today and the unseemly bitchslapping between the only two candidates commenced almost immediately. Nicky Clegg gave an interview to the Telegraph outlining how Chris Huhne is a receding hairline away from being exactly like David Cameron, whilst Huhne contended that his advanced… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 31 Oct 2007 7:29 PM. Permalink

News from the United Federation of Muesli Knitters

Top Trumps: LibDem leadership edition

Well, it's gone 4pm and nominations have just closed for the position of Liberal Democrat leader. Unless RecessMonkey gets his wish and there's been a last minute flurry of support for Prince Vultan of the Hawkmen, it looks like it's going to a two-horse race between Nicky Clegg and Chris… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 31 Oct 2007 4:01 PM. Permalink

Ways and Means Corridor

Fisking the Minority Report

The Science and Technology Committee has completed its report on abortion and has rejected calls to reduce the legal limit from 24 weeks. You see, the clue's in the name, people. It's the Science and Technology Committee, not the Moral Committee for the Proliferation of My Personally Held View Which I Demand Assumes the… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 31 Oct 2007 2:57 PM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Ministry For Finger Pointing

Let's Talk About Party Funding, Baby

Christ on a bike, Westmonster thought she was the only one embracing the hot flushes associated with onset of the menopause, but it seems as Francis Maude can't keep his mind off The Sex for a single second, even when discussing the breakdown of the party funding talks: We are disappointed… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 31 Oct 2007 12:55 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Things We'd Like To Know

What's Hot, What's Not. This week, anyway

Okay kids, there's been a certain confusion over what the policy is on certain issues this week, so allow Westmonster to clear up any confusion. School funds clawback: This is NOT on the immediate agenda in spite of a large number of malicious rumours (probably spread by the Conservative Party, damn… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 31 Oct 2007 11:12 AM. Permalink

News from the Carlton Club

Denial: not a river in Egypt

Guido's got the image of the Tory attack poster which is all, "we WANTED an election, but the Gord chickened out like a wuss. We were well up for it, though, the lousy bottler." Given that the Conservatives were the last people who actually wanted an election when it was… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 31 Oct 2007 9:30 AM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Happy Halloween!

If this doesn't scare you nothing will: final proof that Rudy Giuliani does actually eat babies. Fact. The LibDems' poll ratings are improving - they are up four on 18% according to an ICM poll for the Guardian. Bad news for the comrades, though: down one on 35, whilst the… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 31 Oct 2007 7:58 AM. Permalink

Points, In Order

Cross-dressing for success

BONG! News from our American cousins first, and Olly's Onions has this report on Republican Presidential hopeful Rudy Giuliani which ... er ... okay, so we just wanted an excuse to put up a picture of him decked out like a whore's lampshade. Whaddya gonna do? BONG! Wonkette uncovers an alarming image… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 30 Oct 2007 6:22 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Madness

Some of my best friends are one-legged Lithuanian dancers

Friends close to Westmonster (ahem) at college used to refer to a tasteless joke that fell flat as a "floater" - it would linger in the pan for days after it had been issued, refusing to go away, and would remain there to wink at you malevolently every time you tried… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 30 Oct 2007 3:57 PM. Permalink

News from the Carlton Club

Michael Gove: cuddling the Gord to death

Cover your ears people, Matty D'Ancona is having a Michael Gove related orgasm! As I predicted yesterday, Michael Gove’s speech to the Bow Group this morning was a belter: as trenchant and subtle an analysis of Gordon Brown’s politics as any Tory politician has yet made. Ahhhhhhh...and he's done. Right,… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 30 Oct 2007 2:05 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Madness

Parliament Towers

Sadly Conservative MP Nadine Dorries hasn't updated her superb blog since a gossip-piece in the Independent inferred (in the wonderful words of Unity) that she'd "been at the horizontal mambo" with ConservativeHome's Tim Montgomerie. For this reason, perhaps, her regular commentators - starved of news of her "white, lacy" knickers or… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 30 Oct 2007 12:45 PM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

News from the Carlton Club

My Parliamentary Representation Don't Cost A Thing (not)

Quick! Somebody get David Cameron a flat cap, a couple of whippets and a Tony Benn-style pipe because he's talking about curbing MPs expenses, and if the taxpayer were to stop funding his party's shenanigans then he may well be reduced to this indignity. In an article for the Telegraph,… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 30 Oct 2007 11:35 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Inducing Daily Mail Apoplexy

Calculators still on order at DWP

Smoooooth timing from the Department for Work and Pensions. So the Boy Davy's been getting plaudits for his euphemistic stylings around the immigration issue: "it's not about curbing immigration, it's about restricting excessive demographic change." Yeah right - you say tomato... The media's getting all moist about the issue, Government's on… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 30 Oct 2007 11:07 AM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Polls, kings, and flouncing

Polling horror alert! Today's ComRes poll for the Independent has Dave on eight points ahead of the Gord on 41, and the Liberals up one on 16. Analysis from the UK Pollling Report here. The Guardian gets hot under the collar at the visit of Saudi leader King Abdullah,… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 30 Oct 2007 7:36 AM. Permalink

Points, In Order

An Audience with Arnie

BONG! Partly because (a) it's a novel approach to the age-old problem of how a politician deals with (alleged) former drug misuse but; (b) mainly because no website can have too many pictures of Arnie, this is well worth a look. BONG! Still not enough Arnie in your life? Try this: Arnie… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 29 Oct 2007 6:25 PM. There are 2 comments so far. Permalink

Department for Expanding the British Museum

Saudi Arabia: our shared values?

Westmonster cannot help but admire the grit of Saudi leader, King Abdullah. In spite of the news that whatshisname from the Liberal Democrats had refused to swap pleasantries with him over canapes, somehow His Highness has managed to summon up the inner-steel to carry on with his British visit in… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 29 Oct 2007 4:57 PM. There are 3 comments so far. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Killer attack of the mid-life crisis

Most of us deal with the menopause by accepting that Hollyoaks is going to feature heavily in our lives henceforth, or developing a none-too-healthy interest in the career of Billie Piper. Not the Telegraph hacks, oh no. From the paper that brought you such headlines as "Odour of breastfeeding 'arouses… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 29 Oct 2007 4:00 PM. Permalink

News from the Carlton Club

Immigration: who ya gonna call?

David Cameron's plan to turn Britain into a slightly larger version of Royston Vasey continues apace with the news that he proposes to cap immigration, and station angry locals on the white cliffs of Dover to dissuade any of dem forrun people from besmirching England's green and pleasant land with… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 29 Oct 2007 3:10 PM. Permalink

Our Friends North of the Border

West Lothian Question part the IX

Nick Robinson's somewhat confused at the proposals mooted by Sir Malcolm Rifkind to drive the Scots out of Parliament with torches and pitchforks give more adequate representation to MPs representing English constituencies. "Wouldn't this proposal, if it were in operation now, mean that Gordon Brown had no Commons majority for Labour's… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 29 Oct 2007 2:00 PM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Don't Look Ethel!

Cherie Booth: asking for it on CiF

There's plenty Westmonster likes about Cherie Booth - not least her delightful habit of inducing mild apoplexy in commentators from our more right-wing organs of record who reckon that the job of a woman in public life is to remain silent, be fruity at all times, and not have a… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 29 Oct 2007 10:34 AM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

A dubious ally?

Vince Cable sets his stall out on why he's going to be boycotting the visit of the Saudi king. This article's headline ("Vince Cable: a dubious ally who devalues our government") promised much, but it turns out the piece is by Vince rather than about him so was ultimately… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 29 Oct 2007 8:49 AM. Permalink

Points, In Order

A wee problem

BONG! And the big news that's moistening up the Telegraph team is the announcement that Davy wants to declare Scotland part of the Axis of Evil. We're shaky on the details but we're guessing that it's a firm policy proposal to deal with these Scottish people who are taking our money,… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 28 Oct 2007 5:35 PM. Permalink

Behind the Terrace curtain

Con Air: the Tag Team

Following on from Westmonster's post yesterday on Flying Lion and its apparent desire to jet members of the Conservative front bench around the world in the luxury to which they are doubtless entitled, Political Penguin has picked up the baton and done some top-quality sleuthing. Yesterday we were unsure as to… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 28 Oct 2007 11:49 AM. There are 4 comments so far. Permalink

Department for Kite Flying

Dave to Scotland: ‘Drop dead.’

The main story seems to be the Observer's front page which outlines the Conservative and Unionist Party's plans to strip Scottish politicians of the right to vote on English laws. Guess what folks? The Gord is, like, Scottish! OMG! This devilishly cunning and subtle plan is being spearheaded by Sir Malcolm Rifkind… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 28 Oct 2007 11:23 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Administrative Affairs

Quick! Before anybody sees

Not much going on this week folks: the House is prorogued on Tuesday, after which everyone empties out until the Queen's Speech on 6th November. Full agenda here, and highlights (such as they are) below: Oral PQs Monday: Culture, Media, and Sport; Olympics; Church Commissioners; Public Accounts Commission; Speaker's Committee… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 28 Oct 2007 10:14 AM. Permalink

Behind the Terrace curtain

Con Air

While Iain Dale is otherwise engaged in polishing the halo of St Michael of Ashcroft, may I direct readers to this interesting story... Earlier in the week Tom Watson asked what was known about a company called Flying Lion, which appears to be registered in Bermuda, and which seems to have a… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 27 Oct 2007 6:27 PM. There are 4 comments so far. Permalink

Points, In Order

Rock stars, liberty, and letting go

BONG! Martin Kettle with an article On Liberty. BONG! The SNP blame everything on Westminster at their annual conference, but don't spend time investigating their imminent financial collapse - look over here at this nice new shiny gimmick policy proposal! BONG! Keith Richards campaigns in Chichester over the provision of… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 27 Oct 2007 5:27 PM. Permalink

Our Friends North of the Border

Alex Salmond: The Garbage Man Can't?

Because political discourse can never have too many Simpsons analogies, allow Westmonster to draw her readers' attentions to this episode where Homer decides to run for the position of Sanitation Commissioner. He wins a landslide, under the slogan "Can't Someone Else Do It?" and a manifesto commitment that his garbage men will… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 27 Oct 2007 12:50 PM. Permalink

That Was The Week That Was

Things can only get better (they can't get much worse)

The Gord's woes were many at the beginning of the week, and by the end they were legion. A particularly irritating leit motif for Brown was the fact that Anthony Seldon's new book on Blair hit the shelves over the weekend, so the PM's parade was further rained upon by various reminiscences of… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 27 Oct 2007 12:47 PM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Points, In Order

Sexport and sleaze

BONG! Guido on Lord Hoyle's dodgy little earner. All together now: Labour sleaze! Sotto voce: and the Tories don't come out of it unscathed either. BONG! Stop the presses! As if the news that Paddy Ashdown (who's got to the stage that all politicians reach eventually: he's started believing his own… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 26 Oct 2007 6:26 PM. Permalink

Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Telegraph: fighting the male menopause

Which is more disturbing: the fact that a man tried to do The Sex with a bike? The fact that he was put on the Sex Offenders Register for it? Or that everyone at the Telegraph seems to be going through some sort of perve-tastic mid-life crisis? Vote now.… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 26 Oct 2007 2:45 PM. Permalink

Our American Cousins

One million strong on Facebook

It's a Friday afternoon, neither the Lords nor the Commons are sitting, so...let's all mince around on Facebook! Woohoo! And let's link it tangentially to politics. Audience: Boooo! Anyway, the fastest growing Facebook groups are those that are linked in with the American Presidential race, with the groups One Million Strong… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 26 Oct 2007 2:13 PM. Permalink

Our American Cousins

Don't fight it, Dick

A big thumbs up from everyone here at Westmonster to Vice President Dick Cheney who - rather like a horse - seems to have the enviable knack of being able settle down for a wee kip pretty much anywhere. Even during a briefing on the Californian wildfires. Whilst sat directly… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 26 Oct 2007 11:42 AM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Gord goes into the red

Bad news for Brown comes with the latest YouGov poll for the Telegraph. The Tories are on 41, Labour 38, and the LibDems on 11 - exactly the same figures as their last poll. The Gord's personal rating is down to negative figures, the Boy Davy is back in… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 26 Oct 2007 9:12 AM. Permalink

Points, In Order

On Liberty (and what it costs)

BONG! Brown's speech on liberty has generated much comment. Sunny asks why we just can't have a codified constitution, Peter Kenyon queries whether he should practice what he preaches with regard to the Labour Party, and Boulton and Co. aren't that impressed. No pleasing some people, eh? BONG! MPs' expenses… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 25 Oct 2007 6:00 PM. Permalink

Climbing The Greasy Pole

Tony gets his own big tent

News from the Spectator that Blair - jealous of images of the Gord fondling Maggie over the threshold of Number 10 - has decided to do some Tory Molestation of his own. Blair wants to meet Cameron to "brief him on the Middle East" apparently. Yeah yeah, that's what they all say. … read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 25 Oct 2007 4:00 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Madness

Unholy Alliance

Question: What is wrong with this? Answer: The terrible constellation of the words Peter "I am a Green candidate you know" Tatchell, Henry "police state" Porter, and "assualt on civil liberties." It begins with Tatchell asking Porter whether he believes that we're witnessing the biggest peace time assault on civil… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 25 Oct 2007 2:11 PM. Permalink

News From The Big Tent

Overcrowding in the Big Tent?

Not yet fully recovered from the Gord inviting Comrade Digby to his birthday party and then scenes of flirtation with the Mistress of Darkness, the comrades will presumably be gloomy to discover another unholy camel has been invited into the Brown tent: Daily Mail chief Paul Dacre. Dacre is charged with reviewing… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 25 Oct 2007 1:48 PM. Permalink

Climbing The Greasy Pole

An appeal for Luddism

Hmmm, the news that MPs are now allowed to check their emails in the Chamber has had a mixed reaction amongst House of Commons staffers, for a politician with interweb skills is a rare breed indeed and the rest should be closely supervised at all times. The thought of allowing Members… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 25 Oct 2007 11:40 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Madness

Campaign to protect Bojo's jellies

Cripes! Serious London Mayoral candidate Boris Johnson has seen the oppressive hand of the Orwellian European Superstate™ reaching in the direction of his homemade jellies and preserves. Run, Bojo! Run!… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 25 Oct 2007 10:55 AM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Thursday sing-along

The Government plan to claw-back funds from state schools has been shelved after bad publicity consultation with key stakeholders. Remember folks, even if 100 schools had said they thought the policy was a good one, the Gord would still not have gone ahead with it. Lorely Burt is the… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 25 Oct 2007 8:49 AM. Permalink

Points, In Order

Admonishments, elephant traps and kalashnikovs

BONG! Brown's "intemperate" language is the subject of much comment, along with the plight of wee Dougie, and Ian Austin getting sent to stand outside the headteacher's office and think about what he's done. Again. BONG! With the news that Parliament has to relocate temporarily (whilst someone replaces the bucket… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 24 Oct 2007 5:15 PM. Permalink

Climbing The Greasy Pole

Annual MPs' Allowance trauma

The annual publishing of MPs' allowance expenditure is always a tiresome one for Parliamentary staff. The meedja (who should and do actually know better) and the blogosphere tend to throw around terms like "pocketing," or infer that our elected representatives have spent the lot on fine wines, hookers, dancing girls, and good times.… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 24 Oct 2007 3:43 PM. Permalink

Our Friends North of the Border

A bad day for Dougie

Oh dear. It looks like wee Dougie Alexander is in trouble again. Less than a month after he (along with Balls and Miliband the Even Younger) was fingered for Chickengate, the Gould report highlights a "notable level of party self-interest in Ministerial decision making" which contributed to the disenfranchising of thousands of Scottish… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 24 Oct 2007 2:26 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Paper Waving

LIVE!: PMQs, 24/10/07

This week at PMQs we were treated to the sight of the Gord under fire over the report into the Scottish election fiasco, Cameron changed his strategy and split up his questions leading to an outbreak of stuttering from the PM around twenty minutes in, Michael Martin fought an ultimately pointless battle to… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 24 Oct 2007 11:43 AM. Permalink

October 2007 Archives