Points, In Order

Murder on the Dancefloor

BONG! The Spectator Coffeehouse reports that Cameron's crowbarring in the big names - Bojo and Hezza so far - as quickly as possible into the Colosseum. The plan is to entertain the crowd as much as possible in order that its collective mind is diverted away from thoughts of bloody assassination.… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 30 Sep 2007 5:35 PM. Permalink

Don't Look Ethel!

Focus grouping internet wrongmos

With Hague's stern warning to Conservative Conference that they better bloody behave themselves or he'll set Widdy on them comes the timely reminder that the Tories might actually pull themselves together to such an extent that even if Gord decides to go for it, victory for the comrades is… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 30 Sep 2007 4:42 PM. Permalink

News from the Carlton Club

Hague hugs Tory Conference

The initial signs augured ill. William Hague, in the warm-up opening slot at the Conservative Party Conference, started with a slightly strangled attempt to demonstrate that the Tories have an electoral presence beyond the Watford Gap Service station. "They said we wouldn't get any seats in the north! What do they… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 30 Sep 2007 11:46 AM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Dave to Gord: "Go ahead, make my day."

Cameron is all "bring it on Gordon!" this morning, claiming he would welcome an early election. If yesterday's polling is to be believed, this would indicate he's either mad, delusional, a combination of both or in a position where he can't squeal: "for the love of God, no!" which… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 30 Sep 2007 10:07 AM. Permalink

Ministry for Madness

Sanity down the toilet

The democratisation of the media has had many positive benefits. No longer must we hear balanced opinion from experts and be forced to listen to opinions we don't agree with. No sirree, in the bright new dawn of the twenty-first century, where t'interweb is king, any bloke with a blog… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 29 Sep 2007 5:14 PM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

A bad morning in Blackpool

Bad news for the Tories today as they wend their weary way up to Blackpool for their annual Conference: a YouGov poll for the Telegraph shows that Brown is maintaining his 11 point lead over Cameron. Still, as the front page splash was placed next to a picture of… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 29 Sep 2007 11:17 AM. Permalink

Points, In Order

Photoshopping, gents' mags and John Bercow

BONG! In the unlikely event that Westmonster ever gets invited to a photoshoot, the words "PhotoShop me up, baby" will be very much in evidence. Poor James Purnell MP, however has learnt the bitter lesson that such technological wizardry should be left to the professionals. BONG! Shrumgate, in all… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 28 Sep 2007 8:46 PM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Out on the Stump

Salmond vs Brown: the smackdown

There's a story over at Iain Dale's about how Alex Salmond is considering standing against the Gord, should he call a snap election. Iain's unsure as to whether this is an advisable course of action, as it might undermine the standing of a "serious statesman" and is a tactic more suited… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 28 Sep 2007 2:09 PM. Permalink

Behind the Terrace curtain

Dave's Conference gamble

What to do if you are a leader wanting to make sure your party toes the line at Conference? Gord had the right idea: go in early, fast, and hard. Everybody knows that the leader's speech is what all the journos are staying around for - Westmonster couldn't move… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 28 Sep 2007 12:04 PM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Global equality, knickers, and handpuppets

Westmonster is currently watching the bloke from YouGov trying to explain to whichever fruity blonde is doing the morning slot on News 24 that the results from yesterday's council by-elections cannot be extrapolated to give the Tories a lead, should a general election be called tomorrow. The poor pollster has… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 28 Sep 2007 9:13 AM. Permalink

A Wee Problem

Poll dancing in Scotland

The single most compelling argument against a snap election.… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 27 Sep 2007 11:01 PM. Permalink

Points, In Order

Carpet baggers, and getting dahn wiv da yoof

BONG! Louise Bagshawe (pictured. The one on the left, people) had an attempt at wit earlier that has been treated to a blast of icy air over at Chris Paul. BONG! A Comment Central piece on Barack Obama's attempt to get hip with the kidz. Let it be written… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 27 Sep 2007 9:32 PM. Permalink

MPs: Working Hard... For YOU!

Boris of all trades, potentially master of none

Bojo's selection as the Tories' candidate for the London mayoralty could prove to be more trouble than it's worth for the blond-haired bumbler. Not only has he, an ex-Eton posho, got to persuade the residents in London not to be fooled by the rocks he's got (he's still Boris from… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 27 Sep 2007 7:13 PM. Permalink

Behind the Terrace curtain

Lies, damned lies, and opinion polls?

As Ladbrokes stop taking bets on an autumn election and Hazel Blears is already tiring her Cabinet colleagues out with her relentless enthusiasm for the the idea, it looks like Brown's popularity with the public has never been more orgasmic. Following the recent YouGov poll that put Labour 11 points ahead, party… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 27 Sep 2007 3:29 PM. Permalink

Climbing The Greasy Pole

Conference Snorker Watch

Labour Party Conference is not noted for doing much for the Westmonster rotundity, and 2007 was no exception. Those delegates who have made it through to this, the final, day are looking decidedly hungover, weary, and in many cases constipated. Those of us who attempted the Conference Challenge - that… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 27 Sep 2007 11:27 AM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Blondes, thugs and dark corners in the big tent

Gorgeous pouting blonde, Boris Johnson wins Tory nomination for the mayoralty. Even given that all political careers end in failure, it looks like Bojo's might conclude sooner than expected. George Osbourne backtracks. Jack Straw outlines plans to introduce the Loitering Youths And Suspicious Young Hoodies (Summary Execution by Have-A-Go… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 27 Sep 2007 10:43 AM. Permalink

Points, In Order

Et tu, George?

BONG! Was it only a matter of time before young Jedi George Osbourne got the jitters about the Cameroon agenda and made moves towards the dark side of the Force? Fraser Nelson's Spectator article tomorrow will be well worth a read. In the meantime there's more on the Ben Brogan… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 26 Sep 2007 6:40 PM. Permalink

Don't Look Ethel!

Vox popped at the Beeb

With speculation about the election reaching fever pitch, blogs predicting astonishing outcomes, and opinion divided as to whether a snap poll would be a good thing, Westmonster decided to Listen To The People and What They Think of Gordon Brown.And given that we're not going to do any actual,… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 26 Sep 2007 3:17 PM. Permalink

News From The Big Tent

What would Mariella do?

Is anyone else watching the Q&A session with Gord chaired by Mariella Frostrup? Despite the almost heroic efforts of Brown, it's proving to be an immense struggle for him to manage to get a word in edgeways. We do now, however, know quite a lot about The Life and… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 26 Sep 2007 3:03 PM. Permalink

Behind the Terrace curtain

Feeling lucky, punk?

Here we go again: file this one under "boring but important," folks. With the news that the comrades are eleven points ahead (according to a recent YouGov poll) the speculation about an autumn election points more to probability than possibility. It seems to be accepted wisdom that the Gord… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 26 Sep 2007 12:02 PM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Conference wagon rolls on

A YouGov poll has put the comrades on 44, eleven points ahead of the Tories who are flatlining on 33. The LibDems, however, are down three on 13. It tolls for thee, Ming. Peter Riddell takes a punt on an autumn election being held on either 1st or 8th… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 26 Sep 2007 11:00 AM. Permalink

Points, In Order

Pre-Campbell insania

BONG! Westmonster is off to perv at listen to the musings of Alistair Campbell in an hour, so it's gonna be an early roundup, kids. Priorities and all, ya know? BONG! Spotted earlier was Labour MP Parmjit Dhanda wearing quite the loudest suit (maroon with brown tie) seen so far… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 25 Sep 2007 4:59 PM. Permalink

Our American Cousins

Chasing the cash cow

There are plenty of things that seem like a good idea at the time, including dressing up as the Queen Mum, shagging anything that stands still long enough (allegedly), and allowing it to slip out that even your family refuse to state in public that they're are going to… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 25 Sep 2007 3:47 PM. Permalink

A Wee Problem

Dreams down the toilet

Gossip of a Scottish nature has just reached Westmonster's ears. Apparently a lot of Scottish grandees were distressed at the amount of time it took to appoint Wendy Alexander's opposition team when she became leader. They waited by their phones in increasing irritation and then phoned each other for… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 25 Sep 2007 1:05 PM. Permalink

News From The Big Tent

Isn't he the dreamiest?

Judging from the number of ladies-of-a-certain-age walking past the Westmonster pitch as Conference breaks for lunch, it would seem that young master Miliband has quite a following amongst the female delegates. Next time he has to make a speech like that, maybe he could liven it up by flirting with… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 25 Sep 2007 12:55 PM. Permalink

News From The Big Tent

Someone to watch over me

There's a palpable sense here that, given Brown made his keynote speech yesterday, Conference is all over bar the shouting. Nevertheless, this hasn't stopped Gord making his presence felt. As Johnson delivered his address to Conference this morning, Brown sat stony-faced behind him like a terrifyingly corporeal Banquo's ghost. Conscious, perhaps,… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 25 Sep 2007 12:42 PM. Permalink

Climbing The Greasy Pole

Fringe Benn-efits

A big thumbs up from everybody at Westmonster following the news that a seventeen year old schoolgirl has been selected as a PPC. According to the website: ...she already has enviable political and campaigning experience, and a profound commitment to the values and traditions of the Labour movement. Her name?… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 25 Sep 2007 12:03 PM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Making a clean breast of it

Political betting on the newspapers' reaction to the address of Gord, in which Westmonster senses a tremor in the Force. Is the Sun's love-in with Labour coming to an end? Speaking of the Sun, this doughty defender of national sovereignty took its campaign to Bournemouth yesterday. The message: we want a referendum!… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 25 Sep 2007 10:55 AM. Permalink

News From The Big Tent

Children! Children! Future! Future!

Wesmonster assumes that Brown has headed for the bunker to have a look at what the laydeez and gentlemen of the meedja are saying about his Conference speech and how it's playing in the country, and so shall we. In terms of the comrades, after ten years of Blair, Brown… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 24 Sep 2007 6:19 PM. Permalink

News From The Big Tent

Erm... Just Venting

After an early tussle to bag a seat in front of the TV in preparation for the Address of the Gord, your action news reporter realised that she had left her Conference guide up the hill in the Mariott. Legging it up the hill in a force eight gale, Westmonster… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 24 Sep 2007 3:29 PM. Permalink

News From The Big Tent

LIVE: Gordon Speaks

Westmonster provided live coverage of Gordon Brown's speech to the Labour Party Conference. The transcript appears below: 2:14 PM: A minute to go by Westmonster's reckoning until Gord makes his triumphant entrance into the Conference Hall. Everybody is clustered around TV screens, waiting, and trying not to be bored by… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 24 Sep 2007 2:00 PM. Permalink

News From The Big Tent

Question and Answer Insania

The assembled masses who had battled with the hangover to attend the Question and Answer session with Hazel Blears, Harriet "I Am A Woman" Harman, and James Purnell were treated to a debacle that would have had David Dimbleby wincing. For starters, whether Keith Vaz, who was chairing the… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 24 Sep 2007 1:01 PM. Permalink

News From The Big Tent

You Can't Handle The Truth

Tory defector Quentin Davies (pictured) has just drawn a small crowd around the TV as he delivered a resounding bitch-slap to former boss David Cameron. Party members looked like they were undecided as to what facial expression it was appropriate to wear as Quentin - clearly prepared to have a stiff… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 24 Sep 2007 12:22 PM. Permalink

Behind the Terrace curtain

News from Cameron's Conservatives

The Times has a story about "Handy Andy" Pelling, whose recent alleged antics have failed to impress the Tory high command. According to the article, the Conservative leadership has distanced itself from the MP, presumably with the intention of sending a signal to the local party that it would… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 24 Sep 2007 10:51 AM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Waiting for Gord

The day of Brown's first Conference speech as PM: journalists spend the early hours hoping that if they roar "areyergonnacallanelection?" at unexpected junctures during the morning interviews, it might startle him into letting slip some sort of definite answer. Labour ahead on 42, Conservatives and LibDems each down two at 34… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 24 Sep 2007 10:20 AM. Permalink

Points, In Order

A Safe Pair of Eyebrows

BONG! Alistair Darling says that everything is nice. BONG! The excellent Spectator blog nails the internal dichotomy of the Broon. BONG! The Gord doesn't rule out a snap poll. And this is news...how? BONG! Labour at highest ratings EVAH this parliament (or, at least since the Boy Cameron was put in charge… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 23 Sep 2007 11:21 PM. Permalink

News From The Big Tent

Ambitious Young Berks A-Go-Go

As the Conference meets in Bournemouth, Westmonster is keenly conscious of the fact that some of the conversations she has overheard contain sentiments that probably weren't at the forefront of the movement's founding fathers one hundred years ago. Maybe it's due to old age and the consequent grumpiness, but your… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 23 Sep 2007 12:45 PM. Permalink

Ministry for Madness

Carry On Up The Council!

Iain Dale has a tantalising take on the reasons behind the 17.5 percent swing against the Tories in the Worcester by-election last week (covered by Westmonster, inter alia, here). It would seem that the lady candidate Lisa Ventura runs a website selling...er...tools for erotic enhancement (link not work-safe) to women, a venture… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 23 Sep 2007 12:32 PM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

Greetings from the land t'interweb forgot

Day two of the Labour Party Conference and the WiFi still isn't working. Anyone surprised? Anyone? Last night LBGT (which stands for "Les/Bi/Gay/Trans," fact fans) Labour held a reception at which the oft-heard female lament of "Where are all the decent men?" was comprehensively answered. Newly-selected PPC Stephen Twigg… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 23 Sep 2007 12:05 PM. Permalink

News From The Big Tent

Party like it's 1918, baby!

"So who have you seen so far?" asked one TV newsman to another certain well-known reporter. "Only Tommy Two-Dinners and the usual array of MPs who expect to be here at this time." First day of the Labour Party Conference in Bournemouth: the stalls are still being set out, there… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 22 Sep 2007 7:25 PM. There are 2 comments so far. Permalink

News From The Big Tent

LabourHome-less

Literally been walking up and down hills for miles trying to find a wi-fi connection. Westmonster was assured the entire exhibition centre would be covered end-to-end with wireless. Needless to say we we're just venting here, but sometimes it seems the Labour Party can't set anything up adequately other than… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 22 Sep 2007 5:36 PM. Permalink

While You Were Sleeping

The new democracy, worried Tories, and lady-bits

Trade unions set to utilise their bloc vote over public sector pay: the last time that they can use this method of holding the Labour executive to account. After the, er, reforms to party structure go through next week, the composite motion will be a thing of the past. Worry ye… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 22 Sep 2007 8:53 AM. Permalink

Points, In Order

Modernity and its Merits

BONG! This is as close as as politics gets to an episode of Hollyoaks: fomer Uzbekistan ambassador Craig Murray said some nasty things about the Uzbek bloke who's trying to buy Arsenal FC (bear with me here) who gets his lawyers to, er, take out Mr Murray's website, and, in… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 21 Sep 2007 9:38 PM. There are 1 comments so far. Permalink

Behind the Terrace curtain

Ming: the post-mortem

Of his speech, people. Jeez. The polls recently - not to mention the enthusiastic presence of certain pretenders to the throne - can't have given Campbell much to smile about, although Lord knows he was trying his darndest to crack his face into the required rictus yesterday.His pitch to retain… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 21 Sep 2007 4:47 PM. Permalink

Department for Expanding the British Museum

Shock episode of Newsnight!

News reaches Westmonster that the Fabian Society in association with Newsnight will be hosting a special debate at Labour Party Conference set to be broadcast next Tuesday on...have a guess...go on...yup: Iraq. Quelle surprise. The troops may be pulling out, but the Beeb offensive goes on.… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 21 Sep 2007 2:09 PM. Permalink

News From The Big Tent

Manifesto While U Wait?

Rumours continue apace about the possibility (probability?) of a snap general election to be called for 25th October. P'raps Gord's just trying to give Cameron the willies in advance of his Conference next week; as soon as the words "snap poll" are uttered there is a Serengeti-style stampede of… read more…

Written by Lloyd Shepherd on 21 Sep 2007 11:44 AM. Permalink

September 2007 Archives