Ministry for Insobriety

Alcohol may be banned nationally...

beer.jpgHere at Westmonster we like alcohol. We can think of few things better than the languid conversation that it inspires, or the afternoons that we've wasted in beer gardens amongst the beer redolent spillage of our more inebriated friends and their cigarette smoke. And what about that special rummy brand of halitosis? Would summer really be summer without it?


Sometimes we even like drinking in public. Few things are more refined than a refreshing can of Special Brew down at the bus stop. Or what about a discount bottle of Tesco's red under the pale moonlight? Drunken contemplation of some graffiti-clad park bench to remind you that you're truly living, that Judy is a fat slag, and that Wazza bonked Bozza? Yes please..

How about a nice cup of tea with a well slipped mickey in it down the local caff? Would the English still be the English without any of these long-established proclivities?

It looks like we soon might have to be...

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Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Conservatives 26 points in front...

The latest Yougov poll claims that the Conservatives now have a 26 point lead. UK Polling Report.

The government is set to help home owners as repossessions are set to rise. BBC. Channel 4.

There are plans to start a national database of 'bad employees' which can be accessed nationally by all employers. BBC.

Boris Johnson will today meet and swap notes with Michael Bloomberg, the Mayor of New York City. Channel 4. USNEWS.

Japan has paved the way for the military defense use of space . Reuters.

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Our American Cousins

NY Times: Tories' "Conservative Revival"

dbrooks.jpg Upper-case 'C' Conservatives in Britain know all too well what it feels like to need a revival — 'twas only a short eight months ago that Labour looked ready to re-up for another five years of fun. But now all that's changed, and beaten-down American lower-case 'c' conservatives are starting to take notice of Mr Cameron's Tory resurrection.

In today's New York Times, op-ed columnist David Brooks points to the Tories' "socio-centric" platform as a roadmap back to relevancy for the rudderless post-Bush US conservative movement.

"The flow of ideas has changed direction. It used to be that American conservatives shaped British political thinking. Now the influence is going the other way."

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Ministry for Political Statements

Gordon Brown may not be cast in wax...

200px-Earwax_on_swab.jpgMadame Tussaud's has entered the political arena by allowing members of the public to vote on whether or not they should make one of their famous wax statues of 'PM' Gordon Brown.


To be honest, we'd forgotten that anybody actually gave a flying crap about waxwork these days (the whole process is so 1777), but it appears that somebody must do because the plan is starting to cause a bit of a stir.

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Ministry for Bleak Outlooks

The pen is mightier than the truncheon...

Batong2.jpegThe Home Secretary, Jacqui Smith, will announce plans today that give police the power to openly harass antisocial youth by hounding them at their homes, following them about, and also arbitrarily filming them in the streets. It certainly sounds a little bit drastic, but is part of the government's plans to win back voters by using unprecedented hardcore techniques in order to deal with some of the country's most deeply-rooted problems.


The idea was inspired by the police force in Essex who have consulted the constabulary rhyming dictionary to come up with the concept of "Frame and Shame". Basically, this means that eager young policemen will film the antics of England's crimson youth and then let everybody know about it. Where would we be with out the video camera?

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Meedja on the Insanity Pills

Doctors seek cure for ineptitude...

MPs have labelled the government's handling of last year's junior medic recruitment drive as 'inept'. BBC. The Guardian.

It has been claimed that Alastair Campbell sexed-up Tony Blair's 45 minute WMD claim whilst the case for invading Iraq was being made. New Statesman.

A report has shown that UK households are throwing away one-third of all edible food.Channel 4.

Some kind of expert has predicted that China will win more gold medals than America in the Olympic games. BBC.

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Ministry for Munchies

New cannabis law to 'make no difference'

Marijuana-Poster.jpg

Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has your safety in mind, you know. And that's why she has spearheaded a bold move against the greatest social evil facing Britain today - the legions of people rolling a bit of plant residue into a cigarette, smoking it and giggling to themselves all the way through their Futurama boxsets. 14 years maximum punishment for weed possession? See ya later, Mr. Sensible Priorities ...

Yes - Jacqui's gone and upgraded cannabis from a Class C drug to a Class B. Why? Because the 'market' - love that term, by the way, like drug dealers are a bunch of city stockbrokers or loveable cockney fruit-stall types - is apparently dominated by 'skunk', a much more potent version of the drug than plain old 'hash'. And while the Daily Mail is rather predictably applauding this move, the general consensus is that it won't make much difference whatsoever. Just listen to what Tom Wood - chairman of the Scottish Association of Alcohol and Drug Teams - has to say.

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